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‘Will's Christmas Show’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will's Christmas Show

213. Will's Christmas Show

Aired December 16, 1991

The extended Banks family heads to a ski lodge in Utah for Christmas. [Jenifer Lewis, Vernee Watson, Charlayne Woodard and Diedrich Bader guest star]

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, is that all you're taking for the entire Christmas vacation?
Will: No, man. These just my hair products.
Carlton: What about your ski clothes?
Will: Carlton, skiing is for White guys named Sven and O.J. Simpson.
Carlton: Will, you deprived product of the ghetto, skiing is an extremely exhilarating sport.
Will: What is exhilarating about strapping two sticks on your feet flying down a hill at 90 miles an hour and slamming into a tree? This is L.A., man, if I want to get my head cracked I can star in the next Rodney King video.

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Quote from Vy

Geoffrey: The real estate agent assured Mr. Banks that this cabin sleeps 15 people.
Vy: Well, there are 13 of us and only four beds. Now, I don't know how you do things in England but this family ain't that close.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Look, all I know is Lester and I have been saving up for this trip all year. We are not sleeping on the floor.
Lester: Baby, we're on vacation. Wherever we lie down, we aren't gonna be sleeping.
Aunt Helen: Lester, how many times I gotta tell you to cut down on that vitamin E? I am not a machine.
Lester: Well, I am. You gonna let me rock your world?
Vy: Get a grip on yourself, Lester.
Aunt Helen: Don't encourage him.

Quote from Vy

Vy: Well, Frank, how are you? It sure is good to see you.
Frank: Really? I thought you said, "Next time I see that White boy, I hope he's under a bus."
Vy: That was just a figure of speech. Come on, give big sister Vy a hug.
Will: You know, Mom, that was real sweet. Hey, somebody get an exorcist on the phone.

Quote from Will

Will: Here we are in the lovely state of Utah. Don't ask me why. The only Black people I've seen been in the Ray Charles Pepsi commercial.
Frank: You're kidding. Every time I turn around, I see a Black person.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: The creep even took the toilet paper. Don't ask me how I know.

Quote from Vy

Vy: Will! Hey! What is that under your nose?
Will: I'm sorry. It's my mustache, Mom. Yeah, I know, you hate it.
Vy: No, no, baby, it looks great. Everything is great. Even your Aunt Helen's mustache is great.
Will: Wait, hold it. "Everything is great"? Mom, you okay?
Vy: Baby, listen, these days I'm seeing life in a whole new, wonderful way. This cup is not half empty, it's half full.
Will: Is it half full of Scotch?

Quote from Aunt Helen

Lester: Come on, Phil. We got time to get a good two hours of skiing in before dinner.
Aunt Helen: Well, hold it right there, Jean-Claude. I hope you're planning to take some skiing lessons.
Lester: I don't need lessons. I know how to ski.
[cut to a pair of paramedics helping Lester back into the cabin with his leg in a cast:]
Paramedic: Just keep him comfortable.
Aunt Helen: Forget comfortable. He's lucky I'm keeping him at all. Don't ever scare me like that again.
Bobby: Daddy. When you were rolling down that big hill you looked just like Gumby.
Will: Yeah, Uncle Les. And you sounded like Patti LaBelle.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: So, so, so did you whiz in the tube?
Janice: Oh, it's upstairs. I'm afraid to look at it by myself. I want all of you guys to share this with me.
Aunt Helen: Come on, girl. This is a pregnancy test, not an order of nachos.

Quote from Will

[As Carlton dances:]
Hilary: Who could that be?
Will: Well, that's probably Donny and Marie coming over to borrow a cup of rhythm.

