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Episode Three

‘Episode Three’

Season 1, Episode 3 - Aired January 18, 2018

After the girls fail to study for a history exam, they latch onto an apparition to get them out of the test.

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: Christ, I feel a bit bokey. [Michelle opens the curtains]
Clare: Sweet sufferin' Jesus, it's the morning already! What are we going to do?
Michelle: Well, maybe we could start with calming the fuck down.
Clare: Calm down? We're still on William of Orange, Michelle! We haven't so much looked at the famine!
Michelle: We've got the gist. They ran out of spuds. Everyone was ragin'.
James: Well, I can't tell my rebellions from my risings.
Michelle: And whose fault's that? If your lot had stopped invading us for five fucking minutes there'd be a lot less to wade through, you English prick!


Quote from Granda Joe

Joe: You stay over too, son?
James: Yes, I did. That's correct, sir.
Joe: [looks at Erin] What, in your room? [to Gerry] Have you nothing to say about this, you slack southern shite? Look, love, I know the fella's gay...
James: I'm not gay.
Joe: But gay or not...
James: Who said I was gay?
Joe: ...he's still a fella. There's still a good chance that he's a rapist. I mean no offence, son.

Quote from Orla

Sarah: So what happens now, Peter?
Father Peter: Well, I think the next stage is Rome, audience with the big man.
Orla: Pavarotti!
Gerry: John-Paul II.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Are you sure you didn't just...
Michelle: Jesus, me too! She just smirked at me, too!
James: Why isn't she smirking at me?
Erin: She isn't smirking at anyone, James.
Orla: I just saw it, too! The holy smirk, thanks be to God!
Erin: You're imagining it.
Michelle: Three of us saw it, Erin, how do you explain that?
Erin: Sleep deprivation, Pernod, delusional personality disorder.

Quote from Erin

Erin: It's abuse. That's what it is, it's abuse. Does anybody have 10p? I'm ringin' ChildLine.
Michelle: You can't ring ChildLine every time your ma threatens to kill you, Erin.
Clare: Yeah, you can't waste Esther's time like that.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Would you listen? It was piss.
Michelle: What was?
Erin: The tears on the statue. Well, I actually have good reason to believe they were... actually dog piss.
James: No! You're not serious!
Erin: Deadly serious.
Clare: Sweet and gentle Jesus! I mean, that sort of makes sense. I'm not even sure I saw her smirk any more. I've had a lot of caffeine.
Michelle: I definitely didn't see her smirk. I was lying, so...
James: Excellent.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Bon bon? [eats one] What a day. God, this is really hard.
Father Peter: Oh, it's been incredible.
Erin: Were they always this hard?
Father Peter: You know, to tell you the truth, Erin, I've been having a bit of a crisis of faith recently.
Erin: That so? Seriously, it's like a jawbreaker.
Father Peter: It's been very challenging.
Erin: Really? Sorry, I'm gonna have to spit this out.

Quote from Sister Michael

Father Peter: Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here but he has risen. Come, come see the place where the Lord lay! God is inviting us to be his witness. We must look in the burial place.
Mary: What's he saying?
Gerry: I think he's saying he wants to dig up the wee dead dog's grave.
Mary: What?!
Erin: What?
Sister Michael: Feckin' weirdo!

Quote from Erin

Erin: I was going to tell yous all later, but then Peter showed up and there was just this instant connection, like a spark.
Michelle: There was no spark, Erin.
Erin: He said I was special.
Michelle: He also said your dead pet had been fucking resurrected, so, you know, pinch of salt.
Erin: Yes. And now he's talking about digging him up, and when he does, he'll realise that Toto has not in fact been resurrected. He'll realise that Toto is just dead. Very, very dead, and we've all been talking shite.

Quote from Clare

[Erin, James, Orla and Michelle kneel down next to Clare in front of the statue]
Michelle: I'm not gonna bother with any "never sin again" material, cos let's face it, we've been there before. You know it's balls, I know it's balls.
Clare: [gasps] Oh, my God!
Erin: What is it?
Clare: She... She... I saw with my own eyes!
Erin: Saw what?
Clare: She smirked!
Michelle: Who? Big M?
Clare: Aye. She just smirked at me.

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