Carlton: Well, Geoffrey, before we get you your tea there's something else we'd like to do for you. [plays kazoo]
Will: Carlton, put away that tired old kazoo, please. Get busy for me one time, Skinny A."
Ashley: [raps] Happy birthday, my man G Because you know the most About butlery So don't move an inch, stay where you sit We're going to treat you like The King of Brit
Will: Huh!

Ashley: Will, I think Janet likes you.
Will: I definitely think she's up on me.
Ashley: You know, it's probably not too late to get that spinach out of your teeth.

Ashley: Look. Now, this is a really good picture of him.
Carlton: Who's he?
Ashley: His name is Little T.
Will: Yeah, you know, that kid singer.
Ashley: He's not just a kid singer. He's the coolest, cutest guy in the universe.
Carlton: Some would beg to differ.
Ashley: I've been reading all about him. Listen to this: "He loves video games, cheeseburgers, and basketball. He hates rainy days, anchovies, and phony people." He is so deep.
Will: You're telling me. He likes all the same stuff I like.

Little T: Are you feeling better?
Ashley: I can't believe I just did that. This is so embarrassing.
Little T: It's not so bad.
Ashley: Come on. I've always been planning on things to say if I got a chance to meet you. Then I finally meet you, and I don't even make a sound.
Little T: Well, I don't know about that. You made a pretty good thud when you hit the ground.
Ashley: Did I really? Oh, God, I can't even faint right.

Ashley: Thanks, Will. But what I really need to know is how to kick someone's butt.
Will: Oh, word up. Carlton getting on your nerves, too?
Ashley: It's not Carlton. It's this girl Paula Hoover. If I don't give her my lunch, she hits me. And tomorrow at 3:00, she's gonna beat me up whether I feed her or not.
Will: Well, I happen to know she ain't gonna be beating you up.
Ashley: Why? Did she die?
Will: No. I'm gonna teach you how to defend yourself.

Ashley: Daddy, Geoffrey wouldn't just quit. What did you do to him?
Hilary: Ashley, I'm just glad you didn't have to see him leave. There was a tear in his eye as he walked down the driveway, took one last look at us, and gave a sad little wave.
Will: And fortunately you're too young to know what he was waving.
Ashley: I can't wait to be grown up.

Ashley: Do we have a safety deposit box? I wanna hide my things before Aunt Helen and Uncle Lester get here with Bobby.
Vivian: Oh, Ashley, your cousin Bobby is not that bad.
Ashley: Mom, last time he came here he pulled off Barbie's arm and burnt down her Dream House.

Ashley: Geoffrey, I took a piece of gum from your windbreaker.
Geoffrey: Quite all right, Miss Ashley.
Ashley: No, I insist on paying you back. Here.
Geoffrey: A stick of Doublemint costs but a few pennies.
Ashley: A few pennies, $94. Why split hairs?
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley, you have offended my honor.
Ashley: Honor schmonor. lt's your male pride.
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley!
Ashley: I'm sorry, Geoffrey, but I'm sick and tired of men acting like pouty babies just because you beat them at something. Like the time I beat Bobby Greenspan at tetherball. After that, he told everyone at school that I took steroids.
Geoffrey: I apologize, Miss Ashley. I have acted like an utter fool.
Ashley: That's all right, Geoffrey. I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan in his locker before he would apologize.

Bobby: For my Christmas gift I'm gonna give Ashley a noogie.
Ashley: I am going to give Bobby five seconds before I ram that video game down his throat!

Will: See, look, it won't be that bad, man. I mean, how hard can it be to serve a couple of 13-year-old boys?
Ashley: 13-year-old boys? Count me in. After all, Hilary's my sister.