Emily: I did not force Jimmy Carter out of his room at that hotel.
Lorelai: See, now that I thought was just an amusing anecdote.
Emily: I did not get into a, quote, "bitch-fight" with him. He's an ex-president! It was with that insufferable Rosalyn.

Kirk: Sally Forth is on fire today. On fire!
Luke: Where did you get a quarter of a million dollars!
Kirk: What? I don't have a quarter of a million dollars.
Luke: You don't?
Kirk: No. Just shy. It's $247,868. Sixty-seven, if I get a couple of donuts to go. Those chocolate raised are calling my name.
Luke: Where the hell did you get that much money?
Kirk: I've been working for eleven years, Luke. I've had fifteen thousand jobs. I've saved every dollar I've ever made. That and the miracle of compound interest has created a bounty of a quarter of a million dollars. Again, just under. I don't want to brag.

Lorelai: So, there's no machine?
Doctor: Machine?
Lorelai: Yeah, a machine you could stick me in. You know, you're putting pig vessels in people. Isn't there a machine that could tell me right away, away from the prying eyes of the garbage man?
Doctor: You really need to wait and take the test at the proper time.
Lorelai: Okay, see, I'm eating an apple. Now, normally, this would not be a sign of anything except hunger. Except I don't eat much fruit. I know I should, but I don't have a hankering for it. Had it when I was pregnant with my first kid, though. Kept craving those apples. And this morning, boy, was I craving an apple.
Doctor: Well, that could be a sign.
Lorelai: It could?
Doctor: Or not.
Lorelai: [sighs] Okay. You're nice. You're sweet. I've taken up too much of your time. Thank you.

Lorelai: Are there more marshmallows?
Emily: All you two have been dipping is the marshmallows. You haven't touched the kiwi, or the pineapple, or the tangelo slices.
Rory: But it's fruit.
Emily: Fruit is good for you.
Rory: We're fondue purists, Grandma.
Lorelai: Yeah, we dip old school.
Emily: The government says you should have nine servings of fruit and vegetables per day.
Lorelai: Imperialist propaganda.
Rory: I think Noam Chomsky would agree.
Lorelai: I bet Noam doesn't dip fruit.
Rory: Or laugh. Ever seen that punim on him?
Lorelai: Easter Island.

Lorelai: There's more, I know it. It's germinating.
Luke: I'm done, I'm at peace.
Lorelai: There is no more.
Luke: ... Just the smell of Manhattan!
Lorelai: I knew it. There was more.
Luke: I mean, forget about the smells you can't identify. The ones you can identify are putrid! I mean, if it's not that rank smell of hot dog gushing out of those dirty sidewalk carts, it's the stench of the subway pouring out of the dirty grates. I mean, the manhole-cover steam? God knows what that steam is. I mean, you can't get a breath of fresh air!
Lorelai: Go, Luke! Rant, Luke!
Luke: The whole city is a decaying heap. It's too many people crammed into too many buildings on too small a piece of land. It's an experiment that's failed. They should just give the whole island a push and float it over to Europe.
Lorelai: But after we see Spamalot, right? I paid a lot for those tickets.
Luke: I'm fine with an urban environment. But you need land around your space. Air to breathe. I'm done again.

Rory: How did this happen? I mean, if it's true?
Lorelai: Luke and I came home from the magazine party the other night. We were a little loopy and it got... primordial. All roadblocks down. I mean, I was always beyond careful. The last time I had my roadblocks down was... I don't know, count how old you are to the day and add nine months.
Rory: But, that doesn't mean-
Lorelai: I just ate an apple.
Rory: Uh-oh.
Lorelai: Yeah, and I liked it.
Rory: Whoa.
Lorelai: My body is telling me something.
Rory: Maybe it's not telling you what you think it is. Maybe it's just telling you to better comply with the government's recommendations for fruit and vegetable intake. That's not just propaganda, you know.

Lorelai: [on the phone] As the sight of babies isn't freaking me out anymore, I can enjoy the maternity ward again.
Rory: So what was with the apple?
Lorelai: I don't know. But I just had a Moonpie and a Ding-Dong and washed it down with an Orange Crush in the cafeteria, so no desire for anything nutritional.

Emily: [o.s.] The things you say in this!
Lorelai: I, I know.
Emily: Calling me Pol Pot!
Lorelai: Mom, it was meant as a joke. The Pol Pot, the walking anthrax. I was just being edgy, like Chris Rock.
Emily: Walking anthrax?!
Lorelai: You haven't gotten to that part yet?
Emily: No!
Lorelai: Well, something to look forward to.
Emily: I'm not going to continue talking about this through the door.

Kirk: Huh. I know he wants the bone. I know there's going to be a complication getting the bone, but Marmaduke still cracks me up every time.

Jackson: Are you breathing, honey?
Sookie: I'm breathing. Hey, was that Andy Dick out in the hallway?
Jackson: No, honey. This happened last time. You go into labor, you start thinking you see famous people.
Sookie: Right. Suddenly my midwife was Wolf Blitzer.