Quote from Will

Arnold: Hi. I'm Arnold Tish. My car broke down. Can I use your phone?
Carlton: Oh, sure.
Will: Whoa, whoa. Hold up a second, my man. [closes door]
Carlton: Will, why'd you do that?
Will: Carlton, you suburban twit, this guy's a stranger.
Hilary: Will, it is freezing outside. Let him in.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Unless he is on a mule with a pregnant virgin he ain't getting in here.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. Why don't we just try and get some sleep?
Vy: It's not quite that simple. There are only enough beds for seven of us, remember?
Aunt Helen: Well, I'm not sleeping with anyone but Lester. Except maybe Denzel Washington.
Philip: Look, I know how to settle this. Everybody who chipped in on renting this cabin gets a bed.
Will: Time out, time out. That means all the kids have to sleep on the floor.
Adults: [in unison] Works for me.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Will, I was really scared tonight.
Will: Yeah, Carlton, you're scared of zipper-fly jeans.
Carlton: Come on. I mean, weren't you scared, just a little bit?
Will: What, are you tripping, man? Scared? I was petrified, man. If Ashley hadn't slapped me, man, I might have screamed.
Carlton: I'll tell you one thing: What happened tonight made me realize how precious life is. And I promised myself that I would always make sure I let my family know how much I love them. So I just want to say I love you, Will. [Will is silent] Aren't you gonna say it back? [Will snores] I know how you feel, even if you won't say it. [sings] The road is long With many a winding turn that leads us to...
Ashley: If there is an ounce of decency left in you just tell him you love him.
Carlton: It's okay, Ash. [sings] Because we are family Hey hey hey yeah I got all my sisters--
Will: I love you, man. All right? I love you! I love you!
Carlton: I love you, too.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Lester: Hey, look what I found. A tea bag.
Will: Hey, it ain't a Belgian waffle but it'll do. Pass it around.
Vy: You know what? This reminds me of the Christmas that Mama got laid off from work and she brought us home those dolls, remember?
Vivian: Oh, yeah!
Janice: Oh, yeah.
Aunt Helen: Yeah, she couldn't afford their clothes, so she told us they were topless.

Quote from Philip

Philip: I remember one Christmas I wanted a set of drums so bad. Mama and Papa couldn't afford them so they set up the pots and pans like drums. I wailed on those things till suppertime. Then Mama had to take them apart so she could cook, you know?
Hilary: Does that mean you're gonna go out and make me a Miata?
Philip: No, sweetheart, but I am gonna give you a gift. This year, I'm going to give my family less of my money and more of myself.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: For my gift, I'm going to make sure that this family stays close. Seeing my family just once a year just isn't enough.
Lester: Well, I'm giving Helen my ears because sometimes what she says makes more sense than I give her credit for.
Aunt Helen: Well, I'm gonna try to speak softer so maybe I'll be easier to listen to.
Hilary: I'm going to try and be more like my aunts and my mother who are all warm wonderful, strong, Black women.

Quote from Ashley

Bobby: For my Christmas gift I'm gonna give Ashley a noogie.
Ashley: I am going to give Bobby five seconds before I ram that video game down his throat!

Quote from Vy

Frank: Well, you've already given me my gift. I've got Janice and I'm proud to be a part of this family.
Janice: And I am going to... throw up.
Aunt Helen: Oh, baby.
Will: Now, there's a gift for the person who has everything. Hey, I'm just gonna go check on her.
Vy: No, no, no, you don't. That's Frank's job. Come on, it's your turn.
Will: I guess my gift to you, Mom, is... Is me. Mama, you don't need that Robert.
Vy: Thanks, baby, but I already have one of you.
Will: I guess, then, I'm gonna try to be more understanding. Just don't come around here with no babies.
Vy: Oh, Will, you're my only baby.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Madam, sir, this family is as close to me as my very own. My gift to you will be a set of hand towels. I'm British. I'm no good at this mushy stuff.
Will: You ain't no good at picking Christmas gifts, neither.

Quote from Will

Carlton: [sings] Deck the slopes with babes in tight pants Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Carlton's gonna get some romance Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Will: [sings] No, you're not, 'cause you're too ugly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la They'll all be in my room, cute and snugly Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha ha ha

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