Philip: You can put your hands down, Jazz.
Jazz: No way. Dude's got a gun, next thing you know I got six warning shots in my back.
Philip: Jazz.
Jazz: Okay. I am putting my hands down now.
Philip: Jazz, could you give us your account?
Jazz: Can't. They closed my account. They said I was allegedly writing bad checks. I don't know what they talking about. Those checks was perfectly legible.

Philip: Until I see some insurance papers, you're not driving this car. In fact, what kind of idiot would sell a car without insurance?
Jazz: I resent that. Ah, the joke's on you, Mr. Banks. You can't throw me out 'cause I'm already outside.
[Uncle Phil lifts Jazz out of the car, carries him over his shoulder, and throws him into the house]

Eric: Why, hello, everyone. Nice day, isn't it?
Will: I don't have to answer that.
Eric: Mr. Banks, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Philip: Son, I'm not the one who's going to need luck. I'm not only going to win. I'm going to chew you up and spit you out.
Jazz: I've seen him do a lot of chewing... but I ain't never seen him spit nothing out.

Philip: Mr. Smith, could you tell us in your own words what happened?
Will: Yes. Peep this, your J-ship. Me and Jazz were about to cruise down to the mall in the honey wagon, you know, so we can pack it up with some honeys. So, I popped a little Peabo in the Pioneer, checked my pocket for my Binaca. Hey, 'cause, you know, fresh breath can make the difference between getting a honey's number and getting flipped the bird.
Judge Wilson: Honey flipped me the bird at a bus stop this morning. That's the most action I've had in six months. You were saying something, Mr. Smith?
Will: Yes, so, I checked my rear-view mirror and no sooner did I accelerate than out of nowhere the plaintiff, this seer-sucking Brooks Brother over here, came barreling out of nowhere and bashed right into me.
Judge Wilson: Anything else, Mr. Smith?
Will: Yeah, keep hope alive. You are somebody.
Judge Wilson: Thank you.

[After Uncle Phil and Will enter the courtroom, Jazz walks in with a neck brace]
Will: Jazz, man, what are you trying to pull?
Jazz: $10,000 a year for life.
Will: You know what, I don't think it's quite tight enough.
Jazz: Okay, okay. But you can't blame me for my entrepreneurial spirit.

Philip: [o.s.] Honey, I'll be back in a minute. I'm gonna go get a snack.
Will: Quick, Jazz, hide, man.
Jazz: Man, I thought you said your uncle was asleep.
Will: He was. He must have had that reoccurring nightmare where he misses a meal.

[As Jazz tries to sneak around behind Uncle Phil's back:]
Philip: What is that smell?
Will: Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Phil, I thought I was alone.
Philip: No, no, I don't mean that.
Philip: It smells like cheap cologne and fried chicken.
Jazz: I resent that. [Uncle Phil turns around] Oops.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house at night]

Vivian: Will, where did you get this car?
Will: l bought it, Aunt Viv. With the money from my allowance and my part-time job at the restaurant.
Philip: But did you get insurance?
Will: Umm... Hey, check this out, Uncle Phil. I got this fly stereo system.
Philip: Did you get insurance?
Will: Umm... All this stuff I got in the car I got from Jazz's connection at the Pep Boys. His mom used to date them.
Vivian: But did you get insurance?
Will: Uh, no, but I got this real fly Malcolm X air-freshener.

Will: Man, Jazz, I can't believe this. The malls are closing in 15 minutes. The bus stop's gonna be packed with honeys. And the Rapmobile is on ice. How Uncle Phil gonna play me?
Jazz: Hilary's an ignorant somebody. She ain't even call me to tell me she quit me. I deserve that much. I'm a man.
Will: That's what I'm saying. I'm a man, too. But Uncle Phil's an extremely bigger man.
Jazz: Two can play at that game. I got an idea. The malls are closing. Let's cruise down there in your new ride and pick up some honeys.
Will: Hold up. Hold up. [Geoffrey walks into the room] Are you telling me that I should disobey my Uncle and do something that he specifically told me not to do? It won't be the first time. Posse out. [they exit]
Geoffrey: A wise butler sees nothing, hears nothing and takes detailed notes for his book. [crashing sounds] Ah, another chapter.

Eric: Hey, Hilary, don't worry about it, it's all settled, sweetheart. Will, I'll see you in court.
Jazz: Court, huh? There's a ball and a hoop out back, we can go now, sucker.