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‘New and Improved Lorelai’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Gilmore Girls: New and Improved Lorelai

601. New and Improved Lorelai

Aired September 13, 2005

Lorelai moves on with her life with Luke after she proposed. Rory gets settled at Richard and Emily's house as her day in court approaches.

Quote from Lorelai

Emily: Lorelai, stop this. I know you're upset. I know you hate us, but-
Lorelai: I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?
Emily: Well, because we... Because you thought we...
Lorelai: You were just being you. You couldn't help it.
Emily: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: The Scorpion and the Frog. It's an old story. The scorpion says to the frog, "Hey, frog. Give me a lift to the other side of the pond." Frog says, "No way. You'll sting me and I'll die." Scorpion says, "Will not! 'Cause then we'd both drown." Frog says "Cool." So, scorpion gets on the frog's back, and frog makes it to the middle of the pond, and the scorpion stings him. As the frog is going down, he says, "Why would you do that? Now we'll both die." Scorpion says, "Sorry, it's just my nature." Frog. Scorpion.
Emily: I always thought it was a turtle.
Lorelai: Whatever it was, you guys couldn't help it.

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Quote from Luke

Luke: So when I said "what about the kids", I didn't mean "what about our kids". I mean, yes, obviously, what about our kids? But I didn't mean we had to have any kids. 'Cause we don't. But we can, I just didn't want you to think that I was laying down some kind of a mandate. I mean, kids. It's plural, so it sounds like a lot. But we can just have one kid, one's fine, or more if you want more, or we don't have to have any kids. We could just get a plant.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: Nothing.
Lorelai: Okay.
Luke: I bought a house, Twickham house. I bought it for us. I don't have it anymore. I could probably get it back, but I just thought you should know. I bought it. For the kids, that we don't have to have. It's a big house, and we don't have to fill it up with kids, you know? We could, we could get furniture. Go shopping for a couch, or get some end tables. [sighs] I hate shopping for furniture. For me, kids are easier.
Lorelai: I love shopping.
Luke: Go to sleep.
Lorelai: Mmkay.

Quote from Paris

Paris: I'm meeting more of Doyle's family tonight. I've been meeting people for months. He's got, like, five hundred cousins. And you know what? He's the tallest one in the family.
Rory: Really?
Paris: Yep. Family get-together is like a Lollipop Guild Convention. I have to stop myself from asking how it's going at the chocolate factory.
Rory: Good, good. Get it all out now.

Quote from Kirk

Luke: And these are real?
Kirk: Yes, they are.
Luke: I mean, real diamonds, not "they exist" real?
Kirk: Diamond and platinum. I have a certificate of authenticity for every one of these babies.
Luke: Kirk, where'd you get all these rings?
Kirk: I befriend really old women.
Luke: Excuse me?
Kirk: Really old women need companionship, Luke. They are really old. Most people they know are dead. So when someone comes along and they're not dead, and they'll listen to their stories and care about their dosage, they are grateful.
Luke: Are you serious?
Kirk: Serious as a heart attack. Which is how I got that ring you're holding right now.

Quote from Kirk

Kirk: Actually, I have a lot of sympathy for what you're going through.
Luke: What are you talking about, Kirk?
Kirk: Well, Lorelai proposing to you like that, stealing your thunder. It's got to be embarrassing, and a little upsetting. Now you'll never have that moment. You don't get to be the romantic one, the one to sweep her off her feet. That's got to hurt.
Luke: I'm fine, Kirk.
Kirk: Well, sure, what else are you going to say? You know, I've been getting pretty close to proposing to Lulu myself, and when I heard what happened to you, it really freaked me out. I mean, if Lorelai can just spring it on you like that, what's to stop Lulu from springing it on me?
Luke: Your creepy friendships with really old women might do the trick.
Kirk: Well, I've been avoiding her for two days. Hanging up on her really quickly when she calls. She may be mad, but there's no way she's going to rob me of my moment.

Quote from Paris

Paris: I need her to be at Yale. Rory has been my only real competition since she showed up at Chilton. She's the only one who has ever challenged me. She's my pace car. She's my Bjorn Borg. Without her, I'll get lazy. I'll fall apart. I'll have frosted hair and dragon-lady nails and I'll achieve nothing. I'll become my mother.
Lorelai: Paris, listen to me. You are a very smart, driven young lady. You can be anything you want. Except a diplomat. You don't need Rory to push you.
Paris: Rory's my only friend. She stays in the room until I'm completely done saying something. I need that.

Quote from Michel

Michel: Sweating all over the desk.
Lorelai: He's paying a six hundred dollar hotel bill.
Michel: I don't care. He smells, they all smell. The whole inn smell like sweat socks and damp nylon shorts.
It's making me sick. I have to work at that desk, and I have no intention of catching jock itch on my forearm because Mr. Breaking Away over there can't shower before he invades my dance space.

Quote from Babette

Babette: So the proposal was spontaneous, huh?
Miss Patty: Oh, the spontaneous proposals are the best, you know.
Babette: Yeah, Morey proposed to me spontaneously. Did I ever tell you the story?
Luke: Uh, no.
Babette: It was a brisk fall night, and Morey was on top. No, wait, I was on top.
Luke: What?
Babette: Hold on, Stoney Morrison was on top.
Luke: Babette!
Babette: We were playing Twister! Did I not mention that?
Luke: No.
Babette: [chuckles] I probably should have.

Quote from Michel

Michel: Hello, won't you come in.
Emily: All right. Thank you. What are you doing here?
Michel: I was sent to open the door like a servant.
Emily: What? Where's Lorelai?
Michel: I don't know. She doesn't keep the help informed.
Emily: She's not here?
Michel: No. I am here. I am here, and not at the Dragonfly Inn, which I theoretically run, when I'm not busy answering door like Benson.
Emily: I don't understand. You gave her my message?
Michel: I gave her your message and she told me to come over here and let you in. Just like I'm a puppy, fetching slippers and getting my liver treat.

Quote from Lorelai

Luke: What?
Lorelai: Luke, will you-
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: Well, you don't have to answer so-
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: Well, you can take a minute to-
Luke: No.
Lorelai: So, what now?
Luke: I don't know. This is new for me.
Lorelai: Well, we should do something. Official.
Luke: Official?
Lorelai: Yeah. Something to commemorate the moment. I mean, we're getting married. Luke. Married. You and me. Luke "table for one" Danes and Lorelai "I'm sorry can I get an industrial forklift for my emotional baggage" Gilmore are getting married. Huh?

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