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‘Something for Nothing’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Something for Nothing

212. Something for Nothing

Aired December 9, 1991

When Will wins some money at the country club, he decides to go against tradition in donating the money back to the club. Meanwhile, Geoffrey sets up a poker night for Ashley, who is too young to attend the club.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Well, I'm all ready for Monte Carlo night. I've read this book cover to cover. Ask me about any odd combination.
Will: Okay, why is Michael Jackson hanging with that little boy from Home Alone?

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Quote from Will

Vivian: Philip, I'm sure Will just hasn't gotten around to returning the check yet.
Philip: Vivian, when I tell Will to do something I expect for it to be done.
Will: Hey, Aunt Viv! Uncle... Phil. Whoa, you got that mad look in your eyes. Let me guess. You grabbed Geoffrey's underwear by mistake, am I right?

Quote from Ashley

Geoffrey: Something wrong, Miss Ashley?
Ashley: No. Everything's fine. [sighs]
Geoffrey: Spill it.
Ashley: Be honest. We're playing with cookies because you think I'm a kid, right?
Geoffrey: Well, yes.
Ashley: I'm 13! If these were the Middle Ages, I'd already be married and own a pair of oxen. I'm an adult. A young adult.
Geoffrey: I'll get my wallet.
Ashley: I'll get my Smurf bank.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Will, this is a fundraiser for the L.A. Political Coalition. Everything cannot always be about fun.
Will: Hold up! What? Y'all gonna make me go?
Philip: Well, at least show up. If you're still unhappy after the first half hour, consider the rest of the evening punishment for something you've gotten away with.
Will: I'd rather be stranded at sea with David Duke leading the rescue party.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: Well, we better be going. Good night, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Sir.
Philip: And, Ashley, sweetheart, I'll bring you home a stuffed Miss Piggy doll.
Ashley: Oh, joy. [to Geoffrey] Being 13 bites. And I'm too young to know what it bites.
Geoffrey: Perhaps biting into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie would lift your spirits. I've poured you a nice cold glass of milk to go with it.
Ashley: [to herself] Why don't you just slap a diaper on me and hang a mobile over my head?
[As Ashley follows Geoffrey into the kitchen, she sees he has set up a poker table for her]
Ashley: Oh, Geoffrey! It's wonderful!
Geoffrey: Here is your ginger ale. Shaken, not stirred. I trust you won't be dancing on the table with a lamp shade on your head. Ante is one vanilla wafer. Table limit, four mint Milanos.

Quote from Will

Philip: Well, Will, that was very commendable, but that's not what that money was raised for.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil. You said I got a break and I was supposed to give somebody else a break so I gave the money to Ramon.
Vivian: He's right, Philip, you did say that.
Philip: I'll still donate $1,000 to L.A.P.C.
Will: Yeah, that's cool. But, looky here. Seeing as how you're in this extremely generous mood, I want to know if you was down with donating to the United Negro Nephew Fund. You know, they say a Saturday night is a terrible thing to waste.

Quote from Will

Carlton: This is amazing! Did you know the odds of getting hit by an asteroid are one in 6,000?
Will: Really? I'm feeling kinda lucky, man. Why don't you go outside? "How to Beat the Odds"? Sorry, C., no way to beat it, you're odd.

Quote from Will

Hilary: And, Will, you're gonna help with the cleanup.
Will: I ain't down with that old country club stuff, sitting around all night discussing mayonnaise with four White guys named Biff.
Carlton: Isn't Biff a riot?

Quote from Geoffrey

Ramon: Time to go help Ma wash Mr. Steinberg's windows. Peace.
Will: Hey, be cool, babe.
Ramon: Oh, by the way, G, she told me to tell you hello.
Geoffrey: Really?
Ramon: No, I just wanted to watch the Earl Grey run through your veins. [exits]
Geoffrey: When we have children like that in England we encourage them to emigrate.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Hilary, I just want to know what job I'll be doing so I can pick out an outfit.
Hilary: Mother, the ladies at the country club put me in charge of Monte Carlo Night because I don't play favorites.
Vivian: Well, just remember whose name is on your favorite credit card.
Hilary: "Vivian Banks: any job she wants."

