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‘The Curse’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Derry Girls: The Curse

204. The Curse

Aired March 26, 2019

The Quinns cause a scene at a family wedding, leading to another awkward occasion.

Quote from Uncle Colm

Colm: And, now, I don't mind a bit of a breeze, if anything I prefer it, but thon was aggressive. So, I says to myself, says I, "Colm, this is no day for a do..."
Sister Michael: What's happening?
Colm: ...for, when the bride arrived and, as I say, by this stage the wind was fierce...
Sister Michael: Am I dead?
Colm: ...I've never heard wind like it.
Sister Michael: Is this my wake?
Colm: Howling like a banshee, it was.
Sister Michael: Am I in hell?
Colm: So, the poor girl, the bride now, this is, she arrives anyway and isn't she no sooner out of the car than she's lifted up in the air like a paper doll and blown into a flowerbed.
Sister Michael: That's actually quite funny.

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Quote from James

James: OK, can I just check something? Everybody else can see the dead body, right?
Erin: It's just Bridie!
James: It's Bridie's corpse. It's Bridie's dead corpse.
Michelle: It's her wake. What were you expecting?
Erin: Haven't you ever seen a dead body before?
James: Of course not!
Michelle: Christ, but the English are weird.

Quote from Uncle Colm

Colm: John over there was just saying... You know John? Lovely fella. Married to, er, Patricia, I think it is, and her mother worked in the credit union, you might remember. Absolutely crippled with the old gallstones, so she was.
Mary: Christ Almighty.
Colm: And the gallstones... Well, now, they're no joke. A neighbour of mine, Dickie Dunnagan, by God, he was tortured with the gallstones. The size of golf balls they were.
Mary: And what did John say, Colm? For the love of God, what did he say?
Colm: He was telling me there, John was, that every being in the place is talking about Sarah's frock.
Sarah: Och, really?
Mary: Jesus, but this is an ordeal.
Colm: Well, at least they got a good day for it, Mary. I'll tell you, I was at one there, up in the Cathedral last week. By God, the wind could have cut you in two. Fierce it was, and now I don't mind a bit of a breeze. If anything, I prefer it. But thon was aggressive. And I says to myself, says I, "Colm, this is no day for a do." And as it turns out...
Mary: Can I just stop you there, Colm?
Colm: Surely, Mary. Go ahead.
Mary: Oh, no, I've got nothing to say. I just really, really need you to stop talking.
Colm: Fair enough.

Quote from Clare

Michelle: You're such a wreck-a-buzz, Clare.
Clare: Look, Michelle, drugs are illegal, drugs are addictive, but perhaps most importantly, in this country you can lose your kneecaps if you're caught doing them. And I like my kneecaps, Michelle. They suit my knees.
Orla: You do have cracking kneecaps, Clare.
James: Is that true?
Erin: Sort of.

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: These aren't any old scones, girls. These are funny scones.
Orla: Aye, they do look like good craic, in fairness.
Erin: Funny scones?
Clare: They're drug scones! She's put the drugs in the scones!
Michelle: Too fucking right I have! I wanted to do brownies but this was the only recipe my Ma had, so...
Clare: We talked about this, Michelle. We agreed.
Michelle: No, we didn't. Anyway, drugs aren't illegal when you put them in food. Everybody knows that.
James: Is that right? I'm not sure that's right.
Maureen Malarkey: Any cups up here? I'll take that.
Michelle: What the fuck just happened?!

Quote from Michelle

Clare: What are we gonna do?! What in under God are we gonna do?!
Michelle: It's fine.
Clare: It's definitely not fine! There's drug scones down there! If people eat the drug scones then we'll have drugged those people, Michelle!
Michelle: So? Drugging people isn't a crime.
James: You've a very loose grasp of the law, Michelle.
Erin: What kind of person brings hash scones to a wake?
Michelle: Typical. I try and do a nice thing and this is the thanks I get.
Clare: It's terrible. There's old people down there. What if an old person takes one?
Michelle: Why does everybody get so sentimental about old people?! Old people are arseholes!

Quote from Clare

Clare: I cannot believe you're even discussing it.
Michelle: Let's live a little, for fuck's sake!
Clare: I want no part of this. And if you guys do decide to go through with it, then, I'm sorry, but any friendship we have is over.
[music: Rock The Boat by The Hues Corporation plays]
Clare: Rock The Boat! It's Rock The Boat!
Michelle: Happy fucking days!
Clare: Quick!
Erin: Yes!
Michelle: Bagsy the front! Bagsy the front!

Quote from James

Orla: You can touch her if you want?
James: Why the hell would I want to touch her?!
Orla: It's nice.
James: Stop it!
Clare: It's just a dead body, James. We're all going to be one someday.
James: Oh, thanks for that, Clare. Yeah, that's helped.

Quote from Granda Joe

Mary: [sees Colm talking to a man] Oh, God!
Gerry: What is it?
Mary: He's got someone. Should we save the poor fella?
Joe: No chance.
Sarah: Och, Daddy, he's only young.
Joe: I don't care! When it comes to our Colm, it's every man for himself.

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: Something troubling you, Bridie?
Aunt Bridie: Aye, you could say that. My Eammon has been waiting all night for this song.
Mary: For Rock The Boat? Really?
Aunt Bridie: But your girls pushed him out of the line, and now he has a bruise. Show them the bruise, Eammon.
Eammon: I bruise quite easily.
Aunt Bridie: That's not the point!
Mary: Right. I see. Well, I'm sorry about that, Eammon.
Aunt Bridie: Is that all you have to say?
Mary: I'm not sure what else there is to say, Bridie. Except, maybe, our girls are 16, and Eammon's a 50-year-old man.
Sarah: Look, it's a rough routine, Bridie. You know that going in. You sit down on that floor at your own risk.

