Sam: Hey Woody, didn't you say you'd been to this, uh, Le Petit Orange Restaurant?
Woody: Yeah.
Cliff: Hey, Woody, you been to that, uh, fancy joint, eh?
Woody: Yeah, a couple of times. Yeah?
Sam: Yeah, well, how was it? Did they treat you well?
Woody: Oh, I didn't eat there. I just went in to use the men's room.
Sam: Well, the... The restaurant part, did it look like a a nice romantic place to take a lady?
Woody: Well, who could tell, Sam? It's real dark in there, and they got this guy running around playing a violin.
Sam: Oh, no. I bet they got those pictures of those guys that are half men, half horse, too, right?
Woody: I'm glad you said that, Sam. I thought I was seeing things.

Woody: Miss Chambers? You know I'm your friend and friends should stick together, so I'm really happy you're back.
Diane: Oh, Woody, thanks.
Woody: Well, kind of happy, 'cause Sam's my friend, too. So I can't be too happy or else he'll can me, which will make me really sad. And I know you, as my friend, wouldn't be happy about that. So, whatever you do, don't tell Sam what I just told you.
Diane: What did you just tell me?
Woody: Perfect.

Norm: Can you settle an argument here? How much you figure a guy like that pays for his socks?
Frasier: Well, I've seen those at Barney's. They're about 75 a pair.
Woody: [chuckles] Even I pay a dollar for mine.

Rebecca: I'm probably gonna lose my job.
Sam: Oh, right. Sure. He's gonna come over here and fire you because of one lousy kiss. Talk about paranoid.
Woody: [knocking] Miss Howe. Mr. Drake's here to see you.
Sam: Talk about coincidence.
Rebecca: I'm dead.
Sam: No, you're not. Now, I'll take care of this. Uh, Woody, can you stall for a minute there?
Woody: Sure. You know, in high school, I entered the 4-H Club...
Sam: Not us, Woody. Him, him. Not us, him. Out there, boy. Come on. Okay?
Woody: Sure, Sam. Would it have killed you to be a little more specific?

Rebecca: This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.
Woody: Hey, I don't see anybody else volunteering to go over there and get roughed up and hung by their heels. I did it 'cause I was trying to help.
Carla: Okay, you were trying to help. Why'd you have to be so stupid about it?
Woody: And that's another thing. I'm sick and tired of hearing that word.
Carla: Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Woody: If I hear that word one more time, I'm walking out of here and never coming back.
Sam: Oh, come on, man. That's stupid.
Woody: That's it, I quit.
Sam: Cool down.
Woody: No, no, I'm serious. I've had it with this place. I'm not appreciated here anymore.
Sam: Oh, Woody, come on, man. That's not true.
Woody: Leave me alone!

Woody: It's okay, Sam, I understand about the car thing.
Sam: Oh, good.
Woody: I didn't mean to put you on the spot. And, uh, I want you to know that, even though you won't let me borrow your car, there's no hard feelings. And if I ever have a car of my own, and you want to borrow it, it's yours.
Sam: Ah, I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to guilt me into giving you my car.
Woody: No, I'm not. I wouldn't do that. You're my best friend.
Sam: Ah, man, you're scum!
Woody: I mean it, Sam, I love you.
Sam: Hey, fine. Here, take the damn car.
Woody: What just happened?
Cliff: You outsmarted him.
Woody: So that's what it feels like.

Carla: Woody, what time is it?
Woody: Oh, don't go by my watch. I always set it ten minutes ahead so I won't be late for things.
Carla: You were late this morning.
Woody: Yeah, I know. I couldn't find my watch.

Gary: Oh, by the way, I just wanted to let you know that we're open to any wagers. Oh, oh, that's right. You guys are too chicken to bet.
Woody: Hey, we're not chicken to bet. We bet you stomp all over us. If I were you Sam, I'd get a piece of this action.
Sam: He means do we want to bet on ourselves here, Woody.
Woody: [laughs] Are you kidding? With those two skyscrapers? Man, I thought I was the bumpkin here.

Dr. Walter Froenmeyer: I'm Dr. Walter Froenmeyer with the Celtics' medical staff.
Sam: Uh, yeah?
Dr. Walter Froenmeyer: I wanted to get your version of Mr. McHale's accident last night.
Sam: Oh, well, uh... No big deal. He fell down, we put him back up. Nothing serious.
Dr. Walter Froenmeyer: Does this look like nothing serious to you? [holds up an X-ray]
Woody: God! The skin's all gone.

Frasier: Hello, all.
Woody: Happy birthday, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Why, thank you, Woody. How did you know?
Woody: Well, you left your wallet here last night, so I was looking through it to find out whose it was. Are you really gonna donate your internal organs in case of accident? They take them before you die, you know. Yeah, my uncle was just in a fender bender. They chased him half way down the block.
Frasier: Well, thank you for sharing that with me on my, uh, special day.