Dick: Vicki, you remember my true love, Dr. Mary Albright?
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, yes.
Mary: Nice to see you again, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, yes, ma'am, it's nice to see you, too. Doctor. [chuckles] You know, I have this little pain in my lower back-
Mary: Oh, Vicki, I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a doctor of anthropology.
Vicki Dubcek: What is that? Is that, like, the rear?

Dick: So, what has this flagrant display of insensitivity taught you, Mary?
Mary: That you don't have a monopoly on idiotic behavior.
Dick: Exactly.
Mary: So, Dick, can you forgive and forget?
Dick: Oh, I forgive. But I don't forget. And I don't forgive.

Tommy: Where did you find those?
Dick: In your sock drawer.
Sally: How could you? After all we've done for you.
Tommy: Okay. It's not what you think.
Dick: It's exactly what I think. It's oregano and fresh rosemary.
Sally: I can't believe it. You can cook!
Harry: You punk!
Tommy: No! No, I can't cook. I swear!
Dick: Then how do you explain this?
Tommy: This, uh... it's marijuana.
Dick: This whole time we've been eating her slop, and you're a damn gourmet!
Tommy: No! No, it's pot. I swear. I- I smoke it with my friends. I- I love to toke up on the fat daddies... dude.

Sally: Oh, I blame myself. How could I have missed all the signs? I mean, just last month I was doing laundry, and I found a measuring spoon in his pants.
Dick: I was as blind as you, Sally. At the mall he said he was going to the comic book store, but I saw him come out of the Williams-Sonoma.
Sally: Oh!
Harry: Oh, Tommy. It's confectioners' sugar! Confectioners' sugar?!
Dick: So you've been baking, too!
Sally: Oh, God.
Dick: Look what your selfishness has done to Sally. Get out of my sight! Oh, but first, make me a spinach and fennel frittata.

Harry: Well, that breakfast was great. You know, I've never had a spinach frittata. [voice quavers] Incoming message from the Big Giant Head.
Sally: Oh, my God. Dick, get in here!
Dick: What is it?
Harry: Our records indicate that your status report is 22 days late. Please submit your finished report to the Big Giant Head's personal assistant, Big Giant Jenny.
Sally: I hate that bitch.
Harry: Transmission ending in 3, 2, 1. [sneezes] Oh, what's going on?
Tommy: Dick didn't finish the status report.
Harry: You didn't?!

Sally: So, you mean to tell me you really didn't know what you were doing the first time?
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, please. I didn't know what I was doing. He didn't know what he was doing. The bus kept making all those stops.
Sally: Yeah, but you figured it out. Obviously.
Vicki Dubcek: Yeah, it was awkward at first. But, you know, once we got that seat to ourselves. It got better.

Harry: Now where were we?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, let's see... I am Dr. Monica van Kleef, chief of neurosurgery at General Hospital, and you have a very serious condition that could relapse at any moment.
Harry: Yes, I'm not feeling... [voice quavers] very stable! Incoming message from the Big Giant Head.
Vicki Dubcek: Patient exhibiting dangerous erotic symptoms.
Sally: Your status report is now 23 days late.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, yeah, baby. I've been a naughty girl!
Harry: Penalties for lack of compliance will be swift and severe.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, you make me pay that penalty, Harry! Oh! Yeah! Oh, yeah! Big Giant! Big Giant!

Dick: May 20, 1996, 7:00 p.m., we arrive together at the restaurant, and what happens?
Mary: We sit down. I order teriyaki shrimp, you order water. Dinner is lovely. We make out. I take you home and make the biggest mistake of my life!
Dick: What?
Mary: Falling for you!
Dick: Oh!
Mary: Since that day, I have gotten very good at forgiving. You embarrass me in front of my colleagues, I forgive you. You kill my fish, I forgive you! You paint flames on my car, I forgive you. You mock my work, you insult my parents, you destroy our engagement, and still I forgive you.
Dick: You forgave me for all that?
Mary: Why do you think I'm here?!
Dick: Because you're crazy in love with me?
Mary: Well, I'm crazy.
Dick: In love with me? Oh, Mary. I forgive you.

Vicki Dubcek: Harry's gone! Harry's gone! Harry's gone!
Sally: We know! Shut up!
Vicki Dubcek: My Big Giant Head is gone.
Tommy: Huh? What?
Dick: Why did you say that?
Vicki Dubcek: That was one of our little bedroom characters. Incoming message, baby.

Tommy: Well?
Dick: Tommy, you have reinvented the sandwich.
Tommy: Uh, actually, it's a panini.
Harry: Tommy, you have reinvented the panini sandwich.
Tommy: No, no, no. Panini is Italian for sandwich.
Dick: Tommy, you have invented the Italian panini sandwich.