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‘Across the Barricade’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Derry Girls: Across the Barricade

201. Across the Barricade

Aired March 5, 2019

Erin and friends take part in an outdoor pursuits weekend with a group of Protestant boys as part of a peace initiative. Meanwhile, Ma Mary obsesses about the big bowl she borrowed from Deidre.

Quote from Sister Michael

Father Peter: Now, back to similarities. Yes?
Michelle: Ah, protestants are richer.
Father Peter: OK, so that's another difference. And I'm not sure that's actually... I mean, is that true?
Sister Michael: I would say so.
Janet Taylor: Yeah, I suppose that's fair enough.
Father Peter: Yes, great. Off you go.
Jon: Catholics really buzz off statues and we don't so much.
Sister Michael: I do enjoy a good statue, it has to be said.

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Quote from Orla

Orla: Ooh! Protestants like to march and Catholics like to walk.
Father Peter: OK, can we just...? Jenny, could you just...? Oh, you've already written it down, have you? Great, thank you, Jenny. I want to just pause and think about what's in here. What about the fact that we all feel and love and hope and... Write this down. We all cry. [Aisling, in charge of the "Similarities" board, is unsure whether to write this down] We all laugh. We all dream. I just want to think along those lines, for a moment. OK?
Boy: Catholics watch RTE!
Girl: Protestants love cleaning!
Michelle: Protestants are taller!
Dee: Catholics have more freckles!
Orla: Protestants hate ABBA!

Quote from Clare

Clare: Seriously, folks, I'm not feeling entirely comfortable with this!
Father Peter: One... [Philip chuckles] two... [Clare screams] three.
Clare: [screams] Stop! Stop it! Get me out of here! He's trying to kill me! He wants to kill us all! All of the Catholics! Look at his eyes, he's a madman! A Fenian-hating madman. Don't let the Jaffa bastard hurt me! Please!
Erin: Jesus, Clare!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle do!

Quote from Aunt Sarah

News Presenter: [on TV] Because of government restrictions, we cannot broadcast the voice of Mr. Adams. His words are spoken by an actor.
Actor's Voice: [on TV] Well, with respect, and I mean...
Gerry: I will never understand the point of it.
Joe: I'll never understand the point of you.
Gerry: Grand so. [doorbell rings]
Erin: I'll go.
Actor's Voice: [on TV] ...agree about the need to see an end to all acts of violence. I want to see that.
Sarah: It's because his natural voice is actually very seductive. Apparently, he sounds like a West Belfast Bond. As far as the English are concerned, a voice like that... Well, it's dangerous.
Gerry: Just so I'm clear, are you saying that the British government dub the voice of Gerry Adams because it's too sexy?
Joe: It's like a fine whiskey. And I have that on good authority, boy.

Quote from Michelle

Clare: OK, how much money do we have?
Michelle: Look the riding of the Protestants is one thing, but I really don't see why we have to buy them a present. I mean, they already have all the land, all the jobs and all the fucking rights.
Erin: Aye, Michelle, that's definitely the attitude we should have entering into this weekend.

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: And for the love of God don't forget your waterproof trousers. They nearly bloody bankrupted us. Do the Protestants have to bring waterproof trousers? Or will the Catholics be expected to do all the dirty work?
Erin: What dirty work? It's an outdoor pursuits weekend.
Mary: I thought you said you were be building bridges?
Erin: Not real bridges, Mammy, metaphorical bridges.
Mary: Then why can't you wear metaphorical trousers?

Quote from Erin

Father Peter: I want you guys to give me examples of things that Catholics and Protestants have in common and things that they don't have in common. Let's start with similarities. Erin, why don't you get the ball rolling?
Erin: OK. So, we both... Right. So, we all... God, this is actually quite hard.
Father Peter: Anything at all, a small thing even.
Erin: OK, so... Right. God, I'm, actually, drawing a blank here, to be honest.
Father Peter: Not to worry, someone else? A similarity? Yes.
Philip: Protestants are British and Catholics are Irish. [Clare smiles]
Father Peter: So that's actually a difference. Quite a... Quite a big difference. [Clare's smile drops] But that's OK, we can write that down.

Quote from Clare

Clare: Last night, you said you hated Catholics. Admit it.
Philip: I said I hated athletes. I'm not much of a sports fan.
Clare: But we weren't even talking about athletes!
Philip: Well, I thought we were!
Clare: Why would you have thought we were talking about athletes?
Philip: Because I'm deaf in one ear!
Michelle: Catholics does sound a bit like athletes, to be fair to him, like.

Quote from Granda Joe

Mary: Listen, wains, I've already said this to Erin.
Erin: Mammy, please!
Mary: No funny business with these Protestant lads. Is that clear? I don't want anybody landing back here pregnant.
James: Not very likely in my case.
Joe: I wouldn't rule it out, son.

