Sarah: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not enjoying this bomb.
Joe: Shocking.
Mary: Desperate.
Sarah: Disgusting and disgraceful. I have an appointment in Tropicana at 12:00. 15 minutes in the stand up. But sure, I'll not get over the bridge at this rate. It's going to play havoc with my build-up. This is what they want. They want ordinary people to suffer. This is what it's all about.
Erin: I'm pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions isn't very high up on anyone's political agenda, Aunt Sarah.
Sarah: I wouldn't be so sure.

News Presenter: [on TV] SDLP leader John Hume has again called for cross party peace talks...
Sarah: John's really dying for peace, like, isn't he? It's all he ever goes on about. I hope it works out for him.
Mary: Aye, I sort of hope it works out for all of us, Sarah.

Gerry: Do I want to know why you're reading a book on the Russian Revolution?
Aunt Sarah: Ach, it's just one of my wee interests.
Gerry: Really?
Aunt Sarah: I've always been into Russia, Gerry, you know that.
Gerry: I know you had a furry hat once.
Aunt Sarah: It's been 20 years since I've seen some of these girls. Back then, everybody thought I was a bimbo.
Gerry: No!
Aunt Sarah: But tonight they'll realise how wrong they were.
Gerry: Or they'll wonder why you're harping on about Rasputin.

News Anchor: [on TV] Some of the proposed reforms have proved extremely controversial, particularly the early release of paramilitary prisoners. And now, with only days until the referendum takes place, voters across the country must get to grips with this booklet, a 30-page document laying out the Good Friday Agreement in simple terms...
Joe: Simple terms! Simple terms my arse. I've read through thon introduction 30 bloody times. I'm still none the wiser.
Mary: [opens microwave] Wow.
Aunt Sarah: Well, according to Shauna Sharkey, if you vote yes, you're allowed to swing both ways.
Gerry: What's that now?
Aunt Sarah: Well, you can be Irish, you can be British, or you can be bi.
Gerry: OK, I don't think "bi" is the correct term.
Joe: Says here you can hold both passports.
Mary: Two passports? That'd come in handy. I'm forever losing mine. I think I wouldn't mind being bi, you know.

Sarah: Listen, Mary, I just did a reading. The cards say if we go on this wee holiday, we're placing ourselves in grave danger, which I'm not buzzing about, to be honest.
Erin: You're not psychic, Aunt Sarah.
Sarah: I am psychic, Erin. I did a course. I got a certificate. Aye, this does not look good.
Joe: Still no sign of the lottery numbers?
Sarah: No, Daddy, this psychic carry-on, it's not all it's cracked up to be, you know? Last night, I woke up to this... wailing sound. I thought to myself, "Jesus, it's Granny Pat, she's trying to cross over." Now, it turned out it was only Aggie next door. She'd put the electric blanket on full whack and scalded the legs o' herself. But still, it could just as easily have been...
Erin: The disembodied spirit of a dead relative?
Sarah: Exactly. My nerves are wrecked. I am living on a knife's edge here. Is there any Rice Krispies?

News Anchor: [on TV] Once again, the Maze was the focal point of a troubled peace process today, as Mo Mowlam arrived for a visit that has been variously described as mad or brave.
Mo Mowlam: [on TV] If we manage to get people round the table on Monday...
Aunt Sarah: God, she's a ballsy wee thing, isn't she?
Mary: I've said it before and I'll say it again, if anyone's gonna sort that lot out it'll be a woman.

Erin: She basically told us we can't print the story because it's about a lesbian.
Sarah: Do you not think there's an awful lot of lesbians about nowadays? You can't move for lesbians. It's wall-to-wall lesbians out there.

News Presenter: [on TV] Because of government restrictions, we cannot broadcast the voice of Mr. Adams. His words are spoken by an actor.
Actor's Voice: [on TV] Well, with respect, and I mean...
Gerry: I will never understand the point of it.
Joe: I'll never understand the point of you.
Gerry: Grand so. [doorbell rings]
Erin: I'll go.
Actor's Voice: [on TV] ...agree about the need to see an end to all acts of violence. I want to see that.
Sarah: It's because his natural voice is actually very seductive. Apparently, he sounds like a West Belfast Bond. As far as the English are concerned, a voice like that... Well, it's dangerous.
Gerry: Just so I'm clear, are you saying that the British government dub the voice of Gerry Adams because it's too sexy?
Joe: It's like a fine whiskey. And I have that on good authority, boy.

Sarah: Tell me this, wains. How were the eyebrows?
Erin: What do you mean?
Sarah: The eyebrows. Were they looking well?
Erin: I didn't really notice her eyebrows.
Sarah: Cathy Maguire had the best eyebrows in Derry back in her day. She'd could have given Joan Crawford a run for her money. Isn't that right, Mary?
Mary: I've no time for Cathy Maguire. The woman abandoned her own wain, Sarah. She always was one cold, self-serving wee madam.
Sarah: I'm not talking about her. I'm talking about her eyebrows. Cathy and her eyebrows are two separate entities.
Mary: All right, don't be getting worked up.
Sarah: Well, I just think you should be able to compliment a woman's eyebrows without having her personality dragged into it.

Gabriel: Um... [notices Mary's book] Ah! Emily Bronte. Wow, what a genius.
Aunt Sarah: We'll have to take your word for it, Gabriel, for we don't know her.