Jazz: Man, I'm starving. When do we eat here?
Philip: We eat here later. You eat here never.
Jazz: Looks like you eat here often.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house]

Philip: Well, Jazz, I'm going to go into the kitchen for a snack. When I come back, I want you gone.
Jazz: Guess I got plenty of time then.

Will: Hey, man, it's good to see you, man.
Jazz: By the way, who's playing the mother this year?
Nicky: It's the same mom.
Jazz: Who are you?
Will: Oh, come on, Jazz, that's baby Nicky.
Jazz: Man, I'm going back on the street where things make sense.

Philip: You can put your hands down, Jazz.
Jazz: No way. Dude's got a gun, next thing you know I got six warning shots in my back.
Philip: Jazz.
Jazz: Okay. I am putting my hands down now.
Philip: Jazz, could you give us your account?
Jazz: Can't. They closed my account. They said I was allegedly writing bad checks. I don't know what they talking about. Those checks was perfectly legible.

Philip: Until I see some insurance papers, you're not driving this car. In fact, what kind of idiot would sell a car without insurance?
Jazz: I resent that. Ah, the joke's on you, Mr. Banks. You can't throw me out 'cause I'm already outside.
[Uncle Phil lifts Jazz out of the car, carries him over his shoulder, and throws him into the house]

Eric: Why, hello, everyone. Nice day, isn't it?
Will: I don't have to answer that.
Eric: Mr. Banks, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Philip: Son, I'm not the one who's going to need luck. I'm not only going to win. I'm going to chew you up and spit you out.
Jazz: I've seen him do a lot of chewing... but I ain't never seen him spit nothing out.

Vivian: So, who's gonna be your partner?
Will: Oh, Kellogg Leiberbaum. He's the smartest dude in school. He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00. That is, if Uncle Phil don't try to fix it.
Philip: Well, that's it. The next person that mentions the phone gets a boot in their behind.
Jazz: Mr. Banks, your phone is broken.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house. Later, Jazz dusts himself off as he returns to the living room]
Jazz: It occurs to me, this family's got a lot to learn about hospitality.

Jazz: We better get out of here, my brother. Any minute now that minister's going to realize his house ain't on fire.
Will: I don't believe this, Jazz, man, together we are invincible.
Jazz: Granted, my brother, we're good, but people can still see us.

Jazz: Man, I remember my first time. It was everything a young man could dream of. And it only cost me 35 bucks. But, of course, things were cheaper then.
Will: That's very touching, Jazz.

Will: Why the hell didn't that work?
Jazz: You got the theory right. You just ain't got the technique. Take notes. Hilary!
Hilary: What?
Jazz: Hilary, your behavior at the club last night was completely unacceptable. Now, where I come from, manners count for a lot. Now, I'm sorry to have to say this, but I simply can't sit here and allow this rudeness to continue. Do I make myself clear?
Hilary: Jazz, come here.
[After Jazz follows Hilary out of the living room, she throws Jazz out of the house]