Phyllis: It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. He never bothered to send them.
Michael Scott: All right, those might be his. He might own an eBay store.
Jim: Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. And then I remembered having a conversation with him where he was like, "I don't own an eBay store," so...
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. You know what? This is disgusting. This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair Witch Hunt project.

Michael Scott: Oh, oh, oh! Contraption! She's contrapting! Okay, you know what? I think I should drive you guys to the hospital, and here is why. I am a licensed, classy driver in the state of Pennsylvania.
Jim: Michael.
Michael Scott: I gassed up the car. Actually, I put diesel in this time, trying to save some money.
Jim: Michael, you shouldn't have done that.
Michael Scott: Happy to do it.

David: Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael.
Michael Scott: You know, David? I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family. He is like a son to me.
David: Do you realize what you're asking for here? You're talking about salary plus health benefits.
Michael Scott: And dental this time.
David: Insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand. You're talking about a multi-million dollar buyout.
Michael Scott: These are our demands.
David: Your company cannot be worth that much.
Michael Scott: Our company is worth nothing. That's the difference between you and I. Business isn't about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names.
David: Michael!
Michael Scott: That's one of 'em, yes! These are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court.
David: Okay. Deal.

Phyllis: What should we ask?
Michael Scott: Hey, can I play? Why don't you ask if Darryl is a bad friend who backstabs people in the back?
Jim: We have one question to ask the spirit world and you want us to ask that?

Michael Scott: We'll see what Dwight says.
Pam: Why do we have to see what Dwight says?
Michael Scott: Because I have him investigating her. I'm waiting for a text update.
Jim: Michael, no.
Pam: No, no, no, no. Undo that. Undo that.
Michael Scott: It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.

Michael Scott: There he is! There's the traitor. Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! The- The progidal- My son returns!

Michael Scott: I need you to do something for me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, anything.
Michael Scott: I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh, find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll talk to my buddy down at the station, stat.

Phyllis: Ho ho ho! For Stanley! Ho ho ho! You've been very good this year -
Stanley: I have.
Michael Scott: [on microphone] Yeah, except for cheating on your wife. Adultery's a sin, look it up in the Bible people. What'd you get?
Kevin: He got scented candles!
Michael Scott: [on microphone] Oh, that's appropriate. Lot of fire where you're going. Better get used to it. You're going to H-E-L-L double hockey sticks. You're going to Hell, Stanley.

Michael Scott: You say, "no more parties," and then you spend money on lunch. I think it's a little "hypercritical".
Charles: I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning.

Michael Scott: Jim? I am downloading some n3p music-
Jim: That's not it.
Michael Scott: Yeah. For a CD mix tape for Holly.
Jim: Close.
Michael Scott: And I'm looking for perfect songs that work on two levels.
Jim: What are the two levels?
Michael Scott: The two levels being welcome to Scranton and I love you.
Jim: Okay, let's start with the "I love you" level.
Michael Scott: Hey, what's the group that was from Scranton that made it big? Was that U2?
Jim: Yes.