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‘Hilary Gets a Life’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hilary Gets a Life

214. Hilary Gets a Life

Aired January 6, 1992

After Hilary spends like crazy on their credit cards, Philip and Vivian force her to get a job.

Quote from Hilary

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, will you please be sensible?
Hilary: My friends are out there, Geoffrey. One of them is going to go to medical school, the other one landed a job with IBM, and if they see me out there serving, they're gonna think I'm a big fat zero.
Geoffrey: What matters is what you think about yourself.
Hilary: [scoffs] Maybe in Des Moines. This is L.A., okay? Besides, I lied to get this job and now I can't do it. I quit.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary? Remember when you were 9, you begged your parents to buy you a violin. But five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, it irritated my chin.
Geoffrey: And what about ballet?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.
Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
Hilary: Okay, okay, I quit that, too. But they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!

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Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, you can't go through life quitting everything. You'll never achieve anything unless you stick with something. And you should stick with this because you've done a truly remarkable job on this party. Can't remember when I've seen you this happy.
Hilary: Yeah, but, Geoffrey, what difference does it make? I mean, do you really see Cindy saying: "Wow, you've just got to meet my friend, Hilary Banks. She can sculpt cauliflower into a bust of Barbra Streisand!"
Geoffrey: There's nothing demeaning about serving others, young lady. I'm very good at my job and in that I take great pride.
Hilary: I'm not as strong as you are, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Oh, no? Well, I had a hand in raising you, Miss Hilary and if I do say so myself, Geoffrey don't raise no fools. Now if you love this job as much as I think you do go out there, pick up a tray and enter that room as if you were the Queen of England.
Hilary: But she's so dowdy. Can I be Princess Caroline instead?
Geoffrey: [nods] Get busy, Princess.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I give up. I can't get a job. I can't even pound the pavement right.
Will: Oh, I guess your interview didn't go too good, huh?
Hilary: It's just not fair. I want my employer to want me for me, not for what I've accomplished. You know what I mean?
Will: Yeah, Hil, I do and it scares the hell out of me.
Hilary: Tomorrow's just gonna be more of the same. I'm interviewing at a catering company, but I'll never get the job. Because it's a cold, cold world, Will. And unfortunately these people only want one thing.
Will: What? Your body?
Hilary: No, my résumé.

Quote from Will

Will: Well, first things first. If you're gonna want people to take you seriously you're gonna have to stop dotting your I's with these little hearts. And you're applying for a position at a catering company?
Hilary: Yes, but I don't know anything about catering.
Will: Well, girl, what are you, tripping? How many catered affairs have you been to?
Hilary: I don't know, 4... maybe 500.
Will: Okay, there we go. "6,000 hours of catering experience". Didn't you spend, like, three summers in Paris?
Hilary: Yes. I gained 10 pounds eating croissants.
Will: "Studied pastry making with the French masters."
Hilary: Will, I am no good in the kitchen. I mean, the last time I tried to make breakfast I burned the entire stove to a crisp.
Will: "Expert in the art of flambé."

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Where is the princess?
Hilary: Here I am. Geoffrey, you have saved my life, as usual. Thank you so much for helping me on your day off.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, it will be my pleasure to help you in your hour of need. [to Will] As for you, there is a special place for you in homeboy hell.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Blacks and Jews have a lot in common. Cherished heritage, a strong sense of community, frizzy hair.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Hilary, when you quit college we made an agreement that you would pay your own way.
Philip: Hilary, most of these bills are yours. You spend more on clothes than most small countries spend on grain. You're gonna have to find yourself a job, young lady and you're gonna have to keep it for longer than one day.
Hilary: Okay, you're right. I haven't lived up to my end of the bargain and I feel terrible, I really do. Okay, I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job. Right after Easter.
Philip: Vivian, I can't take this anymore. Hilary, at your age I shouldn't have to do this.
Hilary: No, Daddy, no!
Philip: This is going to hurt me much more than it hurts you. I want you to reach into that purse and give me your credit cards. Now, young lady!

Quote from Vivian

Philip: Carlton, $90 for a pair of socks? That's ridiculous.
Vivian: It certainly is! Um, honey, that's $9.
Philip: Oh. Ashley, how could you manage to charge $80 worth of trinkets on our account at the drug store?
Vivian: That's 80 cents. Sweetie, do you think you need to get your eyes checked?
Philip: Don't be ridiculous, Vivian.
Vivian: This has been going on for months. If you move the TV any closer to the bed I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno.

