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‘The Affair’ Quotes Page 1 of 7    

Derry Girls: The Affair

302. The Affair

Aired April 19, 2022

Erin and friends are excited to perform a song at the school's Stars in Their Eyes evening for Children in Need. Meanwhile, Ma Mary is quite taken with the new plumber, Gabriel.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Gabriel: Um... [notices Mary's book] Ah! Emily Bronte. Wow, what a genius.
Aunt Sarah: We'll have to take your word for it, Gabriel, for we don't know her.


Quote from Orla

Erin: How's it going? [Clare gives a "so-so" hand gesture] You're really not gonna talk for 24 hours?
Orla: Yeah, that's tough. You're better off not breathing.
Erin: Would she be, Orla? Or... would she be dead?
Orla: It's not doing me any harm.
Erin: What?
Orla: I'm not breathing for Children in Need.
Erin: That's happening now, is it, you're currently not breathing?
Orla: Correct.
Erin: Grand.

Quote from Orla

Erin: That Eileen Rafferty story did not add up, girls.
Michelle: Do you think your ma's getting plumbed by the plumber?
Orla: Well, I never trusted her, not since the day I met her.
Erin: She's your auntie, Orla. The day you met her you were a new-born baby.
Orla: Exactly.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Aunt Sarah: Shauna Sharkey's niece works for the company, you see.
Ma Mary: Right.
Aunt Sarah: Every voucher entitles you to a free item of make-up, a lip liner, a mascara...
Ma Mary: Shite!
Aunt Sarah: eyebrow pencil or what have you. I nearly took her hand off, Mary.
Ma Mary: This is all I need. Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: But there's a catch.
Ma Mary: I thought there might be.
Aunt Sarah: The retailer will accept one voucher per customer only. Now, what that means, Mary...
Ma Mary: I know what it means, Sarah. Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: It means I can't hand over 22 vouchers and say, "Give us items."
Ma Mary: No? Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: But if we were to head up to town with a bag of disguises.
Ma Mary: Bag of disguises?
Aunt Sarah: Couple of quick changes in the Richmond Centre toilets.
Ma Mary: No chance!

Quote from Ma Mary

Ma Mary: Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up! Will you all just please shut up? I am sick of it! I am sick of the boiler and the vouchers and the fountain pens and the bastardin' Pop Tarts. I am sick of the fact that I am responsible for everything in this house, you useless, useless shites! Enough is enough. You can all sort yourselves out for once! Now... I'm going to go upstairs and have a long, hot soak in the bath. And I do not want disturbed is that understood?
Da Gerry: There's no hot water.
Ma Mary: Christ almighty!

Quote from Michelle

Erin: Well, I am planning on visiting the hospital. I'm going to read the sick kids some of my work.
Michelle: No, Erin. Them wains have suffered enough.
Erin: Well, what's your great philanthropic plans?
Michelle: In English, please?
Erin: What are you doing for Children in Need?
Michelle: I might cut my hair. Charlene Kavanagh made a shit ton when she done it last year, and I'm trying to save for a holiday, so...
Erin: You can't keep the money, Michelle. You've to give it to the charity.
Michelle: What? Do you not just give them the hair? Ah, for...

Quote from Michelle

James: Hey, I passed! I passed!
Michelle: What are you on about?
James: My driving test. I... I passed.
Erin: You were doing your driving test?
James: It's literally all I've talked about for weeks.
Michelle: Jesus Christ, James! There's only so many ways I can say this.... We. Don't. Listen. To. You.

Quote from Michelle

Erin: You said this was dicky, Michelle.
Michelle: That was before the BBC Northern Ireland thing. This could be life-changing. You know, Pamela Anderson was just an ordinary girl at a football match when a roving camera stuck her on the big screen and then, boom.
James: Yeah, but she looks like Pamela Anderson.
Michelle: OK, James, it's hard for you to see it because we're related, but I'm a ride. I am a massive fucking ride.

Quote from Da Gerry

Gabriel: Um, fairly straightforward in the end. I'm sure you probably could have handled it, Gerry.
Da Gerry: Oh, I doubt that very much, Gabriel, what with me being of subnormal intelligence. Sure, there's chimpanzees with more wit.
Granda Joe: That's no word of a lie.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Ma Mary: Eileen Rafferty turned , so she's having this party.
Aunt Sarah: Eileen Rafferty turned last year, did she not?
Ma Mary: Aye. Aye, well, if you'd let me finish, she's having this party for her mother.
Aunt Sarah: Did her mother not pass away there?
Ma Mary: That's right, she did. So we're just gonna... We're just gonna have a couple of drinks in her memory.
Aunt Sarah: Is Eileen not teetotal, Mary?
Ma Mary: Oh, my God, how do you know so much about Eileen Rafferty? What are you, a stalker?
Aunt Sarah: If a woman's 50 and there's not a wrinkle on her, I take an interest, Mary.
Ma Mary: Well, she'll be on the Fanta Orange. [doorbell rings] There's my taxi. See you later.
Aunt Sarah: Fanta Orange, so that's her secret.

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