James: Why doesn't someone just call the police?
Erin: Cos that's not how things work around here, James.
James: Well, how do things work here? How do they work? Will one of you please explain it to me, because sometimes I feel like I've gone through the fucking looking glass!
Clare: Calm down, James.
Michelle: Aye, don't be such a dick, James.

James: Do you know the bit about how we don't have to say anything at this time, and anything we do say may be given in evidence? You know, our right to remain silent? You haven't told me about my right to remain silent! What about my right to remain silent?!
Michelle: Shut the fuck up, James!

Michelle: In fact, Cool Runnings is probably one of my favourite films.
Jenny: Right. I haven't seen that one.
Aisling: Me either.
Tomas: Nor me, I'm afraid.
James: We have to leave.
Michelle: Shh!
James: They haven't seen Cool Runnings, Michelle. I don't trust these people.

James: OK, can I just check something? Everybody else can see the dead body, right?
Erin: It's just Bridie!
James: It's Bridie's corpse. It's Bridie's dead corpse.
Michelle: It's her wake. What were you expecting?
Erin: Haven't you ever seen a dead body before?
James: Of course not!
Michelle: Christ, but the English are weird.

Clare: What's she doing now?
James: Reading her book.
[Sister Michael chuckles as she reads The Exorcist]
James: Now she's looking at the woman beside her. Now she's getting up. Now she's coming this way. Now she's standing right in front of us.
Sister Michael: What is he doing?
James: Now she's asking me-
Erin: Stop talking, James.

James: I don't really want anything.
Erin: You don't want anything?
Michelle: How could you not want anything? It's lovely.
James: I just don't really fancy it, that's all.
Orla: I don't understand.
Clare: Are you not feeling well, James?
James: I don't like it! OK? It's too greasy, it's much, much too greasy! Even the smell of it makes me feel physically sick!
Michelle: I'm sorry you had to hear that, Fionnula. [to James] You are a fucking embarrassment.
Fionnula: Get him out of here!
Michelle: You heard the woman.

James: I support gays, even though I myself am not actually gay.

James: Jesus Christ, look! Above the stage, look! She's not gonna do a Carrie!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle-do!
Clare: What's a Carrie? What does that mean?
James: You've never seen Carrie?
Michelle: Aw, it's some film, Clare.
Erin: Amazing.
Orla: Aye, you should check it out.
Clare: Expand and explain! Expand and explain!
James: So, Carrie is voted Prom Queen and this bully pours a bucket of pig's blood on her.
Clare: Jesus Christ!
James: I mean, lots of other stuff happens, too, but that's the, sort of, relevant bit.

Erin: James. Listen, I have something to tell you, and... Ooh, Dib-Dab. OK. I'm just gonna say it. I think Katya is planning on having sex with you, tonight.
James: I know.
Erin: You know?
James: I'm meeting her upstairs in a bit. She told me to have some food first. Apparently, sex uses up a lot of energy.
Erin: You do not want to do this, James!
James: Yes, I do.
Erin: You're not ready for it!
James: I am.
Erin: She doesn't love you, James. She's just using you.
James: Yeah, but, the thing is, I don't care.

James: Wait, are they arresting us? But they haven't said the bit! You haven't said the bit!