Luke: Do you want to know the problem here?
Lorelai: Actually, no. I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can, and I don't like people pointing them out to me.

Lorelai: Cool. Wow. They could make a movie about this someday. You know, the reluctant, handsome diner owner sponsoring a team that goes all the way to the national finals, and you know who would play you?
Luke: Who?
Lorelai: Toby Maguire!
Luke: He's way younger than me.
Lorelai: But his career is hot. Go with Toby.
Luke: What about that Vito Morgenstern?
Lorelai: Sure. Or Viggo Mortensen.
Luke: Oh.
Lorelai: Or Donald Sutherland.
Luke: Too old.
Lorelai: We'll dye his hair.
Luke: He's got jowls.
Lorelai: You're picky.

Jess: So, where do you want to go?
Rory: I don't know. I don't know the area that well.
Jess: You live here.
Rory: I know, but Hartford's still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton, I got right on the bus and headed home. So I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days, I've just been eating here.
Jess: Well, I just prefer not going someplace that has food in the title.
Rory: Meaning...
Jess: Olive, chili, soup. No gardens. No plantations.

Jess: And I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person.
Rory: Well, color me curious. A book. The Subsect. Written by Jess Mariano.
Jess: It's no misprint.
Rory: You wrote a book?
Jess: A short novel.
Rory: You wrote a book?!
Jess: Through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decide to publish it.
Rory: You wrote a book.
Jess: There's no money in it. They only printed like 500 of them. Believe me, I'm not quitting my day job.

Rory: [on the phone] Oops. Evasive maneuver.
Logan: What?
Rory: My grandmother.
Logan: Is she coming at you with a knife or something?
Rory: It's one thing to be forced to move into the big house, but now the big house is feeling Tom Thumb tiny. My grandmother's everywhere.
Logan: The older generation, they have their methods of ubiquity.
Rory: I'm positive that there are at least five of her wandering the property like she's a cylon.

Lorelai: Now, just give me a minute to concentrate. Cone of silence, please.
Luke: You got it. Hey, what are all your shoes doing down here?
Lorelai: You broke the cone.
Luke: Yeah. They're gonna get ruined.
Lorelai: Oh, well, talk to Paul Anka. He's one by one marched every pair of my shoes downstairs, and I have no idea why. Lined them up perfectly, too: left, right, left, right. He's very anal when he misbehaves.
Luke: Yeah. I'll clear them out.
Lorelai: No, no, no. Don't. I want him to march them back up himself. How else will he learn?

Lorelai: Oh, wait. Paul Anka, maybe he has an opinion on all this.
Luke: Oh, I'm sure he does.
Lorelai: Okay, dude. Check them out. Don't overthink it. What looks good to you? Ooh! He licked the dark magenta.
Luke: You know dogs are color-blind.
Lorelai: Okay, technicality. What about the baseboards? Baseboards. Ooh! Dark magenta baseboards. Interesting choice.
Luke: I need a beer.
Lorelai: Oh. Oh, get one for me, too, please. How about the ceiling? Dark magenta! You've got the queer eye, my friend.

Lorelai: Wow, Oliver Twist just kindly asked for a little more gruel, and you kicked him right in the junk.

Luke: They'll find someone else.
Lorelai: How is this not your thing?
Luke: I don't want to coach a soccer team.
Lorelai: They don't need a coach. How closely were you listening?
Luke: Well, not that closely. Kids usually talk, but they don't say anything. They just kind of yammer, so if you don't find them cute, they're just boring.
Lorelai: You should really have your own children's show, you know, as an alternative to the nice ones.
Luke: You know what I mean.

Rory: So, where are you living, Jess? I want to know about you, mystery man.
Jess: I'm in Philly.
Rory: Really?
Jess: Don't laugh.
Rory: No, I'm not. Philadelphia's gotten cool.
Jess: And New York's gotten expensive. Anyway, it's a pretty cool scene in Philly now. Lot of younger people there. Pretty big art scene.
Rory: I know. I read that in the New York Times. They had a picture of a bunch of young people standing on a roof, kind of eclectic and all. It looked fun. I mean, it was clearly one of those pictures that wasn't candid. It was looking a little stiff, but they looked happy.