Quote from Will

Will: All right, Robin from the 'hood is in the house. Give me 7-1 1, I don't mean the store. Taketh from the rich and giveth unto the poor! Blow on these bones for me, would you, slummy? [Mrs. Pullman blows onto his dice] All right! Seven! All right, let it ride. Let it ride.
Carlton: No way, Will. Odds of you repeating that are six-to-one. It says here don't even make this bet in your dreams.
Will: [as Martin Luther King] Ah, Carlton, and l, too, have a dream. And in it all of the world rises up and overcomes your stupidity. Now stay out of my face.

Quote from Will

Mr. Cummings: It is with great pleasure that I present you with this check in the amount of $1,000.
Will: And it is with humongous pleasure that I take this chumpy off your hands.
Mr. Cummings: Can we get a picture of this please? And now can we get a shot of Will giving the check back to the L.A.P.C.?
Will: Wait, wait. Excuse me?
Mr. Cummings: We'd like a shot of you donating the money back to the L.A.P.C.
Will: Wait. What? You want me to donate $1,000?
Mr. Cummings: That's the idea.
Will: That's a bad idea.
Mr. Cummings: But it's Club tradition.
Will: Well, we got a club tradition in Philly, too it says if they don't have one, you don't give them your money.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Geoffrey, I took a piece of gum from your windbreaker.
Geoffrey: Quite all right, Miss Ashley.
Ashley: No, I insist on paying you back. Here.
Geoffrey: A stick of Doublemint costs but a few pennies.
Ashley: A few pennies, $94. Why split hairs?
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley, you have offended my honor.
Ashley: Honor schmonor. lt's your male pride.
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley!
Ashley: I'm sorry, Geoffrey, but I'm sick and tired of men acting like pouty babies just because you beat them at something. Like the time I beat Bobby Greenspan at tetherball. After that, he told everyone at school that I took steroids.
Geoffrey: I apologize, Miss Ashley. I have acted like an utter fool.
Ashley: That's all right, Geoffrey. I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan in his locker before he would apologize.

Quote from Will

Will: Man. I ain't played ball that hard since I left Philly, man. Boy, that dude was no joke, man. I ain't never playing with him again. Why, he was pushing me around and shoving me and kicking me and all that stuff, man. Yo, dude was a monster.
Boy: Hey, I thought you wanted a rematch.
Will: Forget it, man. Go pick on somebody your own size.

Quote from Ashley

Ramon: Hi, Ashley.
Ashley: Hi, Ramon.
Ramon: Say, I've got a half peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket with your name on it.
Ashley: No, thanks.
Ramon: Wanna see my frog?
Ashley: I think I'll pass.
Ramon: Man, those lines kill on the jungle gym.

Quote from Will

Will: It's killing me how much you remind me of myself.
Ramon: Why? 'Cause we're both down with b-ball?
Will: Well, no, 'cause don't nobody want to see my frog neither.
Ramon: See, man, one day, Ashley's gonna be breaking down my door 'cause I'm gonna save up money for basketball camp. Next thing you know I'll be playing pro. You know my motto: keep your eyes on the prize.
Will: Hey, man, that's kinda similar to my motto: keep your hands on their thighs.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Oh, boy, what a day! I am exhausted.
Hilary: Daddy, for Monte Carlo Night you're going to be the croupier de toilette.
Philip: Great. What'll I do?
Hilary: You'll make sure that there's always toilet paper on the rolls.
Philip: It's great to know that all those years of law school are finally coming in handy.

Quote from Ashley

Will: Why should I have to go to this stupid country club if I don't want to? How Uncle Phil gonna play a nephew?
Ashley: How's Daddy gonna play a daughter? I can't believe he thinks I'm too young to gamble. I've been eating Hilary's cooking since I was three.

Quote from Philip

Will: Uncle Phil, man, you're-
Philip: Looking extremely fly. Thank you, Will. And, yes, you still have to go.
Ashley: Daddy, I'm really...
Philip: Gonna miss your daddykins? I know, Ashley. And, no, you still can't go.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: So, do I look like a blackjack dealer?
Hilary: You look great, Mother, but that's not how you wear a halter.
Vivian: It is when your breasts don't come with a receipt.

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