Tyriq: Carlton is your partner?
Jazz: Yeah, what he got I ain't got?
Will: On a straight up tip, y'all, see, Carlton got this rare disease, right? And to go on this game show was his last desperate wish before he takes that old dirt nap.
Tyriq: That's decent, Will.
Jazz: What he got?
Will: Um... Uh... He got Bette Davis eyes.

Vivian: So, who's gonna be your partner?
Will: Oh, Kellogg Leiberbaum. He's the smartest dude in school. He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00. That is, if Uncle Phil don't try to fix it.
Philip: Well, that's it. The next person that mentions the phone gets a boot in their behind.
Jazz: Mr. Banks, your phone is broken.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house. Later, Jazz dusts himself off as he returns to the living room]
Jazz: It occurs to me, this family's got a lot to learn about hospitality.

Vivian: Geoffrey, can I get some coffee, please?
Geoffrey: l'm working on it, madam.
Vivian: Well, when will it be ready?
Geoffrey: At this rate? About the time Queen Elizabeth opens for Queen Latifah.

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil. I think Aunt Viv put the Ring Dings in the cabinet over here.
Philip: The sink is busted, and I'm trying to fix it, Will.
Will: Wait, wait, Uncle Phil, no. Geoffrey's eyebrows just grew back from the time you tried to fix the stove, man.
Vivian: Philip, drop the wrench and step away from the sink.
Philip: Why does everybody act like I'm dangerous when I'm trying to fix something?
Vivian: Have you forgotten the toaster incident, sweetie? Geoffrey hasn't.
Philip: How was I supposed to know a piece of whole wheat would scratch a man's cornea?

Jazz: I'm here to practice for the game show.
Will: Wait a minute, how do you know I'm going on a game show?
Jazz: From Willy at Roscoe's Chicken 'n' Waffles. He knows everything. He's the source that revealed that Mariah Carey's Black.

Tyriq: What's he doing here?
Jazz: No, what's he doing here?
Will: Well, come, now y'all not still mad at each other about the watch thing?
Tyriq: Yo, he sold me a fake Rolex.
Jazz: You paid with a fake 20.
Will: All right, now first of all, you should have known that it was fake when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours. And you should have known that the Jackson on a 20 ain't Jermaine.
Jazz: They all look alike to me.

Tyriq: [to Will] Okay, you know, because I'm your best friend I respect your decision. Because I am your best friend. Peace, my best friend.
Jazz: Some best friend. When you go to your car, you gotta walk.
Tyriq: What? Don't you?
Jazz: Please, watch this. Yo, Mr. Banks, my tubby judicial brother.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house]

Philip: Good morning, everyone.
Will: Hey, Aunt Viv, I'm telling you, if we band together we can take him.
Vivian: Leave him alone, honey, he's mine. Philip, baby if Mr. Goodwrench wants to visit Mrs. Toolbox he'd better get Mr. Water running.
Philip: Carlton, get the yellow pages.

Bob Eubanks: Thank you very much. Hello, everybody. Thank you. And welcome back to another edition of...
Audience: Double Trouble!
Bob Eubanks: All right, let's jump right into it and meet our first team. This guy likes music, basketball, and girls, and not necessarily in that order. He's a native of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Welcome Will Smith! Now, Will's partner is Bel-Air, California, born and bred. He's a fan of Tom Jones, mutual funds, and capital punishment. Say hello to Carlton Banks.

Bob Eubanks: Will and Carlton, nice to have you with us. Okay, let's meet their opponents now. This fellow says he's into frozen pizza, Laverne & Shirley reruns and I want you to meet LA's oldest 10th grader his name is Tyriq Johnson! Tyriq's partner is a brain surgeon who still finds time to date the salubrious Whitney Houston. Let's have a warm Double Trouble welcome for Dr. Jazzy Jeff M.D., Ph.D., and O.P.P.
Will: What the hell are they doing here?
Carlton: And how long has he been dating Whitney Houston?