Joe: I won't miss my chance! Not again! You hear me, boy?
Gerry: What the hell is he planning to do?
Mary: When JFK came to Dublin, Uncle Colm met him, and Daddy didn't.
Joe: Things are gonna be different this time, I tell you.
Gerry: JFK spoke to Colm? Christ, that man didn't have much luck, did he?

Mary: What are they, stilts?
Joe: Golf clubs.
Sarah: I thought... spatulas.
Gerry: They're rifles!
Sarah: Really? Are you sure?
Gerry: Fairly sure! I also don't understand what connection spatulas, golf clubs or stilts would have to the Irish resistance!
Joe: Christ, he's a dose.

Joe: Well, there was absolutely no need for that.
Sarah: Jesus, Gerry!
Michelle: Harsh.
Emmett: Awful.
Clare: Poor girl.
Erin: Aye, I can't believe you did that, Daddy.
Gerry: I... You asked me to! How could I have known...? Will you all just stop looking at me? Fine... Fine. D'you know what? Fine! I've had it with the lot of ye! And just for the record, back there, I was being an Australian tourist, OK? Australian! And I happen to think that my accent was flawless! [Australian accent] Excuse me, mate! Can you help us get outta here? [normal] Flawless!

Gabriel: Um, fairly straightforward in the end. I'm sure you probably could have handled it, Gerry.
Gerry: Oh, I doubt that very much, Gabriel, what with me being of subnormal intelligence. Sure, there's chimpanzees with more wit.
Joe: That's no word of a lie.

Joe: Right. Come on in there, Maeve. Now, these are my daughters. That's Mary, and this is Sarah.
Sarah: Hello, Maeve.
Mary: Maeve.
Gerry: I'm Mary's husband, Gerry. We're Mary and Gerry and we're living in Derry. [Maeve chuckles while Joe looks unimpressed] Hm. I'll get the tea going.

Joe: Well, what do you want me to do? Chuck the wee'un out in the middle of nowhere?
Gerry: But this is dangerous, Joe! He is dangerous!
Emmett: [o.s.] Er, I'm not dangerous.
Gerry: In fairness, Emmett, if you were dangerous you wouldn't say that you were dangerous, would ya?
Emmett: [o.s.] True.

Joe: Right, we need to clear this table. Jim's bringing his equipment over.
Gerry: What equipment?
Mary: Them aul radio transmitters he collects. Him and Daddy think they can tap into the CIA's system on them.
Gerry: Excuse me?
Sarah: Jim really buzzes off radio contact.
Gerry: You canna tap the CIA, Joe.
Joe: It'll make tracking Clinton down much easier.
Gerry: Right. I don't think the CIA enjoy people tracking the President down. I think they can get funny about that type of stuff.
Joe: Well, let them try and bloody stop me.
Gerry: They will stop you, Joe. They're the CIA.

Gerry: Over this? So what happened back there was totally fine, but this, this is worth having a panic attack about?
Mary: You're going to have to turn around.
Gerry: There is more chance of me eloping with your father to a flip-flop shop in Hawaii!
Mary: Look, OK, fine! But that means we won't be able to buy anything, which means we'll have no food, which means we'll all starve to death. So, you know, on your head be it, Gerry. Oh, actually, do you know what? I think I put it in the suitcase.
Gerry: False alarm there, St Anthony. Sorry for troubling you.

Emmett: I didn't want to put you in this position, but I can't stress the seriousness of my situation.
Waitress: Anything else?
Emmett: Oh, d'you know what? I wouldn't mind a knickerbocker glory.
Waitress: Right...
Emmett: You need to help me out here.
Gerry: We do that and we're breaking the law.
Emmett: Oh, you recognise the legal system of a brutal imperialistic oppressor, do ya?
Gerry: If they can put me in jail for 20 years then yes, Emmett, yes, I do!

Joe: Belfast!
Erin: Are we not a wee bit early, Daddy?
Gerry: It's a two hour drive with traffic, love.
Joe: This thing's in Belfast?!
Erin: But it's eight hours till the doors open.
Gerry: Aye, we're cutting it fine all right.