Jazz: Oh, come on. I don't want our cozy abode turned into a strip mall. I lived in a strip mall, Mr. Banks. And I'm sure I don't need to tell you how hard it is to take a bath in the men's room sink.
Philip: Bailiff!

Philip: Will, I've got a surprise for your bachelor party. I booked the penthouse suite at the LaPeer Hotel.
Will: Really? Oh, man, I could just kiss you. [laughs]
Jazz: I could just kiss you too. [off Uncle Phil's look] But perhaps my time would be better spent learning a talent.

Jazz: Ssh. Listen. I know that sound anywhere.
Will: What sound?
Jazz: A Wonderbra hitting the floor.
Will: Let me out! Let me out!
Carlton: This is all your fault, you finger-licking ragamuffin.
Jazz: Who are you calling muffin, Little Debbie?

Jazz: Well, I gotta run. Hortense took the car in the settlement. [grabs Lisa's hairs] At least she ain't got no weave.

Geoffrey: Master Carlton, your guest has arrived.
Will: Hey, look here, Thumbelina-
Jazz: Pay no attention to my unemployed friend here. You really ought to bring Maurice past the club tonight.
Carlton: I'm sure he wouldn't be interested. Besides, I have the pleasure of escorting his sister around town tonight.
Will: Oh, two of y'all can fit on a Big Wheel?
Carlton: You were funnier with your beak on.
Jazz: That's it. Beak on. "Come get your beak on at-"
Will: Shut up.

Jazz: I brought a gift for baby Dicky.
Vivian: Nicky.
Jazz: Yeah.
Vivian: Thank you.
Jazz: Whatever. I know it's five months late, but I wanted to find just the right thing.
Vivian: This is very sweet of you, Jazz. Thank you.
Jazz: You know, Ms. Banks, since you had that baby there's something different about you.