Carlton: Will, what are you doing in that tux?
Will: I'm going to the... um, the thing. Hey, man, I can say it to you. I'm going to the wedding, man.
Carlton: Great. Then you'll get to see my surprise. Since Aunt Janice is of the Negroid persuasion and Frank is of the Caucasoid persuasion, I've compiled a special medley of songs. Give a listen. [sings] Ebony and Ivory Live together in perfect harmony Because the world is black The world is white It turns by day And then by night Since she's got jungle fever He's got jungle fever They've got jungle fever We're in love. [talks] So what do you think?
Will: I think you were deprived of oxygen at birth.

Vivian: What are you doing down here in the dark?
Aunt Helen: Well, I couldn't find the lights in this bowling alley you call a kitchen.
Vivian: Well, I couldn't sleep, either. I hope this wedding doesn't turn into a disaster.
Aunt Helen: Now, look I don't care if Frank is Black, White, or candy-apple red. I've been on Slim-Fast for the last two weeks to fit into my dress. Now somebody's gonna marry somebody up in here. The hell with it. Start slicing up that ham.

Aunt Helen: Oh, my! Is this the Banks' house or Buckingham Palace? Hey, big sister Vy. You got a boyfriend yet? Now ain't no point in saving nothing these days. You hear what I'm saying?
Vivian: The whole neighborhood hears what you saying.
Philip: Helen, I see you still haven't come out of your shell.
Aunt Helen: Vivian, girl, you look good. And you've lost weight in all the right places. Philip, you look good. And you look good.

Hilary: Ugh, do I have to do everything myself?
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, the day you do everything for yourself will be the day I square-dance naked on the White House lawn.

Vivian: Gee, when Janice described him she didn't mention that he was... tall. Not that I have any problem with people who are... tall.
Lester: My cousin used to date a girl who was... tall.
Philip: Heck, the boys go to a predominantly... tall school.
Will: Am I alone in this, or didn't y'all notice he was White?

Vivian: Janice, why didn't you tell anybody about Frank?
Janice: I guess I was hoping no one would notice.
Aunt Helen: Honey, who'd you think you were bringing him home to? Stevie Wonder?

Janice: Well, I was afraid you wouldn't approve.
Vivian: Janice, you do not need our approval. Are you sure this is what you want to do?
Janice: Vivian, there's not a doubt in my mind.
Vivian: Then I guess I better pick up some Barry Manilow for the reception.

Aunt Helen: Look, I think there are a lot of fine young brothers out there just as good as Frank. But you can't control who you fall in love with. If he's still here in the morning, honey, I say marry him. Okay?

Vy: What's going on in here?
Aunt Helen: Uh-oh.
Vivian: Oh, we just thought we'd have a little snack before we went upstairs.
Vy: What's upstairs? The electric chair?

Man: Where do you want these?
Hilary: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Man: Lady, don't you know any other words?
Geoffrey: No.
Hilary: I'm sorry. Pea-green patio chairs? I don't think so. This is not a Ninja-Turtle wedding.