Quote from Orla

Orla: Yeah, he may be a lad, Jon, but I can offer you protection. I have a hunting knife.
Jon: Right, OK.
James: Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going?
Jon: Nature's calling.
Orla: Whoa! Number 1 or Number 2?
Jon: Excuse me?
Orla: Just answer the question, Jon.
Jon: I don't want to answer the question. I'm not comfortable with the question.
Orla: Cos if it's a number two, it's safer to bury it. You don't want a pack of wolves following your scent out in these parts. Those boys, they'll tear you limb from limb.
Jon: We're inside.
Orla: They have very sophisticated noses, Jon.
Jon: I'm going to go now.

Quote from Sister Michael

Jon: She's coming!
Erin: Who?
Jon: The woman. The small, angry penguin woman.
Clare: Sister Michael!
Michelle: Shit!
Erin: Oh, good evening Sister. We just popped round because we had a few questions about the British Empire, which the boys have cleared up for us now so...
Jenny: They weren't talking about the British Empire, Sister. They were having a party. I could hear the music.
Sister Michael: You will go far in life, Jenny. But you will not be well liked.

Quote from Erin

Erin: [v.o.] That summer was a remarkable one. It was the summer we dared to dream. For generations, we'd known nothing but violence. Nothing but hatred. But finally we were saying, "Enough is enough." Finally, we were saying, "Let's give peace a chance."
Orla: She's up here!
Erin: Jesus Christ!
Orla: She's pretending she's on Parkinson again.
Mary: [o.s.] Parkinson? Does she know what time it is? I'll Parkinson her. I've enough on my plate without Parkinson.
Erin: Close the door! [Orla enters the bathroom] No, Orla. Leave, then close the door. [Orla leaves] And it was Wogan, for your information!

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Orla: Has anybody seen my bow and arrow?
Sarah: Orla really thrives in the wild, you know. That time we went camping in Portsalon, sure she was like Mowgli running around them woods. She was that happy, Mary, I honestly thought about just leaving her there.
Orla: Ach, Mammy.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Sarah: Will any of your crowd be going, love?
Clare: My crowd?
Sarah: Or can you not get Protestant lesbians?
Clare: No, I think you can get them all right, it's just...

Quote from Granda Joe

Joe: I heard that k.d. lang on the radio yesterday. Christ, but she's some set of pipes on her. You're very talented people.
Clare: Thank you?

Quote from Clare

Clare: Of course she's friends with a half-Protestant! Of course she is!
Michelle: She has been fucking unbearable since them braces came off.
Erin: Dose.
Clare: Well, I'm going to make friends with a full Protestant, see how she likes it. Zara won't seem quite so impressive next to my thoroughbred, will she, Jenny?!
Erin: Relax, Clare.

Quote from Sister Michael

Sister Michael: So our Lady Immaculate Girls have been split into groups, A through to F, as have The Londonderry Boys Academy.
Janet Taylor: We'd like As to find As, Bs to find Bs, etc, and so on. It's very straightforward. However, if that isn't clear, feel free to say so.
Sister Michael: But know that you will be judged.

Quote from Clare

Clare: And I think the reason I was interested in whether or not you were a fully-blown Protestant is because as far as I'm concerned, you can't be Protestant enough. I am all for the Protestants. I can't get enough of them. Protestant mad I am. And I think... I maybe running with this but I'm sure you really like Catholics too, it's just that we've been conditioned to...
Philip: I don't.
Clare: What? You don't?
Philip: No. I hate them. I think they're all arseholes.
Clare: That's not true. That can't be true.
Philip: It is. And they're all thick as shit. I despise them. I really do.
Clare: OK.

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: I just cannot get my head around it.
Gerry: For the love of God, Mary, it's only a bowl.
Mary: Who just gives away their big bowl, Gerry? It doesn't make sense.
Joe: Aye, she's definitely up to something, love.
Sarah: I have always said that Deidre Mallon was a bit fly.
Joe: I'd confront her about it.
Mary: Oh, I intend to.
Gerry: Great! Do that! Then maybe we can lay the whole bloody thing to rest.
Joe: Take that tone with her again and I'll lay you to rest, boyo!

Quote from Erin

Father Peter: Is that everyone? Lovely stuff. OK, so, there was a bit of a misunderstanding on the expedition today which unfortunately led to a physical altercation. I thought rather than let it fester, we should talk about it, and start to heal and repair. So... who'd like to go first?
Geraldine: Jaffa bastard? You actually said those words?
Clare: It just came out, Mammy.
Sarah: Why were you threatening people with a knife, love?
Father Peter: OK, one at a time, please.
Philip's father: Well, if you'd wear the bloody hearing aid I paid a fortune for you'd have heard what she said! Unbelievable!
Harry's father: Girls! You were fighting with girls!
Joe: [to Gerry] This is all your fault. I knew this would happen.
[As Erin goes to the "Similarities" board and writes "Parents", Dee smiles]

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