Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Prom’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Derry Girls: The Prom

205. The Prom

Aired April 2, 2019

Jenny organizes a 50s-themed prom, but the girls are more intrigued by a new pupil at the school.

Quote from Sister Michael

Sister Michael: OK, just a couple of things. Firstly, I'd like to introduce Mae Cheung. Can you make yourself known, please, Mae? Miss Cheung's family have recently moved here to Derry so I hope you'll all make her feel very welcome. It's bound to be a bit of a culture shock, Mae. Things are done... differently in this part of the world. But I'm sure you'll soon feel as at home here as you did back in your beloved Donegal. Announcement from Jenny Joyce and the dance committee. "The school social event of the year is fast approaching, but before you don your glad rags... and boogie on dow..." I'm sorry, I simply cannot read this.

Rate

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: This doesn't do my baps any justice.
Clare: Have you decided who you're bringing yet?
Michelle: I've narrowed it down to two. There's big Johnny Kells who works in Dunnes. Thick as fuck, but a massive, massive ride. Then there's this other fella, he's not as thick, but he's also not as hot, although I have heard he is really good with his hands. And when I say he's good with his hands, I'm not talking about putting up shelves, girls. I'm talking about...
James: Everybody knows what you're talking about, Michelle!
Michelle: ...fingering.
James: Honestly!

Quote from James

James: Jesus Christ, look! Above the stage, look! She's not gonna do a Carrie!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle-do!
Clare: What's a Carrie? What does that mean?
James: You've never seen Carrie?
Michelle: Aw, it's some film, Clare.
Erin: Amazing.
Orla: Aye, you should check it out.
Clare: Expand and explain! Expand and explain!
James: So, Carrie is voted Prom Queen and this bully pours a bucket of pig's blood on her.
Clare: Jesus Christ!
James: I mean, lots of other stuff happens, too, but that's the, sort of, relevant bit.

Quote from Sister Michael

Choir: [sing] Doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee do-o-o It's Monday morning It's Monday morning Hip hip hooray Hip hip hooray Let's get going It's a brand-new day It's Monday morning It's Monday morning Come on, let's go Come on, let's go Paint on a smile and start the show Dum dum dum dum-m-m Oh, Monday morning There ain't nothing that I-I-I can't do... Doo bee doo bee doo On Monday morning Monday morning Oh, Monday morning Monday morning Monday morning, I love yo-o-ou. [Jenny holds shaky last note]
Sister Michael: Lovely. And I believe you wrote the lyrics yourselves. Is that correct?
Jenny: It is indeed, Sister.
Sister Michael: Do you ever think you might have too much time on your hands, girls? Lose the jackets.

Quote from Orla

Michelle: Why do we even have to talk to her?
Clare: Because she's new, Michelle!
Michelle: Urgh! I hate people I don't know.
Clare: And, in case you hadn't noticed, she also happens to be Chinese. I mean, how class would it be to have a Chinese friend?!
Orla: We could keep her in my toy box.
Michelle: No, we couldn't, Orla.
Orla: Oh, she'd definitely fit.
Erin: That is not the point.

Quote from Michelle

James: I don't feel so bad about missing it now. It clashes with my thing.
Michelle: The creep convention? Seriously?
James: It's not a creep convention.
Michelle: Well, I think a load of perverts getting together to wank over some fella, who fights with hoovers and rides aliens in a telephone box, is the very fucking definition of a creep convention.
James: It's a Doctor Who night. Me and my stepdad used to watch it when I was little.
Michelle: Well, someone should have called social services, James!

Quote from Orla

Michelle: OK, now that Mae has officially joined the group, we need to give James his notice.
James: What?
Michelle: I personally think a week's more than generous.
Orla: Me, too.
James: Orla!
Orla: Oh, I'm sorry, James, but Chinese people are just better than English people.

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: How long are we supposed to go on like this, Gerry?
Gerry: I'm trying my best!
Mary: We've already missed Coronation Street.
Gerry: Well, every cloud, as they say.
Mary: I've warned you before, Gerry. You say another bad word about Coronation Street and you may leave this house and never return.
Sarah: And you'd have my full backing on that, Mary.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Oh, God. John Paul's over there. Christ, but it's been so awkward since we broke up.
Michelle: For fuck sake, Erin. He kissed you on the cheek at Kerry Coyle's 16th birthday party and then passed out in a puddle of his own boke.
Erin: Yeah. He missed the boat, all right.
Michelle: I'm sure the fact that he's poking a model is some consolation.
Erin: OK. Cara is not a model. She's done some modelling. There's a difference.
Orla: I heard she's gonna be on Baywatch.
Erin: She's not going to be on Baywatch, Orla.
Clare: I heard that, too.
Michelle: So did I.
Erin: They don't have people from Derry on Baywatch, OK? We're just too pasty.

