‘Episode One’
Season 1, Episode 1 - Aired January 4, 2018
The first day of school promises to be anything but easy for Erin, Orla, Claire, Michele, and new student James, when there's a bomb on the bridge.
Quote from Clare
Clare: Girls, I really don't feel great. I feel sort of shaky. I think my blood sugar is dangerously low.
Erin: Seriously, will you just have a Mars bar?
Clare: What about Kamal?
Michelle: Fuck Kamal.
Clare: Look, whatever happens in there, we have to stick together, OK? We have to back each other up.
Sister Michael: Ladies.
[inside Sister Michael's office:]
Clare: So it had nothing to do with me! Yes, OK, I was there, I admit that, but I didn't do anything. It was Michelle. It was all Michelle. I'm not going down for something I didn't do. If anyone deserves to get punished, it should be Michelle.
Sister Michael: Well, I think it's safe to say we all just lost a bit of respect for you there, Clare.
Quote from Aunt Sarah
Sarah: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not enjoying this bomb.
Joe: Shocking.
Mary: Desperate.
Sarah: Disgusting and disgraceful. I have an appointment in Tropicana at 12:00. 15 minutes in the stand up. But sure, I'll not get over the bridge at this rate. It's going to play havoc with my build-up. This is what they want. They want ordinary people to suffer. This is what it's all about.
Erin: I'm pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions isn't very high up on anyone's political agenda, Aunt Sarah.
Sarah: I wouldn't be so sure.
Quote from Orla
Orla: Aye, you shouldn't swear, Michelle, cos when you swear, Our Lady in heaven, she cries her tears, then make rain. Isn't that right, Sister Michael?
Sister Michael: What age are you now, Orla?
Orla: 15.
Sister Michael: Yeah. You might want to think about wising up.
Quote from Granda Joe
Joe: Them wains shouldn't have to take the bus to school. You should be driving them, you useless shite.
Gerry: I have to work, Joe.
Joe: Work? Ha-ha! Is that what you call it?
Gerry: Yes.
Joe: Why don't you just leave my Mary alone?
Gerry: Because we've been married for 17 years, Joe. We have two children. And because we're in love with each other.
Erin: Oh, boke.
Joe: I'll find some dirt on you yet, boy. I've got people working on it.
Quote from Clare
Clare: What's all this? I thought we were going to be individuals this year.
Erin: Look, I wanted to, Clare, but my ma wouldn't let me.
Clare: Well, I'm not being an individual on me own.
Quote from Michelle
Michelle: Well, come on, then, ball-ache. Are you introducing yourself, or what?
James: Hi. I'm Michelle's cousin, James.
Orla: Why's he making that funny noise?
Michelle: He's English, Orla. That's the way they talk. He's my Auntie Kathy's wain. I told you about my Auntie Kathy. She went to England years ago to have an abortion. Never came back. Never got the abortion, either. Lucky for you, James, eh?
James: I didn't actually know that.
Quote from Sister Michael
Erin: If I leave now, I might still catch David.
Clare: What if Sister Declan wakes up?
Orla: It's funny how she sleeps with her eyes wide open, isn't it?
Erin: What?
[Sister Michael walks in the room and finds Erin halfway out the window, James pissing in a bucket, Orla cradling Sister Duncan's lifeless head, Clare eating a sandwich, and Michelle holding Sister Duncan's handbag]
Sister Michael: Sweet suffering Jehovah!
James: [groans]
Quote from Michelle
Soldier: Everyone remain seated!
James: What's going on?
Michelle: I dunno. But do you think if I told him I had an incendiary device down my knickers, he'd have a look?
Erin: Michelle, he's a soldier.
Michelle: Ach, some of them are rides. I'm willing to admit it, even if nobody else will, because I'm a beacon of truth, Erin.
Erin: You're a mouth, that's what you are.
Quote from Michelle
James: I can't find the boys' toilets anywhere.
Michelle: It's an all-girls school, dick face. There are no boys' toilets.
James: So should I just use the girls' toilets?
Michelle: No, you should not, you fucking pervert.
Quote from Michelle
James: Oh, God.
[As Michelle goes to retrieve her lipstick from Sister Declan's handbag, James relieves himself in a bucket]
Erin: Jesus, that's disgusting. Stop it.
Michelle: That's the English for you. Fucking savages.