Rebecca: Woody, the comptroller found out that you have been working at Cheers for four years and you have never taken one vacation.
Woody: That's true. I have a perfect attendance record.
Rebecca: Well, you have to take one now. It's company policy.
Woody: Well, I don't like vacations. I like working here. I like the people. Why should I leave? What's the point?
Rebecca: [shouts] The point is a happy workplace! The point is dealing with stress. Look at you, Woody. Can't you see that you're on the verge of an emotional burnout?
Woody: Gee, I am beginning to feel a little on edge.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, Woody.

Pete: Gee, Woody, where you going?
Woody: [downbeat] I'm going to Venice, and then Florence, and then I've got to see the Seven Hills of something or other I don't know.
Rebecca: Woody, you're going to love Italy. I'll never forget my first trip. Bunking in youth hostels, thumbing rides, this wild fling with this crazy Italian boy who never told me his name. And then one night, getting ahold of some cheap wine and getting really plastered and ripping off all my clothes... Changing for choir practice. I was with my church group.
Sam: Seems like you used to be a lot more fun. Yeah. When did you lose this childlike love of life? And why couldn't I have known you back when you were cheap and slutty?

Sam: Look what I found in this dirty old glass.
Rebecca: Oh! Oh! Oh! You are such an angel! Oh, how can I ever thank you?
Sam: I think the how has already been established. We're up to where and how often.
Rebecca: Well... a promise is a promise.
Sam: Come on. I hate that. I hate it when you do that. Come on. What- What's wrong with you? Why- Why don't you want me? What's the problem?
Rebecca: You know, Sam, I really... I just don't know why I don't want you.
Sam: Well, think, damn it!
Rebecca: I think it's just one of those things that, when you first meet a guy, you put him in one of three categories: yes, no or maybe. And the second I saw you, I threw you right in that "no" category, and that's where you've stayed ever since. I mean, when Sam Malone walks into a room, I say "no" and go on with my life.
Sam: Every single time?
Rebecca: No. There was this one time, when you were way down at the end of the hall, and I could just see this tiny little piece of your elbow, and I didn't know for sure if it was you. And I thought to myself, hmm. And then you came around the corner, and I thought, "God, no!"
Sam: "God, no" is a lot worse than just no, isn't it?

Rebecca: I have just about had it up to here with this corporation.
Carla: Hey, everybody, here comes the broken record.
Rebecca: I get invited to my first power lunch meeting and nobody even notices me. As usual, I am just ignored. But I finally figured out why. I am just too darned attractive.
Sam: Guys really hate that.
Rebecca: You know, the problem is that everybody just sees me as a sex kitten. I hate that. I think I need to find a new role model. If only I knew one successful career woman with an image that invites no sexual appeal whatsoever.
Lilith: Another decaffeinated ice coffee, black as you can make it.

Sam: I'm sorry, Woody, but you're wrong. Rebecca won.
Woody: What?
Rebecca: Well, I hope you learn from my example. I'm going to show you how a really gracious winner behaves. Read 'em and weep, farm boy! Whoo!
Detective McGuiness: Excuse me, miss?
Rebecca: Yes, sir?
Detective McGuiness: I'm Detective McGuiness, Boston Police Department. I'm off duty here, but, uh, for your sake, I really hope there isn't any gambling going on here.
Rebecca: Gambling? No, sir. I earned this money. I'm a prostitute. That isn't better, is it? Um, no, this is just a little joke. We play a little game here, but we never play for keepsies. See, I take the money in, and I give the money back like this. [whispers] Give this back to me later.

Rebecca: Why you filthy... Okay, fine, fine. There is a chambermaid in the room. Explain it.
Mrs. Crandell: A chambermaid in a hotel? Will wonders never cease.
Sam: You know, actually, we're going to be running along here.
Rebecca: No, we're not going to be running along. All right. How about the fiddler, huh?
Dr. Crandell: I was lonely. I was going to have him play our song all night.
Rebecca: All right, all right. So have your loving husband explain why the four of us were in that closet.
Mrs. Crandell: You were there. You mean you don't know?
Rebecca: Yes, I know. Because you are the scariest bitch we would ever want to meet.
Mrs. Crandell: And you are a little tramp.
Rebecca: Tramp? Why, I ought to put you... I'm going to kill your husband! I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill you! He's stupid, he's a fraud! He's a psycho! He's a...! I'm going to hunt you down and kill you like a dog! And why don't you get yourself some new socks, buster?!
Sam: Um... Uh, I can explain everything here. She just wanted to convince me that she's not crazy.

Sam: [whispers] Rebecca. Mmm. Rebecca, this is your recurring dream. How does it start again?
Rebecca: [grabs Sam's neck] What are you doing in here?
Sam: I'm not here. I'm in your dream. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep.
Rebecca: You know. You know. How do you know about my dream?
Sam: What dream?
Rebecca: Oh, man, I hate you. I hate you! You didn't tell your stupid friends about this, did you?
Sam: Oh, please, give me some credit, will you?
Rebecca: You told them! I hate you for knowing. I hate you for telling your friends. I hate you for being in my dreams! I hate my dreams! I hate myself for dreaming my dreams.
Sam: Hey, then smack yourself for a while!

Rebecca: Oh, well, enough of this assassination folderol. Do you want to hear something really exciting? Robin took me to the harbor today to see his new sailboat, and as coincidence would have it, it is called... The Rebecca.
Woody: You named your boat after Miss Howe?
Robin: No, I christened her long before I met Miss Howe. In fact, I named her for the biblical Rebecca.
Rebecca: But that's not all. I had an aunt who was named after the biblical Rebecca, and I'm named after her. And that isn't the end of it. She was big as a boat and old as the Bible.

Rebecca: [answers phone] Hello. Who? Oh, Sam. Yeah, hold on just one second. It's the guy with the book. What shall I do?
Sam: Talk to him. You know, pretend like it's someone who would go out with me.
Rebecca: OK, I'll try. [on the phone] Hello? Hell... Oh, yes, I'm back. Silly me. I was just talking into the wrong end of the receiver. Uh... Oh, yes, I'm wearing a miniskirt and my French-cut panties. I'm just not a real good skater. Listen, maybe you could meet me someplace else. Have you ever heard of a bar called Cheers? Uh-huh. Good. Well, then why don't you come over here right now, and please hurry! It's... It's hot, and I don't know how much longer I can keep my clothes on. [hangs up]
Sam: That was really good. You kind of turned me on.
Rebecca: A dial tone turns you on.

Sam: Can I help you?
Bill Medley: Yeah, Rebecca Howe?
Rebecca: Me.
Bill Medley: Rebecca, this is from Robin Colcord. [sings] You never close your eyes anymore...
Rebecca: [drops to her knees] Oh, my gosh! It's Bill Medley from the Righteous Brothers. I mean, I knew Robin knew him. And I hoped that one day I would meet him. But I never knew he'd fly him all the way to Boston to sing this song to me. It's Bill Medley. Bill Medley!
Bill Medley: Excuse me. Excuse me. Would you knock it off? Somebody in the bar might want to hear this. [sings] You've lost that lovin' feelin'...