Will: Um, I guess I shouldn't have busted your groove at the club, man. And I guess what I want to say is it's all Jazz's fault, man.
Geoffrey: Sit down, lad. Master William... for you, a birthday is a time to paint the town red but for me, it's a time of reflection. A time to review one's successes and regrets. I must say, one of my regrets has always been the fact that I never had a son. I have so much advice to pass on to the next generation. But no one to tell it to.
Will: Ooh, look at the time. Boy, I'm bushed. [yawns]
Geoffrey: Sit, William. My boy, a man is much more than the job he holds or the clothes he wears. For example, if I were to judge you by your costume I should guess you were some kind of circus performer.
Will: That's pretty cold, G.
Geoffrey: But you made the same assumptions about me. You assumed I was lonely. You assumed I wouldn't know how to comport myself at a nightspot. You assumed I was a poor dancer. I hope the events of tonight have proved to you that I am, as the saying goes... a fairly fly individual.

Hilary: Oh, isn't this cute? You two have so much in common. You both speak English.

Hilary: Well, I'm going to go mingle. The "A" list turned out tonight.
Geoffrey: Really?
Hilary: Look. That's Tom Cruise's pool cleaner. And that's Cher's electrolysist. And that's Heather Locklear.

Will: I want to hook Geoffrey up with a woman so he can get busy.
Carlton: I think Geoffrey's busy enough, what with all his chores.
Will: Dude, you don't get it. Look, it's Geoffrey's birthday, and he's just staying up in the Batcave listening to his radio. I mean, straight up, the man's depressed.
Philip: No, he's not depressed. He's British.

Will: Yo, G, Helen is going to be here any minute. Baby, hook it up.
Geoffrey: I'm hooking as fast as I can. Don't be such a wanker.
Will: Well, what are you going to wear?
Geoffrey: Voila.
Will: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, come on, G. Hilary's taking you and Helen to the fliest club in LA. I mean, my buddy Jazz is the DJ there. He said the place is all of that.
Geoffrey: All what?
Will: Look, look, forget it. I don't think you understand, man. You got a kind of a Ben Vereen thing going here, man. Come on, baby. You got to dress a lot funkier than that.
Geoffrey: Funkier? [pulls handkerchief up out of pocket] There. Pure, unadulterated funk.
Will: All right, look, G, forget about looking cool. Let's concentrate on acting cool.
Geoffrey: Don't talk to me about cool. During the '70s, I was briefly employed as Led Zeppelin's road butler.
Will: Look, G., when the music is pumping and it's time to go on the dance floor this is what you do. [dances] Now you give it a try.
Geoffrey: I would be most happy to, but to the best of my knowledge hell has not yet frozen over.

Hilary: Stay smooth. Don't buckle. Ugh!
Vivian: Hilary, what's the problem?
Hilary: I've never wrapped a present before. Geoffrey's always wrapped my presents. Geoffrey!
Vivian: Hilary, you can't ask him to wrap his own present.
Hilary: Oh, I guess that's another one of those unwritten rules.

Hilary: Here's my present, Geoffrey. Happy birthday. I wrapped it myself.
Geoffrey: Thank you, Miss Hilary. This is most generous.
Hilary: I know I boss you around too much. This gift is my way of making up for it.
Philip: You know, Hilary, sweetheart, you could also stop bossing him around.
Hilary: Okay, then I'll keep the sweater.

Geoffrey: I'll get the tea. Would you like anything with that?
Philip: Geoffrey, relax. It's your birthday. Now, we're gonna do all of your most hated chores.
Geoffrey: But, sir, I don't hate any of my chores.
Philip: Well, we do.
Ashley: So, Geoffrey, are you going to do anything special for your birthday?
Geoffrey: Oh, most assuredly, Miss Ashley. Tonight, I will be enjoying a BBC broadcast of Gilbert and Sullivan's HMS Pinafore followed by a penetrating interview by David Frost.
Will: Ooh, and they say the man can't party.

Carlton: Well, Geoffrey, before we get you your tea there's something else we'd like to do for you. [plays kazoo]
Will: Carlton, put away that tired old kazoo, please. Get busy for me one time, Skinny A."
Ashley: [raps] Happy birthday, my man G Because you know the most About butlery So don't move an inch, stay where you sit We're going to treat you like The King of Brit
Will: Huh!

Carlton: Did you see that look on Geoffrey's face? He just lit up.
Hilary: I never thought I'd say this, but it feels really good to do something for somebody else for a change.
Ashley: Aren't we supposed to make him some tea?
Hilary: Oh, right. Ashley, honey, how'd you like to go into the kitchen and introduce Mr. Tea Bag and Mr. Teapot to Mr. Boiling Water?
Vivian: Hilary, how'd you like to make the tea before I take away Mr. Allowance?
Hilary: Mother, please. Don't talk down to me.