Adam: Mikey, Sirota, you both learned a ton of stage combat when you played Tybalt and Mercutio in "Romeo and Juliet," right?
Mikey: Yeah.
Dave Sirota: True.
Adam: And, Dan, your malnourished body has less surface area to poke and stab.
Dan: My pediatrician is concerned.
Adam: Dave Kim, your turtleneck protects your neck and extremities in a way no one can penetrate!
Dave Kim: That's neither true nor a skill, but your confidence has me amped!

Beverly: You know, at first, the rejection letters were devastating, but then I remembered that Julia didn't become famous 'til she was 50 and had her own cooking show! Huh? That's where you come in.
Adam: Or go out as fast as I can 'cause what you just said is horrifying.
Beverly: But this is so up your alley, Adam. You're always running around with a video camera.
Adam: Me? Nah, that's like the opposite of what I do.
Beverly: You got a camera in your hand right now.
Adam: Good eye! Good eye. Thing is, I was just about to put this in the garage 'cause making childish movies just doesn't appeal to me anymore.
Pops: Let's start filming, kiddo. This karate tortoise outfit is already making me schvitz.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Ah, the computers of the '80s. Cutting-edge machines with badass games like Oregon Trail and Castle Wolfenstein. The graphics were state-of-the-art and mind-blowing. I got so obsessed with computer games, I even turned to the black market.
Adam: Psst, Atkins. Word in the halls is you got the hookup.
Johnny Atkins: Damn straight. I got bootleg copies of Congo Bongo, Zork, and the holy grail of video games.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And there it was, the one computer game that every teenage dude in the '80s dreamed of playing.
Adam: Leisure Suit Larry. The most coveted floppy known to boykind.
Johnny Atkins: This game's got booze, babes, and bawdy bedroom situations.
Adam: I'm tantalized but terrified.
Johnny Atkins: You should be. We could go to jail in all 54 states just for playing it. And it's yours for 500 bucks.
Adam: I've got five bucks and a gently used Ring Pop.
Johnny Atkins: Deal.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so I spent the next 28 hours guiding Leisure Suit Larry to the promised land.
Adam: This is it! Larry's finally gonna get lucky.
Dave Kim: When we started this game, we were mere boys. But we're about to become men! - (MOUSE CLICKS) Adam: ["The Stars and Stripes Forever" plays] Fireworks? Where's the naughty stuff? I traded a used Ring Pop for this.
Dave Kim: I'm back to being a boy again! Which, honestly, is fine. I wasn't ready.
Adam: Anyone here wondering where in the world Carmen Sandiego is?

Mr. Goulding: [flatly] Now we hit the "enter" key and enjoy what the last hour of programming has brought us. And... Wow. I know, it's truly exciting. Now it's your turn. Your final project will be designing your own computer game.
Dave Kim: Did he just say something interesting?
Adam: I can't tell 'cause his voice sounds like a robot designed to put other robots to sleep.

Erica: Turn it down, dork. I'm writing music in my head with my eyes closed, and you're distracting me.
Adam: Oh I like it. That's good.
Erica: Hey, did you just type in what I said?
Adam: Nope! You have nothing to do with this game whatsoever.
Erica: Really? Then what's that?
Adam: Just a random sweat-pants-wearing couch potato named Eric who thinks he's gonna be a rock star.
Erica: Huh, what a dipwad.

Adam: Your demands are insane! The whole point is to make a game about me and my actual family!
Barry: Oh, really? So this is you in real life, a hunky hero with six-pack abs? My final demand! You must re-nerdify computer Adam in the spirit of honesty.
Adam: Look, even if I want to make these incredibly stupid changes, my creative team will never approve it!
[cut to:]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And yet, they jumped at the opportunity.
Adam: Aw, man, are you kidding me? You actually listened to this butt clown?
Dave Kim: Barry's creative direction of the main character just made sense.
Adam: You monster! How dare you force me to face the reality of what I am!

Geoff: Babe, I just beat level five by convincing Eric to actually take a shower, get dressed, and interview for a real job instead of wanting to be a rock star.
Erica: Not now, babe. I'm busy yelling at Adam for not putting me in his game.
Geoff: What do you mean? Clearly, you're Eric.
Erica: No, he's a guy. And a lazy, couch-surfing, wannabe rock star... [gasps] You bastard!
Adam: No, no, no. You are not in any way Erica. I give you my word, Eric!
Geoff: You just called Erica "Eric," as if they're the same person.
Adam: Damn it, Geoff! I know I did!

Adam: Okay, I just programmed a new level in The Goldberg Game.
Mr. Goulding: Your grade is a C-plus, Mr. Goldberg. I found the characters to be unlikable cartoonish stereotypes.
Adam: But it's a good game! So good, in fact, that I know there can be, like, t-shirts and action figures and spin-offs. This could be bigger than Star Wars!
Mr. Goulding: Star what?
Adam: How do you not know Star Wars? It's the greatest film franchise ever made.
Mr. Goulding: Well, that's your opinion.
Adam: Rent Return of the Jedi see for yourself.
Mr. Goulding: I only see movies in the theater.
Adam: Fine, I'll take you to see the Star Wars prequel George Lucas has been talking about.
Mr. Goulding: Is it out now?
Adam: No. But he's been promising to make it forever, so it'll be any day now.
Mr. Goulding: If I change your grade to a B-minus, will you go away?
Adam: Good day, sir.

Adam: It's a mockumentary about a fictional band. It's one of my favorite comedies of all time. Look, here's a sketch from TV. You've got Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins, Derek Smalls. They're such British morons that their amps go to 11 and they can never find their way to stage.
Pops: Wait. Y- You want to make fun of Erica? But your whole movie's supposed to be about her rocket ride to fame.
Adam: Does it really matter whose rocket ride to fame it is, as long as someone gets on the rocket? Mainly me?
Pops: You're very passionate, so I'll just say, "Go get 'em!"
Adam: Pops is on board! Thanks for always being there for me!
Pops: I really don't need to come over so much.