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‘Episode Six’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Derry Girls: Episode Six

106. Episode Six

Aired February 8, 2018

Erin is excited to be made the editor of the school paper. Meanwhile, Orla is obsessed with step aerobics, and Da Gerry has a problem at the photo place.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Erin: She basically told us we can't print the story because it's about a lesbian.
Sarah: Do you not think there's an awful lot of lesbians about nowadays? You can't move for lesbians. It's wall-to-wall lesbians out there.

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Quote from Sister Michael

Sister Michael: Lovely, altogether. You know, every year I sit backstage listening to the singers and it really makes me realise just how talented the professionals who originally recorded these tracks were. Now, who's on next?

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: All I'm saying is I find it difficult to believe.
Sarah: But it's the truth, Mary.
Mary: Really?
Sarah: Honest to God.
Mary: So if I was to go next door and open that washing basket of yours...
Sarah: You wouldn't find any darks. What, do you think I'm holding out on you?
Mary: I don't know what to believe.
Sarah: Listen, I've plenty of coloureds. You're welcome to my coloureds.
Mary: I'm not interested in your coloureds, Sarah. It's darks I need. Oh, listen, Da.
Joe: Do not be starting at me about darks, Mary. I've given you whatever darks I have. Stick on a half load and be done with it, woman.
Mary: A half load goes against everything I stand for. You know that, Da.

Quote from James

James: I support gays, even though I myself am not actually gay.

Quote from Sister Michael

Sister Michael: Can I have your attention, please, ladies? Get down. Get down. I've just received a phone call from Louise Kerr's mother, and it's not looking great.
Jenny: Oh, God, I just can't believe it.
Sister Michael: It's unlikely she'll be returning to school before the end of the year, so I think the only thing we
can do now is...
Aisling: Pray for her?
Sister Michael: No. What use would that do?

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: Read all about the wee dyke.

Quote from Orla

Orla: Lesbians really do exist!

Quote from Sister Michael

Sister Michael: What's going on?
Jenny: Erin Quinn and her friends are handing out their magazine. They're ignoring the ban, Sister. You need to put a stop to it. [Sister Michael turns and walks away] Sister, didn't you hear me?
Sister Michael: Do you know what, Jenny? I don't think I did. [grabs a copy]

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: Isn't this mad?
James: It's all anyone's talking about.
Michelle: Everyone's buzzing to find out who she is.
James: Well, if she ever does reveal herself, she'll basically be a celebrity.
Michelle: Excuse me. Excuse me, everybody. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah. I just want to say, that if you're looking for the wee lezzer, look no further, because here she is. Love women. Can't get enough of the ladies. Big fan of the fandango. Huge. Massive.

Quote from Clare

Erin: Michelle's running round saying it's her, that she wrote the story, that she's the wee lesbian. As if, like. There'd be more chance of it being you.
Clare: It is me.
Erin: No, I mean I'd be less surprised if it was you.
Clare: It is.
Erin: No, it's not, but if it was...
Clare: Erin! It's me. I'm the wee... lesbian.
Erin: Aye, so you are, Clare!
Clare: I'm not joking.
Erin: You're... You're a lesbian?
Clare: I've never been brave enough to say it out loud before, but I think that's why I wrote the story, and then it all got too real, I got too scared, but now, well, you've made me realise it's all OK.
Erin: Don't blame me.
Clare: What?

Quote from Erin

Erin: I'll take her place. I'll step into her shoes. I'll do it.
Sister Michael: Really?
Erin: Absolutely.
Jenny: No, you can't. We're making a statement. You're ruining our statement.
Erin: Look, girls, I know Louise meant a lot to you all.
Jenny: She's not dead, Erin.
Erin: Well, not yet. Hopefully she won't, you know, die, but if she does, the show must go on. Isn't that right, Sister Michael?
Sister Michael: You terrify me.
Jenny: You can't be the editor.
Aisling: You've never even written an article, Erin.
Erin: That's because I can't get anything past Rupert Murdoch over there.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Let's just run through some of our favourite ideas. So, firstly, animals.
James: Animals. Can someone elaborate?
Erin: Yeah. So, this concept would focus on animals, alongside pictures of famous people who look a bit like animals.
Orla: Michelle Pfeiffer looks like a cat.
Erin: Exactly.
James: OK. Right. Animals. Er, what's the next one? Shoes of the...
Erin: Shoes of the world.

Quote from Erin

Erin: So, this piece would concentrate on different shoes from around the world, sitting alongside pictures of, you know, different shoes from around the world.
James: OK.
Erin: So, like, how in Russia they wear boots because...
Michelle: Cos it's Baltic.
Erin: And in India they wear sandals because...?
Michelle: It's boiling.
James: So that's it, is it?
Erin: Thoughts?
James: I'm not totally convinced by either of them, if I'm honest.
Erin: Oh, my God. They're shit. They're absolutely shit. How can we print this utter shit?
James: OK, don't panic. [pats Erin's shoulder]
Erin: Don't panic? Don't panic, James? Shoes of the world. What does that even mean?

Quote from Granda Joe

Joe: Ah, it's true. Brigitte Gallagher, she's a lesbian.
Mary: Brigitte Gallagher, who works in the post office?
Joe: I believe so.
Sarah: Is she not a vegetarian, Da?
Joe: Sorry, you're right. Vegetarian, Brigitte is.
Ciaran: Well, it's an easy mistake to make, Joe. Can I call you Joe?
Joe: No.
Ciaran: Right.
Gerry: Welcome to the club, Ciaran.

Quote from Michelle

James: Can you blame her?
Michelle: Ignore him, Erin. These gays, they all stick together.
James: I'm not gay.
Michelle: What's wrong with being gay? He is such a fucking homophobe.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Sarah: I'm devastated. That was when I lost the half-stone doing the Rosemary Conley as well. My collar bone was sort of poking through my skin. Do you remember, Mary?
Mary: Aye, you were far too thin, Sarah.
Sarah: I know, I was. It was brilliant, and now I haven't got so much as a photograph to look back on.

Quote from Granda Joe

Sarah: You away to do the big shop, Da?
Joe: Aye. Gerry! Gerry! I don't see why that useless drip you call a husband has to be coming.
Mary: Because someone needs to drive and you've been suspended, again.
Sarah: What did you do this time, Daddy?
Joe: Nothing. It's RUC discrimination. The only crime I committed was to be born a Catholic.
Mary: Gerry's never been suspended and he's a Catholic.
Joe: He's also a prick, but that's by the by.

Quote from Granda Joe

Joe: Right, that's us away.
Mary: [to Gerry] Have a nice time.
Joe: Tell that Free State fucker to shift his hole.
Gerry: I'm sure we will.

Quote from Ma Mary

Sarah: There's no shame in doing a half load, you know, Mary.
Mary: I can't, Sarah. I physically can't.
[Mary smiles as Erin and her friends enter in their green school uniforms]

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: Hey! Let me look at that. You call that clean, do you?
Sarah: Different standards, you see, Mary.
Mary: You're not in England now, son.

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