Quote from Will

Tyriq: Yo, signing up for Singles and Mingles was a bumping idea but, you know, these dating services sure cost a lot of bones.
Will: Hey, who you telling? To pay for it I had to do double duty down at the restaurant. And I thought it was tough being a pirate. It ain't nothing compared to being a salad wench.
Tyriq: Well, I'm done filling out my application. Maybe I should put my scent on it, huh?
Will: Hey, I think not. Let's see. "Occupation: Waiter. Income: $3.50 an hour." Ty, you're not gonna get a date you're gonna get a hot meal and a box of free clothes.
Tyriq: You gotta write the things that would appeal to the kind of woman you want. So what's your occupation?
Will: Oh, well, I'm a biblical scholar, a nuclear physicist and a doctor who saves the lives of orphaned children.
Tyriq: Wow, man. Well, what kind of woman you looking for?
Will: Someone with really, really big breasts.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I am so full. We have got to stop with these lunches. Oh, I will never eat again. So where are we going to lunch tomorrow?
Krista: I'm sorry, Hil, but I can't. I've got to study for my med school entrance exam.
Hilary: Oh, right. Well, great. When your looks go, they'll still respect you. So, Cindy, where do you want to do lunch tomorrow?
Cindy: Sorry, Hil, I have an interview with an IBM recruiter.
Hilary: Well, God. Everyone's got something to do but me. Maybe I should get a job. [all laugh]

Quote from Hilary

Cindy: If I'm gonna find a dress for my interview, we better get going.
Hilary: Oh, I can't. Do you believe my parents have called some family meeting? I mean, do I look like a Huxtable?

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Oh, great, you're all together.
Vivian: Will, we've got something to say to you.
Philip: We want to congratulate you for setting such a fine example for the other kids.
Will: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Vivian: No, baby, not at all. We are very proud of the way you've managed to balance your school work and your part-time job.
Carlton: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Philip: These bills are no joke. You kids could stand to learn a thing or two from Will.
Hilary: Are we, like, in the Twilight Zone? When does everyone put on the pig masks?

Quote from Will

Will: You said you was gonna take yours back.
Tyriq: Come on, now, man, look. I deserve to keep the shirt because I was in eighth grade the longest.
Will: Come on, this definitely ain't gonna do nothing for the misconception that all brothers look alike.
Tyriq: Right, wait. What are we doing here, anyway? I thought you said we were going to the Bar Mista?
Will: It's "bar mitzvah," dunce cap. The Bar Mista is a go-go joint on Sunset.
Hilary: Oh, thanks guys. Could you get the rest of the stuff out of the car?
Will: Yeah, we'll grab that, but I told you we gotta get out of here. We get to meet who we got matched up with today. And I don't want to miss out on a lovely young lady who thinks I'm Arsenio's younger brother, Vesuvia.

Quote from Ashley

Will: See, look, it won't be that bad, man. I mean, how hard can it be to serve a couple of 13-year-old boys?
Ashley: 13-year-old boys? Count me in. After all, Hilary's my sister.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: All right, thanks, now I just gotta try to get G to come. You know how tight he is with his days off. Hey, G! Big, big party, man. Plenty of honeys.
Geoffrey: No.
Will: Well, G's probably right. How much fun could you have with chumpies named Di, Fergie, and Elizabeth? I mean, you know. [Will, Carlton & Ashley exit]
Geoffrey: [to himself] He's lying. It's clearly a lie. It's a blatant, bold-faced lie! [stands up] I'll hate myself in the morning.

Quote from Will

Will: Hilary, what is wrong with you, child?
Hilary: They're out there.
Will: Well, Hilary, other than the pork thing, they're pretty much just like us.
Hilary: I'm talking about Cindy and Krista. If my friends see me serving food, I'll be the laughingstock of Bel-Air!
Will: Hilary, don't be ridiculous. Carlton's the laughingstock of Bel-Air. Besides, you're the caterer. You can't hide in the kitchen all night!
Hilary: You're right. They might come in here.
Will: What are you- [Hilary hides in the storage cupboard] Hilary! You know, ever since you got a job I've been working my butt off!

Quote from Will

Will: Look, I'm telling you man, it'd be cool.
Tyriq: I'm not. No one's gonna believe you're a nuclear physicist. You have trouble working the pumps on your shoes. Let me check in with my fan club. So, I got a little question for you all. Do you all see me more as a biblical scholar or a nuclear physicist?
Krista: I see you as an extra from Hook.
Will: You better watch it before I make you walk the plank.

Quote from Will

Philip: I can see just fine. They're just making the print smaller than they used to. Now, this looks like $300 for a pair of shoes, what's it say?
Vivian: $300 dollars for shoes.
Philip: Hmm.
Hilary: Point being?
Philip: Kids we'd like to talk to Hilary alone.
Will: Yes, sir. I think I'll slide out and simonize my halo.

Quote from Will

Will: [in the mirror] Yes, hi, I'm Dr. Smith. Sorry I'm late, I had to slide down to the nuclear facility and split an atom.

Quote from Philip

Tyriq: Hey, hey.
Philip: Hi, Will.
Vivian: Philip, you really should get your eyes checked.
Philip: [strains to look at Tyriq] I'll make an appointment to see the eye doctor tomorrow.
Ashley: Tyriq, Will's upstairs, I'll go get him.
Tyriq: That's okay, Ashley, I'll get him. [shouts] Yo, Will! lt's Ty!
Philip: You're sure he heard you?
Tyriq: You know, that's a good point. You got a broom? I mean, I could go bang on the ceiling.

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