Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Michael Scott calling for David. Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.

Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm them.
Receptionist: [answering phone] David Wallace's office.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today?
Receptionist: I'm good, thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: How's it hanging?
Receptionist: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. Listen. My name is Michael Scotch. And I just wanted to say that I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in five seconds-
Michael Scott: What are you doing? God! Oh, my God!