Dr. Howard: Hi, I'm Dr. Howard. I understand you've been trying to get pregnant.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, boy, we sure have. For a whole month.
Harry: It's been the greatest month of my life.
Dr. Howard: Well, a month, that's a little early to panic.
Vicki Dubcek: But it's not like we're doing anything else.

Dr. Howard: Now, what I'd like to do now is take an aggressive approach by running an extensive battery of tests on you, Harry. Does that sound good?
Harry: Well, it doesn't sound great.
Dr. Howard: You just relax. Drink this solution, and I'll be back in a minute for the x-ray.
Vicki Dubcek: Look at that. It's just Kool-aid.
Dr. Howard: Kool-aid with radioactive tracers.

Vicki Dubcek: Oh, does everybody feel what I feel? This place is just a whirling vortex of- of spirituality and truth. Dr. Albright can you see my aura?
Mary: No, but your bra strap is showing.
Harry: Come on, Vicki. Let's go get a personality manicure.

Vicki Dubcek: Well... I was with Stone.
Harry: [gasps] You were with Stone? [Tommy covers Harry's mouth]
Sally: Uh, what happened with Stone?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, it just doesn't make any sense. I mean, all I remember is I'm lookin' down on the earth from way high up, and there were these pulsating lights and this... this noise, this skee-bee-dee-beep-beep. Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep. Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep. Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep. And... Stone was there, and that was nice. But the next thing I knew, I woke up in my own bed, and I don't have a clue how I got there. Do you think I might be goin' crazy?
Sally: Yes. Yes, you are going crazy.
Tommy: That is a shame.
Dick: Yeah. My advice is forget about it, don't tell anyone, and pretend you're well.
Sally: Yeah.
Vicki Dubcek: Um, do y'all have any deviled eggs, the kind with the relish in 'em? I've got this massive craving.

Harry: It's gonna be okay, honey.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, God, Harry, I can feel it! I can feel it coming!
Nurse: Just relax. Breathe deeply. You're doing great. I can see the head. Boy, is that a big head! [all scream]

Vicki Dubcek: [on the phone while smoking] Yeah, that's right. Last name Dubcek. First name Victoria. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, no, the baby's right here. [wafts away cigarette smoke] [Harry enters] Yeah, his name is Eric Travis. Yeah. All right, well, when he gets back from lunch, just tell him that I was implanted by alien seed. [Harry gasps] Yeah. And I am now the mother of a hybrid alien race. Thanks a lot, hon. Bye-bye. [hangs-up]
Harry: Wrong number?
Vicki Dubcek: No, Harry, I was trying to talk to a reporter.
Harry: Oh, really?
Vicki Dubcek: Mmm-hmm. I think he's gonna be mighty interested in my tale of alien conception.
Harry: Oh, ho. Alien conception. [laughs] I'm goin' to the store. You need anything?
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, baby, I would love another carton of cigarettes.
Harry: Sure. Smokin' for two now.

Sally: Look, Vicki, it's just- It's not a really good- [sees Vicki breast feeding] Ah! That's how they work.
Vicki Dubcek: Yeah, you know, breast feeding is the most beautiful, natural thing a woman can do. I guess you wouldn't know that, would you? You bein' childless.
Sally: I had the opportunity. I just chose to put my career first, okay? Look, Vicki, this is just not a good time for us to have house guests.
Vicki Dubcek: Honey, I'm not gonna be here that long. I've gotta hang around long enough to talk to this reporter associate of mine, then I'll probably do the talk show circuit... Just me and Eric Travis my little E.T.

Tommy: Guys, Vicki's here. She's talking to the reporter.
Ken Fretts: This is it? This is the alien baby?
Vicki Dubcek: Yeah.
Ken Fretts: You didn't even give him any little pointy ears? Paint him green, slap a tail on him?
Vicki Dubcek: I don't understand what you're talking-
Ken Fretts: Do you even read our newspaper?
Vicki Dubcek: I- I most certainly do! And my story is-
Ken Fretts: Oh, I know your story. You met a guy. You were beamed up. You got probed. Oh, and don't tell me. There was alcohol involved.
Vicki Dubcek: All right. Who told him my story?
Ken Fretts: [scoffs] Everybody in the world's told me that story. Listen, your baby's not special.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh. I see. I think that you're gonna be singing a different tune when he becomes your supreme overlord. Oh, yes.

Harry: Oh, Vicki, I wish you didn't have to leave.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, Harry I cannot stay in this place. I must leave here. You see, my star child and I are drawn to a place of comfort and spiritual balance a place where we can live out our celestial destiny.
Harry: And where's that, Vicki?
Vicki Dubcek: Orlando. [they kiss]
Harry: I will miss you.
Vicki Dubcek: Harry, I'm gonna miss you, too. But I'll be back. I promise. [walks away]
Harry: Vicki?
Vicki Dubcek: [returns] Yes, Harry?
Harry: You forgot your baby.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, boy. [laughs] Sure did.

Sally: Oh, my god, Vicki?
Tommy: Wow, look at you. Why are you so cleaned up?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, to tell you the truth, I hit rock bottom. I was drinking. Oh, yeah. And I was freer with my body than a medical school cadaver. But then along came little Eric Travis.
All: Oh!
Sally: He's so little.
Dick: Motherhood certainly seems to have transformed you, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, boy, I'll say. You know, I was so out of it, I actually thought I was impregnated by an alien. I mean, come on!
All: Come on!