Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, will you please be sensible?
Hilary: My friends are out there, Geoffrey. One of them is going to go to medical school, the other one landed a job with IBM, and if they see me out there serving, they're gonna think I'm a big fat zero.
Geoffrey: What matters is what you think about yourself.
Hilary: [scoffs] Maybe in Des Moines. This is L.A., okay? Besides, I lied to get this job and now I can't do it. I quit.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary? Remember when you were 9, you begged your parents to buy you a violin. But five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, it irritated my chin.
Geoffrey: And what about ballet?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.
Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
Hilary: Okay, okay, I quit that, too. But they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, you can't go through life quitting everything. You'll never achieve anything unless you stick with something. And you should stick with this because you've done a truly remarkable job on this party. Can't remember when I've seen you this happy.
Hilary: Yeah, but, Geoffrey, what difference does it make? I mean, do you really see Cindy saying: "Wow, you've just got to meet my friend, Hilary Banks. She can sculpt cauliflower into a bust of Barbra Streisand!"
Geoffrey: There's nothing demeaning about serving others, young lady. I'm very good at my job and in that I take great pride.
Hilary: I'm not as strong as you are, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Oh, no? Well, I had a hand in raising you, Miss Hilary and if I do say so myself, Geoffrey don't raise no fools. Now if you love this job as much as I think you do go out there, pick up a tray and enter that room as if you were the Queen of England.
Hilary: But she's so dowdy. Can I be Princess Caroline instead?
Geoffrey: [nods] Get busy, Princess.

Hilary: I give up. I can't get a job. I can't even pound the pavement right.
Will: Oh, I guess your interview didn't go too good, huh?
Hilary: It's just not fair. I want my employer to want me for me, not for what I've accomplished. You know what I mean?
Will: Yeah, Hil, I do and it scares the hell out of me.
Hilary: Tomorrow's just gonna be more of the same. I'm interviewing at a catering company, but I'll never get the job. Because it's a cold, cold world, Will. And unfortunately these people only want one thing.
Will: What? Your body?
Hilary: No, my résumé.

Will: Well, first things first. If you're gonna want people to take you seriously you're gonna have to stop dotting your I's with these little hearts. And you're applying for a position at a catering company?
Hilary: Yes, but I don't know anything about catering.
Will: Well, girl, what are you, tripping? How many catered affairs have you been to?
Hilary: I don't know, 4... maybe 500.
Will: Okay, there we go. "6,000 hours of catering experience". Didn't you spend, like, three summers in Paris?
Hilary: Yes. I gained 10 pounds eating croissants.
Will: "Studied pastry making with the French masters."
Hilary: Will, I am no good in the kitchen. I mean, the last time I tried to make breakfast I burned the entire stove to a crisp.
Will: "Expert in the art of flambé."

Geoffrey: Where is the princess?
Hilary: Here I am. Geoffrey, you have saved my life, as usual. Thank you so much for helping me on your day off.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, it will be my pleasure to help you in your hour of need. [to Will] As for you, there is a special place for you in homeboy hell.

Carlton: Blacks and Jews have a lot in common. Cherished heritage, a strong sense of community, frizzy hair.

Vivian: Hilary, when you quit college we made an agreement that you would pay your own way.
Philip: Hilary, most of these bills are yours. You spend more on clothes than most small countries spend on grain. You're gonna have to find yourself a job, young lady and you're gonna have to keep it for longer than one day.
Hilary: Okay, you're right. I haven't lived up to my end of the bargain and I feel terrible, I really do. Okay, I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job. Right after Easter.
Philip: Vivian, I can't take this anymore. Hilary, at your age I shouldn't have to do this.
Hilary: No, Daddy, no!
Philip: This is going to hurt me much more than it hurts you. I want you to reach into that purse and give me your credit cards. Now, young lady!

Philip: Carlton, $90 for a pair of socks? That's ridiculous.
Vivian: It certainly is! Um, honey, that's $9.
Philip: Oh. Ashley, how could you manage to charge $80 worth of trinkets on our account at the drug store?
Vivian: That's 80 cents. Sweetie, do you think you need to get your eyes checked?
Philip: Don't be ridiculous, Vivian.
Vivian: This has been going on for months. If you move the TV any closer to the bed I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno.

Tyriq: Yo, signing up for Singles and Mingles was a bumping idea but, you know, these dating services sure cost a lot of bones.
Will: Hey, who you telling? To pay for it I had to do double duty down at the restaurant. And I thought it was tough being a pirate. It ain't nothing compared to being a salad wench.
Tyriq: Well, I'm done filling out my application. Maybe I should put my scent on it, huh?
Will: Hey, I think not. Let's see. "Occupation: Waiter. Income: $3.50 an hour." Ty, you're not gonna get a date you're gonna get a hot meal and a box of free clothes.
Tyriq: You gotta write the things that would appeal to the kind of woman you want. So what's your occupation?
Will: Oh, well, I'm a biblical scholar, a nuclear physicist and a doctor who saves the lives of orphaned children.
Tyriq: Wow, man. Well, what kind of woman you looking for?
Will: Someone with really, really big breasts.

Hilary: I am so full. We have got to stop with these lunches. Oh, I will never eat again. So where are we going to lunch tomorrow?
Krista: I'm sorry, Hil, but I can't. I've got to study for my med school entrance exam.
Hilary: Oh, right. Well, great. When your looks go, they'll still respect you. So, Cindy, where do you want to do lunch tomorrow?
Cindy: Sorry, Hil, I have an interview with an IBM recruiter.
Hilary: Well, God. Everyone's got something to do but me. Maybe I should get a job. [all laugh]