Dick: Wow, this is the ugliest lingerie I've ever seen. But buckles.
Harry: Mmm.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, that? No. That's just a costume I wore in a Thanksgiving play I did in junior high. I was a pilgrim, and every time I wore it, I put everybody in the Thanksgiving mood.

Harry: So, what brings you to Rutherford?
Mrs. Dubcek: She's back for her high school reunion.
Vicki Dubcek: Thanks for killing the surprise, mama.
Mrs. Dubcek: Ever since they canceled Ryan's Hope, she's been real moody.

Vicki Dubcek: Harry, know what? I believe that I was put on this earth to help people. And one day eventually I'd like to become a saint. Harry, could you pull my pans down? They're right over there. [Harry gets up and gets two pans] Thank you. Isn't it nice that we get a chance to visit? Oh. I need some sugar.
Harry: Baby, I'll give you some sugar. It's right over here.
Vicki Dubcek: You know, we get a chance to talk about each other's dreams and our interests without the distraction of sex. Ugh. Somebody told me that was a good thing.
Harry: Yeah. Like to kill that person.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, Harry, you know what? In my massage class, I've been learning all about crystals.
Harry: Crystals?
Vicki Dubcek: Yeah. Look at this. Now, see, these 2 things are called trouble stones. Take them. And you put them right on the part of your body that feels tense.
Harry: Ironic that they're blue.

Vicki Dubcek: [massaging Dick] Hey, that feels good, doesn't it?
Dick: Actually, that kinda hurts. Now that really hurts.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, it hurts so good, doesn't it, baby?
Harry: Hurts like hell.
Vicki Dubcek: You want more?
Harry: Yeah.
Dick: Ow!
Vicki Dubcek: More?
Harry: Yes.
Dick: Ow!
Vicki Dubcek: More?
Harry: Yes.
Dick: Get off me!
Vicki Dubcek: I'm so tired of cleansing myself. Now I want to get dirty. [she and Harry kiss]

Harry: Oh, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Wow. Everybody looks so nice. I feel like I'm at the track.

Vicki: Oh, man! Isn't this great?! My boyfriend is the king of the freaks, man! Oh, yeah, baby, I'm watchin' you! You're lookin' good up there! You're lookin' good!

Harry: Well, if it isn't the poor relations. I knew you'd come around as soon as you found out I was a star. Oh, hello, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Harry, I've always longed for a life in show business. The big crowds, the bright lights. And you know what's funny? I don't even mind the stench of manure.

Vicki Dubcek: Harry!
Harry: Vicki! You're back.
Vicki Dubcek: I was gonna sneak up to your bed and surprise you.
Harry: By changing my sheets?
Vicki Dubcek: Maybe afterwards.
Harry: Well, I'd invite you up, but I got plumbin' problems.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, really? Well, why don't you come right in here and let me help you fix 'em?

Vicki Dubcek: See, you got your blackjack table right there, that's the wheel of fortune. Over there, that's the baccarat. See them tables over there? They're for craps. [Sally looks disgusted]

Alissa: They're back already? Let's see who's at the door. [looks through the peep hole] Oh, my God! It's a couple of scary weirdos.
Tommy: Yeah. That's my uncle and his girlfriend. [opens door]
Vicki Dubcek: Hello. We understand there's a baby on the premises. And there he is! Oh! Oh! Woojie, woojie, woojie, woojie! Cute thing. Take him.
Harry: What?
Vicki Dubcek: You'll like him. You'll see.
Harry: Are you sure?
Vicki Dubcek: You'll like it. [to Alissa] Ah, hiya, hon. So... you two kids thinking of having kids?