Quote from Clare

Clare: There she is. OK, so I say we just go over there and be ourselves, girls. Well, not totally ourselves. We should definitely be a bit ourselves. We could also pretend we're sort of better than we actually are. So, I suppose what I'm saying is, we could present a version of ourselves that's less...
Erin: Crap.
Clare: Precisely.

Quote from Michelle

Michelle: Fine, but can we agree it's on a strict one-in, one-out basis? If she joins the group, James has to leave.
Clare: Of course!
Erin: Fine.
Orla: Absolutely.
James: Excuse me?

Quote from Michelle

Clare: [speaks Cantonese]
Mae: Is she all right?
Michelle: Burning for you, Clare.
Clare: I-It's Cantonese.
Mae: Right, well, I'm from Donegal and we speak English there.
Michelle: If you say so, Mae, but I spent the summer in Killybegs and, seriously? Not a fucking word.

Quote from Clare

Orla: Maybe we don't need a Chinese person. We've already got a lesbian.
Mae: What? Who?
Clare: Me.
Mae: Really? You don't look like a lesbian.
Clare: What do you mean?
Mae: Just that you're a bit...short.
Clare: Well, there's no height restrictions. As far as I'm aware.
Mae: Interesting. I've always wanted a gay friend. I mean, ideally a fella, but...

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Sarah: Och, Mary, you'd think the wain's been dropped into it. You wouldn't nip it in a bit for her? I'd do it myself but sewing plays havoc with my acrylics.
Mary: Fine.

Quote from Granda Joe

Ian Paisley: [on TV] This document is an insult to the majority of people of Northern Ireland!
Gerry: All right, Ian, we get the idea, like.
Joe: What are you footering at?
Gerry: Ah, the picture's just gone a bit, sort of... [Joe smacks the TV] Dear Jesus!
Joe: You have to give it a bit of a shock now and again. [hits it again] You have to keep it on its toes.
Gerry: I'm not sure you do have to keep it on its toes, Joe. It's a television. [Joe hits it repeatedly] OK, OK, OK! I'm just going to turn it off and turn it on again. That usually does the trick. [turns the TV off] There we go. Hm? There doesn't seem to be anything happening now.
Joe: This stupid prick's broken the TV, Mary!
Mary: For God's sake, Gerry.
Joe: He's been footering.
Gerry: Excuse me. You're the one that was thumping it repeatedly, Joe.
Joe: I'll thump you repeatedly.

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: Well, the pair of you better sort it out. London's Burning's on in 20 minutes.
Sarah: God, Mary, but them poor fellas are flat out with fires, so they are. Jesus, but they never get a minute.
Mary: Aye, it's a good job they keep themselves in such great shape.
Sarah: Aw, don't, Mary. That Greek fella... He could throw me over his shoulder any day of the week.
Erin: Boke-o-rama.

Quote from Orla

Michelle: I can't find anything I like.
Orla: Well, I'm just so torn. I mean, I love my Easter dress, but this is cracker, too. There is just nothing that doesn't suit me.

Quote from Granda Joe

Sarah: What time's your date arriving at, Orla, love?
Joe: He's already here.
Erin: You asked Granda to the prom?
Orla: Well, everyone kept saying you have to ask a fella you really like. And he's the fella I like the most. [Joe bows]
Sarah: Och, Orla, love.
Gerry: You're looking well, Joe.
Joe: It's not all shite you talk, Gerry. Should we head?

Quote from Clare

Clare: Anyway, what can I do for you?
Kris: Well, I see you're hanging out with Mae?
Clare: Right.
Kris: So, I know Mae from back home.
Clare: From China?!
Kris: No, Donegal.
Clare: Yes. Right. Sorry.

Quote from Ma Mary

Mary: God only knows what else we've missed.
Gerry: We won't have missed anything. [TV turns on] Yes!
News Presenter: [on TV] And tonight's main story again. A historic evening for Northern Ireland. As of midnight tonight, after 25 years, the IRA have called a ceasefire. In a statement released earlier this evening, they said there would be a "complete cessation of all military operations".
Mary: What did I tell you?
Sarah: Aye, well done, Gerry.

Page 2 


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode