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‘Cased Up’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Cased Up

209. Cased Up

Aired November 11, 1991

After Will buys a car and drives it without insurance, Uncle Phil ends up in court.

Quote from Jazz

Philip: You can put your hands down, Jazz.
Jazz: No way. Dude's got a gun, next thing you know I got six warning shots in my back.
Philip: Jazz.
Jazz: Okay. I am putting my hands down now.
Philip: Jazz, could you give us your account?
Jazz: Can't. They closed my account. They said I was allegedly writing bad checks. I don't know what they talking about. Those checks was perfectly legible.

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Quote from Jazz

Philip: Until I see some insurance papers, you're not driving this car. In fact, what kind of idiot would sell a car without insurance?
Jazz: I resent that. Ah, the joke's on you, Mr. Banks. You can't throw me out 'cause I'm already outside.
[Uncle Phil lifts Jazz out of the car, carries him over his shoulder, and throws him into the house]

Quote from Jazz

Eric: Why, hello, everyone. Nice day, isn't it?
Will: I don't have to answer that.
Eric: Mr. Banks, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Philip: Son, I'm not the one who's going to need luck. I'm not only going to win. I'm going to chew you up and spit you out.
Jazz: I've seen him do a lot of chewing... but I ain't never seen him spit nothing out.

Quote from Will

Philip: Mr. Smith, could you tell us in your own words what happened?
Will: Yes. Peep this, your J-ship. Me and Jazz were about to cruise down to the mall in the honey wagon, you know, so we can pack it up with some honeys. So, I popped a little Peabo in the Pioneer, checked my pocket for my Binaca. Hey, 'cause, you know, fresh breath can make the difference between getting a honey's number and getting flipped the bird.
Judge Wilson: Honey flipped me the bird at a bus stop this morning. That's the most action I've had in six months. You were saying something, Mr. Smith?
Will: Yes, so, I checked my rear-view mirror and no sooner did I accelerate than out of nowhere the plaintiff, this seer-sucking Brooks Brother over here, came barreling out of nowhere -and bashed right into me.
Judge Wilson: Anything else, Mr. Smith?
Will: Yeah, keep hope alive. You are somebody.
Judge Wilson: Thank you.

Quote from Jazz

[After Uncle Phil and Will enter the courtroom, Jazz walks in with a neck brace]
Will: Jazz, man, what are you trying to pull?
Jazz: $10,000 a year for life.
Will: You know what, I don't think it's quite tight enough.
Jazz: Okay, okay. But you can't blame me for my entrepreneurial spirit.

Quote from Will

Philip: [o.s.] Honey, I'll be back in a minute. I'm gonna go get a snack.
Will: Quick, Jazz, hide, man.
Jazz: Man, I thought you said your uncle was asleep.
Will: He was. He must have had that reoccurring nightmare where he misses a meal.

Quote from Jazz

[As Jazz tries to sneak around behind Uncle Phil's back:]
Philip: What is that smell?
Will: Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Phil, I thought I was alone.
Philip: No, no, I don't mean that.
Philip: It smells like cheap cologne and fried chicken.
Jazz: I resent that. [Uncle Phil turns around] Oops.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house at night]

Quote from Will

Vivian: Will, where did you get this car?
Will: l bought it, Aunt Viv. With the money from my allowance and my part-time job at the restaurant.
Philip: But did you get insurance?
Will: Umm... Hey, check this out, Uncle Phil. I got this fly stereo system.
Philip: Did you get insurance?
Will: Umm... All this stuff I got in the car I got from Jazz's connection at the Pep Boys. His mom used to date them.
Vivian: But did you get insurance?
Will: Uh, no, but I got this real fly Malcolm X air-freshener.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Man, Jazz, I can't believe this. The malls are closing in 15 minutes. The bus stop's gonna be packed with honeys. And the Rapmobile is on ice. How Uncle Phil gonna play me?
Jazz: Hilary's an ignorant somebody. She ain't even call me to tell me she quit me. I deserve that much. I'm a man.
Will: That's what I'm saying. I'm a man, too. But Uncle Phil's an extremely bigger man.
Jazz: Two can play at that game. I got an idea. The malls are closing. Let's cruise down there in your new ride and pick up some honeys.
Will: Hold up. Hold up. [Geoffrey walks into the room] Are you telling me that I should disobey my Uncle and do something that he specifically told me not to do? It won't be the first time. Posse out. [they exit]
Geoffrey: A wise butler sees nothing, hears nothing and takes detailed notes for his book. [crashing sounds] Ah, another chapter.

Quote from Jazz

Eric: Hey, Hilary, don't worry about it, it's all settled, sweetheart. Will, I'll see you in court.
Jazz: Court, huh? There's a ball and a hoop out back, we can go now, sucker.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Banks, party of six, please.
Sheriff: Excuse me?
Hilary: I'm sorry. I see they've already been seated. Sorry. When I realized I'd have to raise my right hand, I stopped to buy gloves. Could you just die?

Quote from Carlton

Will: So, Hilary, has Eric shown you his legal briefs?
Carlton: I don't like that guy. He's a pompous, preppie, suck-up. He reminds me of someone.

Quote from Jazz

Will: Surprise! You've heard of the Batmobile, get a load of the Rapmobile.
Philip: I have never seen so much trash in one car.
Jazz: [sits up in the backseat] Yo, who cut the- Oh, Mr. Banks. Sorry, I didn't see you. As hard as that is to believe.

Quote from Will

Philip: I object because the volume of the stereo has absolutely no bearing on my client's ability to operate a vehicle.
Judge Wilson: Objection sustained. Mr. Sanders, how much are you suing for?
Eric: $2,500 in damages.
Judge Wilson: Would the defense like to make an opening statement?
Philip: No, Your Honor. I'd like to call my first witness, Will Smith.
Bailiff: Raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Will: l do. And I categorically deny all the charges against me. This is something that's been drummed up by the Democrats. My fault. A little too much CNN.

Quote from Vivian

Will: About to shake them, not trying to break them. Let's go. Looking for Little Joe. Everybody scream when "deuce deuce" hit the floor.
Carlton: There, right where you belong, in jail.
Will: Hey, Aunt Viv, can I borrow some money for protection while I'm in the slammer? I am kind of cute, you know.
Vivian: Sorry, baby, the rent just went up. And I am moving on up to Park Place. My turn. Looking for Little Joe, Momma's gonna buy a new Gucci bag from the store.

Quote from Carlton

Vivian: So, then, Eric, did you two have a nice time at dinner?
Eric: Oh, yes, ma'am. The restaurant Mr. Banks recommended was excellent. The view was magnificent and of course it was only enhanced by your beautiful daughter. [Hilary giggles] And I can definitely see where she gets her looks from. [Vivian & Hilary giggle]
Will: Man, I thought you sucked up. You're just a Dustbuster compared to that dude.
Carlton: Oh yeah? When I'm his age I'll be twice the suck-up.

Quote from Geoffrey

[The house shakes as Naughty By Nature's O.P.P. plays in the distance]
Vivian: What is that?
Philip: Vivian, I think it's the big one.
Geoffrey: Not unless he's "down with OPP." "Yeah, you know me."

Quote from Will

Carlton: Still hiding from Dad, huh?
Will: Look, man, I am not hiding, all right? [Phil walks up behind Will] I bought a car, I drove a car, and I had a wreck. So what? l'll tell Uncle Phil that to his face.
Carlton: Hi, Dad.
Will: Oh, now that's extremely creative, Carlton. "Look behind you, there's Dad." Ooh. [reaches back with his hand] Ooh, I sure hope Luther Vandross is in the house.

Quote from Will

Judge Wilson: Let's see. Case number 3005, Sanders v. Banks. Says here the defendant, Will Smith, allegedly sideswiped the plaintiff, Eric Sanders at the home of Philip Banks. Home. Must be nice. My wife took mine in our divorce settlement. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! Well then, Mr. Sanders, would you like to approach the bench and give us your opening statement?
Eric: Why, yes, Your Honor. And, by the way, I am deeply sorry about your domestic situation. [Will makes sucking sounds] Your Honor, I was backing out of the Banks' driveway when I heard loud, obnoxious music of the rap persuasion. The next thing I knew, Will Smith recklessly sideswiped my sole means of transportation.
Philip: I object, Your Honor.
Will: Yes, Your Honor, I object, this man is badgering the witness.
Judge Wilson: Young man, there is no witness.
Will: I know, I just always wanted to say that.

Quote from Will

Philip: Son, what are you doing still up? It's a school night.
Will: Uh... Um... Homework, Uncle Phil. I'm watching a television program on farm practices in the Midwest. Look, Arnold the pig is wearing Eddie Albert's pajamas.
Philip: Yeah, I've seen that one. Turn it off. Go to bed.

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