Quote from Sister Michael

Gerry: Sister! How are you?
Sister Michael: Well, I'm at a wake, Mr. Quinn, so I've had better evenings.
Gerry: Did you know Bridie, then?
Sister Michael: No. But I believe your wife put some sort of a curse on her.
Gerry: Well, no, not exactly.
Sister Michael: You're not a tongue person, are you?
Gerry: I'm sorry?
Sister Michael: I'm on communion duty. Christ, but I cannot stand the tongue people! I mean, what's all that about? You can't lift a wafer into your own mouth? You need me to do it for you?
Gerry: Right, yeah, that... that must be tough.
Sister Michael: Father Thomas usually deals with the wakes but he's very sick at the minute. Bedridden, in fact.
Gerry: God! What caused it?
Sister Michael: Jack Daniels... mostly.

Quote from Orla

Clare: Are you sure this'll work?
James: This is how you get rid of drugs, Clare. I've seen Goodfellas, like, 20 times.
Orla: It's not the only way. I watched this film once about this girl who was trying to hide drugs and what she did was she shoved them right up her...
Michelle: I'm not sticking a scone up my hole, Orla. I'll tell you that for nothing.

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: Right, well, you know Macca?
Erin: I can't say I do.
Michelle: Aye, Macca. Big Macca. Come on! Everybody knows Macca.
Clare: We don't.
Michelle: Wise up! Macca? Macca. Macca. Macca!
Clare: That's not helping, Michelle!
Michelle: Macca. Tall fella, dark hair, wonky nose from when he used to do the bare-knuckle boxing. Look, he's loads of tattoos, big scar under his left eye. He was kicked out of Creggan for joyriding!
Clare: Well, he sounds delightful!
Orla: He really does.

Quote from Ma Mary

Erin: Right, well, that's the dishes done. Would you like another cup of tea there, Mammy?
Mary: No, I'm fine.
Erin: I'll just grab the Hoover and give the stairs a bit of a going over.
Orla: And I'll maybe do a bit of dusting.
Mary: What's got into you two? What are you up to? What do you want?
Erin: Nothing, we just thought that we should pull our weight a bit more, Mammy.
Orla: You do so much for us, Aunt Mary.
Erin: You deserve a bit of a break.
Mary: I can't hex people, girls. It was an accident.

Quote from Clare

Clare: The thing, is I just have so many questions about God, about life after death.
Sister Michael: Go away, please.
Clare: And I try to silence my doubts, I really do, but lately...
Sister Michael: I don't believe it.
Clare: What's wrong, Sister?
Sister Michael: Are these cinnamon?
Clare: Do you like cinnamon?
Sister Michael: I can't be doing with cinnamon.
Clare: Then that's what they are! Absolutely! 100%!

Quote from Orla

Orla: She really suits being dead, doesn't she?
Erin: What?

Quote from Michelle

Clare: It's not happening. Drugs are for mugs, folks!
Michelle: Congratulations, Clare. That may be the dickiest sentence that anyone's ever said.
James: Come on, Michelle, what makes you think you can trust this Macca person?
Michelle: Well, he's not English for a start, so...
Erin: James has a point.
Michelle: No, he doesn't!
Erin: What if he gives us dodgy gear?
Michelle: Dodgy gear?! What is this, The Bill?!

Quote from Ma Mary

Aunt Bridie: It wasn't my poor sister's fault. She tried her best with both of you, but you're your father's daughters, all right.
Mary: I'd rein it in, now, if I were you.
Aunt Bridie: I really think you were a disappointment to her, you know?
Joe: Now, hold on a goddamn minute!
Mary: Daddy, you will not dignify that with a response.
Aunt Bridie: And I'll tell you something else. If your mother saw thon hat, she'd be turning in her grave for it's nothing but a bloody eyesore.
Mary: Och, drop dead, you spiteful old hag!
[Aunt Bridie's eyes twitch before she falls back onto the floor with a thud]
Mary: Catch yourself on...

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: I just cannot believe it.
Sarah: Listen, Mary, no matter what you've done you're still my sister. I'll stand by you.
Mary: I haven't done anything, Sarah.
Joe: Exactly, love. Everybody knows you didn't mean to kill the old boot. God rest her soul.
Mary: I didn't kill her!
Joe: Och, you know what I mean, not kill... ..hex.
Mary: I didn't hex her either, Da! It was just a very tragic...
Joe: My mother, she had the gift too, you know. By God, that woman could make her enemies drop like flies.
Mary: Look, I don't have any gift. There's no dark forces at play here. I just said something unfortunate that happened to...
Sarah: Cause her death?
Mary: ...coincide with her death.

Quote from Ma Mary

Eammon: No, Mary, no, I was just gonna say that my poor mother, God bless her and keep her...
Joe: Amen.
Eammon: ...well, she didn't mean what she said at the wedding.
Mary: Oh, please, you don't need to explain.
Eammon: You were worried I'd think you'd put a curse on her?
Mary: Well...
Eammon: That's hilarious.
Mary: Aye.
Eammon: I mean, obviously, a curse was my first thought. But I looked into it and Mammy's death, it doesn't meet the official requirements. So, you're completely in the clear on that front, Mary. Nothing to worry about at all.
Mary: Great.

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