Jazz: Man, I'm starving. When do we eat here?
Philip: We eat here later. You eat here never.
Jazz: Looks like you eat here often.
[Uncle Phil throws Jazz out of the house]

Will: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Raphael de la Ghetto.
[Geoffrey walks down the stairs wearing a dashiki, a giant afro and a pair of glasses with the sun-lenses popped out]
Geoffrey: "Listen To the street beat Hear the sound pound Plug your ears Mask your fears Something weird's going down So listen to the street beat Listen to the box shock Listen, or I'll kill you" [applause]
Ned: That was heavy, man. Let's have another one. Encore. [all] Encore.
Geoffrey: "Cannon to the right of them Cannon to the left of them Cannon in front of them Volleyed and thundered"
Toni: Hilary, isn't that your butler?
Hilary: Yeah. Wow, it's a good look for him.
Geoffrey: "Came through the jaws of Death" [chatter] Silence, you ungrateful children. When you're ready to be quiet and listen, I shall return.

Carlton: I hear someone in this room likes poetry. Try this one on for size. "Roses are red Violets are blue Pansies are poets Will, tell me it isn't true"
Will: That's funny. I got a poem for you, Carl. Try this one on for size. "Roses are red Violets are blue Jazz and I are Black, But Carlton, what are you?"

Vivian: Hi, Will. Where's your uncle?
Will: He's throwing Jazz out the house again.
Vivian: Okay. Here are those poetry books you wanted. I used them in the Freshman Lit class I taught last year. If you have any questions about poetry, just ask me.
Will: Yeah, I have a question. I understand why guys get into poetry. To get girls. But why do girls like poetry?
Vivian: Because girls think with their brains.

Will: [singing] Michael Jordan, Al Capone, Woody Woodpecker, Fred Flintstone. [talks] Hey, come on. Vogue with me, baby.
Ashley: Look, Geoffrey. We're voguing.
Geoffrey: And what is the precise nature of this nervous disorder?
Will: It's for people that want to look cool but ain't really got no rhythm. You should be pretty good at it. Come on, strike the pose.
Geoffrey: Unhand me, you ruffian.

Will: But why did you two come?
Toni: Are you kidding? We heard the buzz about this event on Melrose. I cannot believe your dinky, little school got Raphael de la Ghetto to come.
Hilary: Why didn't you tell me it was poetry night? You know what a great lover of literature I am.
Will: Hilary, I've never seen you read nothing.
Hilary: Oh, that's right. And I suppose I just get my horoscope out of the air.

Christina: Who are you?
Jazz: I am Raphael de la Ghetto.
Christina: Where's your afro? And where's your dashiki?
Jazz: I worked all that out in therapy.
Christina: I don't know who to believe anymore. How do I know you're the real Raphael de la Ghetto?
Jazz: Listen. "My love for you is like a river Like a summer breeze That makes my soul shiver One look from you Is more precious than gold Let's go get some barbecue And get busy"
Christina: Oh, Raphael. Tell me more.
Jazz: [to Will] Works every time.

Geoffrey: Master William, I applaud your new interest. Poetry is one of my great loves. I won first prize at the old Devonshire poetry recital of 1963. Master William, you should have been there. The crowd rose to its feet shouting, "Encore! Encore!"
Will: That's interesting.
Geoffrey: "Cannon to the right of them Cannon to the left of them Cannon in front of them Volleyed and thundered"
Jazz: You need a last line for that?

Will: Jazz, man, I'm glad you're here.
Jazz: What's up, man? You sounded kind of clutch on the phone.
Will: Man, I'm in big trouble. I promised Christina I'd have a famous poet at school tonight.
Jazz: I'm connected, but I don't know any famous poets.
Will: Jazz, I need somebody to pretend to be a famous poet.
Philip: [o.s.] I'll be home about 6:00, Geoffrey.
Jazz: Is that your uncle? Man, I'm tired of those grass burns. [runs out]

Philip: Will, please. Don't you have anything better to do than to annoy Geoffrey?
Will: Well, yeah, but Carlton ain't home yet.
Philip: That's right. Do you have any idea what he does after school?
Will: Window-shop at Randy's Short and Small?
Philip: Carlton belongs to three different after-school clubs.
Will: I belong to the home shopping club.