Gerry: Why does Jim across the road have a tranquilizer gun?
Sarah: His brother had an awful lot of bother with devil worshippers.
Gerry: Excuse me?
Sarah: Aye, they sent up camp on his farm and he couldn't shift them for love nor money, so Jim bought a couple of guns and just...
Gerry: What? Shot them?
Sarah: Aye. I think it worked, you know?
Gerry: I imagine it would, yeah.
Mary: I'm not convinced they were devil worshippers, you know?
Sarah: Sure their hair had never seen a brush and they were head to toe in tie dye, Mary.

Aideen: Well, I mean, there was someone once, but, he's married now, so.
Aunt Sarah: But not to you.
Aideen: Sure it's only what I deserve, after what happened. Isn't that what everybody thinks?
Mary: Is it?
Aideen: But sure, who hasn't made a mistake in their time, girls?
Aunt Sarah: Don't talk to me. I had a perm in '85 that made me look like Leo Sayer. Dark days. Very dark days.

Sarah: So, heads, the wee 'Ra man comes with us. Tails, we leave him.
Mary: Aye, ready?
Joe: Go on, then. [coin rattles]
James: What is that? A fish?
Orla: A dolphin, is it?
Clare: It sort of looks like Moby Dick, actually.
Mary: Ah, shite, I used a punt, didn't I?
Michelle: What's on the other side?
Joe: A harp.
Erin: So harp must be the head and fish must be the tail?
Orla: Oh, well, that makes sense, yeah, because fish have tails.
Sarah: Why don't we just do it again with real money?
Mary: This is real money, Sarah.
Sarah: You know what I mean. Normal money.

Aunt Sarah: Shauna Sharkey's niece works for the company, you see.
Mary: Right.
Aunt Sarah: Every voucher entitles you to a free item of make-up, a lip liner, a mascara...
Mary: Shite!
Aunt Sarah: ..an eyebrow pencil or what have you. I nearly took her hand off, Mary.
Mary: This is all I need. Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: But there's a catch.
Mary: I thought there might be.
Aunt Sarah: The retailer will accept one voucher per customer only. Now, what that means, Mary...
Mary: I know what it means, Sarah. Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: It means I can't hand over 22 vouchers and say, "Give us items."
Mary: No? Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: But if we were to head up to town with a bag of disguises.
Mary: Bag of disguises?
Aunt Sarah: Couple of quick changes in the Richmond Centre toilets.
Mary: No chance!

Mary: Eileen Rafferty turned , so she's having this party.
Aunt Sarah: Eileen Rafferty turned last year, did she not?
Mary: Aye. Aye, well, if you'd let me finish, she's having this party for her mother.
Aunt Sarah: Did her mother not pass away there?
Mary: That's right, she did. So we're just gonna... We're just gonna have a couple of drinks in her memory.
Aunt Sarah: Is Eileen not teetotal, Mary?
Mary: Oh, my God, how do you know so much about Eileen Rafferty? What are you, a stalker?
Aunt Sarah: If a woman's 50 and there's not a wrinkle on her, I take an interest, Mary.
Mary: Well, she'll be on the Fanta Orange. [doorbell rings] There's my taxi. See you later.
Aunt Sarah: Fanta Orange, so that's her secret.

Aunt Sarah: Christ, is that the time? I've that much to do I'm passing myself here, and now my right ear has closed over.
Gerry: What?
Aunt Sarah: I've been trying to put my earring in for 45 minutes, but no joy. Give us over an ice cube, will you, Mary? I'm going to freeze the lobe and ram a needle through it.
Gerry: Please don't.

Mary: OK. Do you wear glasses?
Aunt Sarah: Sure, glasses do nothing for me, Mary. You know that.
Mary: No, your character.
Aunt Sarah: What?
Mary: On the board, remember? Your character on the board. Are they wearing glasses? [Sarah has a blank expression] Aged six and up it said on the box.

Mary: Bridget Gallagher was telling me she went to see this psychic.
Aunt Sarah: No! You know the problems I have with my aura.
Gerry: Your aura?
Aunt Sarah: The last time I went to see a psychic, sure I was tortured. The spirits were coming at me left, right and centre. This one lad, he was in the American Air Force. Well, would he give over about that plane going down? Jesus, he had me demented.

Aunt Sarah: Make us a cup of tea, will you, Mary? I'd do it myself, but the Bolsheviks are just about to kick off.

Sean Coyle: [on radio] Good morning, you're listening to Sean Coyle on BBC Radio Foyle. Let's kick things off with today's phone-in competition. So, with Halloween night less than a week away, we want to know the festival's original name. What did the ancient Celts call Halloween? If you think you know the answer, give us a buzz on 418352.
Aunt Sarah: I tell you who'd know that. Kitty Reilly.
Mary: Really?
Aunt Sarah: Her son's in the ancient Celts.
Mary: Her son plays for Celtic.
Aunt Sarah: Sure, this is what I'm saying.