Clare: Seriously, folks, I'm not feeling entirely comfortable with this!
Father Peter: One... [Philip chuckles] two... [Clare screams] three.
Clare: [screams] Stop! Stop it! Get me out of here! He's trying to kill me! He wants to kill us all! All of the Catholics! Look at his eyes, he's a madman! A Fenian-hating madman. Don't let the Jaffa bastard hurt me! Please!
Erin: Jesus, Clare!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle do!

Orla: Ooh! Protestants like to march and Catholics like to walk.
Father Peter: OK, can we just...? Jenny, could you just...? Oh, you've already written it down, have you? Great, thank you, Jenny. I want to just pause and think about what's in here. What about the fact that we all feel and love and hope and... Write this down. We all cry. [Aisling, in charge of the "Similarities" board, is unsure whether to write this down] We all laugh. We all dream. I just want to think along those lines, for a moment. OK?
Boy: Catholics watch RTE!
Girl: Protestants love cleaning!
Michelle: Protestants are taller!
Dee: Catholics have more freckles!
Orla: Protestants hate ABBA!

Father Peter: Now, back to similarities. Yes?
Michelle: Ah, protestants are richer.
Father Peter: OK, so that's another difference. And I'm not sure that's actually... I mean, is that true?
Sister Michael: I would say so.
Janet Taylor: Yeah, I suppose that's fair enough.
Father Peter: Yes, great. Off you go.
Jon: Catholics really buzz off statues and we don't so much.
Sister Michael: I do enjoy a good statue, it has to be said.

News Presenter: [on TV] Because of government restrictions, we cannot broadcast the voice of Mr. Adams. His words are spoken by an actor.
Actor's Voice: [on TV] Well, with respect, and I mean...
Gerry: I will never understand the point of it.
Joe: I'll never understand the point of you.
Gerry: Grand so. [doorbell rings]
Erin: I'll go.
Actor's Voice: [on TV] ...agree about the need to see an end to all acts of violence. I want to see that.
Sarah: It's because his natural voice is actually very seductive. Apparently, he sounds like a West Belfast Bond. As far as the English are concerned, a voice like that... Well, it's dangerous.
Gerry: Just so I'm clear, are you saying that the British government dub the voice of Gerry Adams because it's too sexy?
Joe: It's like a fine whiskey. And I have that on good authority, boy.

Clare: OK, how much money do we have?
Michelle: Look the riding of the Protestants is one thing, but I really don't see why we have to buy them a present. I mean, they already have all the land, all the jobs and all the fucking rights.
Erin: Aye, Michelle, that's definitely the attitude we should have entering into this weekend.

Orla: Yeah, he may be a lad, Jon, but I can offer you protection. I have a hunting knife.
Jon: Right, OK.
James: Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going?
Jon: Nature's calling.
Orla: Whoa! Number 1 or Number 2?
Jon: Excuse me?
Orla: Just answer the question, Jon.
Jon: I don't want to answer the question. I'm not comfortable with the question.
Orla: Cos if it's a number two, it's safer to bury it. You don't want a pack of wolves following your scent out in these parts. Those boys, they'll tear you limb from limb.
Jon: We're inside.
Orla: They have very sophisticated noses, Jon.
Jon: I'm going to go now.

Clare: Last night, you said you hated Catholics. Admit it.
Philip: I said I hated athletes. I'm not much of a sports fan.
Clare: But we weren't even talking about athletes!
Philip: Well, I thought we were!
Clare: Why would you have thought we were talking about athletes?
Philip: Because I'm deaf in one ear!
Michelle: Catholics does sound a bit like athletes, to be fair to him, like.

Father Peter: I want you guys to give me examples of things that Catholics and Protestants have in common and things that they don't have in common. Let's start with similarities. Erin, why don't you get the ball rolling?
Erin: OK. So, we both... Right. So, we all... God, this is actually quite hard.
Father Peter: Anything at all, a small thing even.
Erin: OK, so... Right. God, I'm, actually, drawing a blank here, to be honest.
Father Peter: Not to worry, someone else? A similarity? Yes.
Philip: Protestants are British and Catholics are Irish. [Clare smiles]
Father Peter: So that's actually a difference. Quite a... Quite a big difference. [Clare's smile drops] But that's OK, we can write that down.

Mary: And for the love of God don't forget your waterproof trousers. They nearly bloody bankrupted us. Do the Protestants have to bring waterproof trousers? Or will the Catholics be expected to do all the dirty work?
Erin: What dirty work? It's an outdoor pursuits weekend.
Mary: I thought you said you were be building bridges?
Erin: Not real bridges, Mammy, metaphorical bridges.
Mary: Then why can't you wear metaphorical trousers?

Mary: Listen, wains, I've already said this to Erin.
Erin: Mammy, please!
Mary: No funny business with these Protestant lads. Is that clear? I don't want anybody landing back here pregnant.
James: Not very likely in my case.
Joe: I wouldn't rule it out, son.