Rebecca: Sam, he just told you he's sick.
Sam: [laughs] She fell for that! [mocking tone] High blood pressure. My wife's in the car waiting for me. [normal voice] Honey, don't you see what he's trying to do? He's getting me to lower my guard. Oh, this is good, this is good. All we got to figure out now is, is something that'll really spook him tonight.
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: Well, Sam, how about using the old bloody thumb? That's pretty scary.
Sam: Come on, man, forget the old bloody thumb. No chump would fall for that. [Sam screams as he opens the cash register and sees the thumb] Oh, gee!
Woody: Helps to have the right chump.

Woody: Hey, look, here's my wallet. I left this thing up here six months ago. See, I never even thought to look up there. All right, I can drive again!

Woody: Hey, Dr. Crane. Look what I got.
Frasier: That's quite a trophy, Woody. I didn't know you played golf.
Woody: I don't. There's a trophy shop down the street.
Frasier: You just bought this trophy? You don't even golf?
Woody: Why should l?
Frasier: Well, because the idea of a trophy is to show some sort of accomplishment. You should learn to golf. Go out, take a couple of lessons. Spend some hours mastering the finer points of the game.
Woody: And then?
Frasier: Well, then you get better and you can join a country club.
Woody: And then?
Frasier: Well, and then you can compete. Maybe enter some tournaments.
Woody: And then?
Frasier: And maybe some day, you'll be the best and you'll win, and then you'll get a...
Woody: A trophy, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Congratulations, Woody.

Matt: Oh, Sam, we'd like you to be a pallbearer.
Sam: Well, why me? I mean, Gary hated me.
Matt: It's a shame you never knew how much he thought of you, Sam. He thrived on your competition. You brought him life.
Woody: Then you took it away.

Woody: Look at you. I can't believe it.
Beth: I can't believe it either.
Woody: You know, in high school, we were voted the couple most likely to explode.

Norm: Hey, wow, Sammy!
Sam: Woody, Woody, Woody, jump up there and fix the TV. again, will you? [patrons complaining]
Norm: Whoa, whoa! Perfect, Perfect! Don't move!
Cliff: Oh, wait a second, Woody, uh, just a just a minor adjustment.
Sam: That's it!
Woody: Oh, I sure hope this game doesn't go into overtime.

Woody: Hey, that's Miss Chambers.
Sam: Oh, boy.
Woody: Why is she hopping around like that?
Frasier: Well, she's dancing, Woody.
Woody: Get out!

Frasier: Being laughed at is going to be the least of Diane's worries. If she ever reads this analysis, she's going to be shattered. Take a look at this thing.
Sam: Oh, boy. "Poor, poor, poor, terrible"
Woody: Ooh, how was her attendance?

Woody: [answers phone] Cheers. Oh, yeah, she is. Miss Howe, Mr. Drake.
Rebecca: Mr. Drake? I wonder what he's calling about. Woody, how did he sound? Happy, mad, pleasant, annoyed?
Woody: Well, he sounds kind of weird. Like an old woman with a lisp and a thick German accent.
Rebecca: Woody, that's his secretary.
Woody: Oh, well, then she sounded pretty happy.

Kelly: Look, I'm really sorry. When I get miffed, the adrenaline just goes crazy.
Woody: Kelly, I didn't tell you about the play because I thought you might be uncomfortable seeing me kiss and hug another woman.
Kelly: Come on, Woody. I've seen plays before. I can't believe you didn't trust me enough to understand.
Woody: I didn't want to take the chance of something coming in-between us. You're my girlfriend. I love you, Kelly.
Emily: Why can't you say it to me like that?
Woody: Well, I don't love you; I love Kelly.
Emily: Can't you pretend I'm Kelly?
Woody: Would that be OK, Kelly?
Kelly: Well, all right. But just for the play.