TV Quotes

News Presenter: [on TV] Despite John Hume's optimism earlier today, the DUP leader, Ian Paisley, has said that under no circumstances will his party sit at the same table as Sinn Fein, making all party talks impossible.
Mary: I can't take it any more. All these false promises. Waiting week after week, hoping today might be the day, only to be disappointed.
Gerry: Don't upset yourself, love. It's just a wheelie bin.
Mary: It'll change my life, Gerry. And Strabane's had them for months. I mean, what's going on there? Who's pulling the strings for Strabane?

News Presenter: [on TV] SDLP leader John Hume has again called for cross party peace talks...
Sarah: John's really dying for peace, like, isn't he? It's all he ever goes on about. I hope it works out for him.
Mary: Aye, I sort of hope it works out for all of us, Sarah.

Orla: Their wee beekeeper costumes are so cracker.

Clare: What's she doing now?
James: Reading her book.
[Sister Michael chuckles as she reads The Exorcist]
James: Now she's looking at the woman beside her. Now she's getting up. Now she's coming this way. Now she's standing right in front of us.
Sister Michael: What is he doing?
James: Now she's asking me-
Erin: Stop talking, James.

Gerry: Why does Jim across the road have a tranquilizer gun?
Sarah: His brother had an awful lot of bother with devil worshippers.
Gerry: Excuse me?
Sarah: Aye, they sent up camp on his farm and he couldn't shift them for love nor money, so Jim bought a couple of guns and just...
Gerry: What? Shot them?
Sarah: Aye. I think it worked, you know?
Gerry: I imagine it would, yeah.
Mary: I'm not convinced they were devil worshippers, you know?
Sarah: Sure their hair had never seen a brush and they were head to toe in tie dye, Mary.

Sister Michael: I want to sit here.
Michelle: What? Why?
Sister Michael: Well, you're just such wonderful company, girls, what with your stimulating conversation and your razor sharp wit.
Erin: Really?
Sister Michael: No, not really. The woman next to me is eating an egg and onion sandwich and the smell of it is enough to turn an Orange march.

Joe: God almighty, I don't know what the world's coming to. Bloody perverts.
Mary: You're overreacting, Da.
Joe: Overreacting? That lad's got no trousers on, for Christ sake.
Sarah: He has a great set of pins on him, doesn't he?
Mary: For God's sake will you close that window, we're foundered here.
Sarah: I need aired, Mary. I've five layers on me.
Mary: Five layers? What are you trying to do? Change race?
Sarah: Give us a going over with the hairdryer, will you?
Mary: Indeed I will not. I've enough to be at.
Joe: Why do they keep touching themselves?
Erin: Because they're artists, Granda.
Joe: Dirty English bastards is what they are. [to James] No offence son.

Orla: Will we need our passports, Gerry?
Gerry: For Belfast? I don't think so, love.

Michelle: Well, I'm not letting the fat, furry fuck ruin the biggest day of my life.
Erin: What can we do?
Michelle: Right, listen, girls, I've never told anyone this before but sometimes when Robbie's being interviewed, it's like he's sending me messages through the TV, you know, telepathically or whatever. It's like he's telling me we're going to be together.
Erin: Aye, maybe don't that to anyone again, Michelle. Ever.

Michelle: Look, this is too important. I'm going to that concert. I'm not afraid of a fucking polar bear!
Erin: Me either!
James: Nor me.
Michelle: Bastard!
Orla: I'll kill it with my own two hands if I have to.
Erin: Bring it on!
Clare: OK, we seem to have gone down a weird road here, people. I think we've just got a bit confused. We don't actually have to fight a polar bear. And, if we did, I wouldn't really fancy our chances because, well, they're massive.
Orla: But there's five of us so...

Erin: We need a better plan, Michelle!
Michelle: This is a great plan.
Erin: We cannot walk to Belfast!
Michelle: How far can it be? Have you ever seen Northern Ireland on a map? It's fucking tiny.

Rita: Let's get a move on!
Michelle: Right, get in the van. Come on. And do not test me, cos we've already missed PJ and Duncan.
Clare: Is that who was supporting them?
Michelle: Aye.
Clare: Aw, I really like them!
James: I'm not leaving, Michelle.
Michelle: Not even for Gary Barlow?
Jonjo: I don't really rate him as a songwriter, you know?
James: I'm sorry, Jonjo, but you've just crossed the line there.

Joe: Belfast!
Erin: Are we not a wee bit early, Daddy?
Gerry: It's a two hour drive with traffic, love.
Joe: This thing's in Belfast?!
Erin: But it's eight hours till the doors open.
Gerry: Aye, we're cutting it fine all right.

Joe: Belfast! Sure, why don't you just sell the wains into white slavery and be done with it?
Mary: Gerry'll be with them, Da.
Joe: That's worse! Sure, they hate his kind there.
Gerry: My kind?
Joe: Pricks.

Clare: We're going to get caught. I just know it.
Michelle: We're not going to get caught, Clare. Because, as far as our Mas are concerned, me, you and James are at Erin's house, and Erin and Orla are round mine.
Orla: But we're not round yours, Michelle. We're on a bus to Belfast.
Michelle: I can't, I cannot explain it to her again, I'm going to scream.

Clare: God, I am boiling.
Erin: Is it any wonder, Clare? What are you wearing?
Michelle: Yeah, you look like a fucking provo.
Clare: Look, I don't want anyone recognising me, OK?

Sister Michael: What have you got in here, girls?
Clare: It's not ours!
Sister Michael: Not yours?
Clare: We've never see it before in our lives. Have we, girls?
Michelle: Never.
James: Nope.
Sister Michael: Excuse me, everyone! Can I have your attention, please? Does anyone own this red suitcase? [Orla raises her hand behind Sister Michael's back]
All: No.
Sister Michael: Now, let me be clear, no-one can claim this bag, is that correct?
All: That's correct.
Sister Michael: I think we've got a code red on our hands. Driver, pull over!

Erin: Have you ever actually met them, Rita? Take That?
Rita: No, I can't stand them, if I'm being honest, but their fans are so thick they'll buy any old shite. Present company included.
Erin: I think you mean excluded.
Rita: Naw. Naw, I don't.
Erin: I see.

Erin: Wise up, Mammy! As if a polar bear's going to rock up at a Take That concert!
Orla: He wouldn't get a ticket, for a start. They sold out months ago.
Mary: You'd be surprised, girls.
Joe: Aye, thon boys would get in where draughts wouldn't.
Gerry: Sure, the concert's nowhere near the zoo.
Joe: But he's not in the zoo anymore, is he, simple Simon? He's sauntering about Belfast without a care in the world.
Sarah: Aye, keep up, Gerry.

Gerry: What I'm saying is, it would be quite a lot of ground for him to cover.
Mary: They're quick on their feet when they want to be, love.
Orla: Or someone might give him a lift.
Erin: Whose side are you on, Orla?