Father Peter: Now, back to similarities. Yes?
Michelle: Ah, protestants are richer.
Father Peter: OK, so that's another difference. And I'm not sure that's actually... I mean, is that true?
Sister Michael: I would say so.
Janet Taylor: Yeah, I suppose that's fair enough.
Father Peter: Yes, great. Off you go.
Jon: Catholics really buzz off statues and we don't so much.
Sister Michael: I do enjoy a good statue, it has to be said.

Sister Michael: Now, what else was there? Yes. Sadly, Sister Patrick has decided to leave us. She's returning to her missionary work, educating the heathen inhabitants of a primitive and savage place.
Miss Mooney: She's taking a teaching post in Belfast, Sister.
Sister Michael: Precisely. The Board of Governors promised me that her replacement would arrive today, but as usual they were talking out of their... [door bangs]
Ms. De Brún: I believe you've been expecting me.
Sister Michael: [rolls eyes] Here we go.

Sister Michael: I want to sit here.
Michelle: What? Why?
Sister Michael: Well, you're just such wonderful company, girls, what with your stimulating conversation and your razor sharp wit.
Erin: Really?
Sister Michael: No, not really. The woman next to me is eating an egg and onion sandwich and the smell of it is enough to turn an Orange march.

Sister Michael: Listen. I'm not going to make excuses for these kids, but... life has dealt them a very cruel hand, and they're living with a very serious condition. Truth is, Declan, they're from Derry.
Declan: Oh, God.
Michelle: Aye.
Declan: Well, that's punishment enough, I suppose.
Sister Michael: Quite.

Sister Michael: Lovely, altogether. You know, every year I sit backstage listening to the singers and it really makes me realise just how talented the professionals who originally recorded these tracks were. Now, who's on next?

Erin: If I leave now, I might still catch David.
Clare: What if Sister Declan wakes up?
Orla: It's funny how she sleeps with her eyes wide open, isn't it?
Erin: What?
[Sister Michael walks in the room and finds Erin halfway out the window, James pissing in a bucket, Orla cradling Sister Duncan's lifeless head, Clare eating a sandwich, and Michelle holding Sister Duncan's handbag]
Sister Michael: Sweet suffering Jehovah!
James: [groans]

Father Conway: And today we welcome some very special guests, the weans from Chernobyl, who've come over to give their wee lungs a bit of a clear out, because, ah, sure, there's all sorts wafting about in their neck of the woods. Sister.
Sister Michael: Lovely job so far, Seamus, but, you know, keep it moving. Rawhide's on in 15 minutes. Now, one might well question the wisdom of sending you here, of all places. Out of the frying pan into the... Well, maybe not the fire, but certainly a different type of frying pan. Or some sort of wok at the very least. But please don't worry yourselves too much about the whole civil war, sectarian conflict carry-on. There's really only thing you need to know. We're the goodies. Welcome to Derry.

Sister Michael: OK, just a couple of things. Firstly, I'd like to introduce Mae Cheung. Can you make yourself known, please, Mae? Miss Cheung's family have recently moved here to Derry so I hope you'll all make her feel very welcome. It's bound to be a bit of a culture shock, Mae. Things are done... differently in this part of the world. But I'm sure you'll soon feel as at home here as you did back in your beloved Donegal. Announcement from Jenny Joyce and the dance committee. "The school social event of the year is fast approaching, but before you don your glad rags... and boogie on dow..." I'm sorry, I simply cannot read this.

Sister Michael: Just one announcement today, girls. I'm sure many of you have guessed what it's about. Although tomorrow is not officially a public holiday, schools across the city have decided to view it as such. Because tomorrow, the President of the United States of America is coming here, to Derry. You're a little young to perhaps understand the enormity of this. A few short months ago, this would have been unimaginable. But here we are. And I for one can barely believe it. I mean, people in this place stop killing each other for five minutes and the whole world loses the absolute run of itself. This visit concerns me for a number of reasons, girls, but mostly because I am scared it will give the Pope ideas, and that's the last thing I need. No. Our Lady Immaculate will play no part in this farce. And I expect to see you all here tomorrow morning, business as usual. Is that clear? Is that clear?
All: Yes.
Sister Michael: The Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Sister Michael: If you could all just take a seat.
Deidre: Sorry I'm late, sister. Couldn't get over the bridge. This bloody bomb. I begged the Brits to let me take my chances, but the awkward bastards made me go the long way.
Joe: Health and safety gone mad, Deidre.
Deidre: What are you playing at, rifling through a dead nun's handbag?
Michelle: She stole my lipstick, Mammy.
Deidre: Don't lie. Sister Declan was a woman of God.
Sister Michael: Actually, she was known to be a bit light-fingered.