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‘Guess Who's Coming to Marry?’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Guess Who's Coming to Marry?

206. Guess Who's Coming to Marry?

Aired October 14, 1991

Vivian's youngest sister Janice (Charlayne Woodard) is getting married, and Vy (Vernee Watson) and Aunt Helen (Jenifer Lewis) are in town to attend the wedding.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Will, what are you doing in that tux?
Will: I'm going to the... um, the thing. Hey, man, I can say it to you. I'm going to the wedding, man.
Carlton: Great. Then you'll get to see my surprise. Since Aunt Janice is of the Negroid persuasion and Frank is of the Caucasoid persuasion, I've compiled a special medley of songs. Give a listen. [sings] Ebony and Ivory Live together in perfect harmony Because the world is black The world is white It turns by day And then by night Since she's got jungle fever He's got jungle fever They've got jungle fever We're in love. [talks] So what do you think?
Will: I think you were deprived of oxygen at birth.

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Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: What are you doing down here in the dark?
Aunt Helen: Well, I couldn't find the lights in this bowling alley you call a kitchen.
Vivian: Well, I couldn't sleep, either. I hope this wedding doesn't turn into a disaster.
Aunt Helen: Now, look I don't care if Frank is Black, White, or candy-apple red. I've been on Slim-Fast for the last two weeks to fit into my dress. Now somebody's gonna marry somebody up in here. The hell with it. Start slicing up that ham.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Oh, my! Is this the Banks' house or Buckingham Palace? Hey, big sister Vy. You got a boyfriend yet? Now ain't no point in saving nothing these days. You hear what I'm saying?
Vivian: The whole neighborhood hears what you saying.
Philip: Helen, I see you still haven't come out of your shell.
Aunt Helen: Vivian, girl, you look good. And you've lost weight in all the right places. Philip, you look good. And you look good.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Ugh, do I have to do everything myself?
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, the day you do everything for yourself will be the day I square-dance naked on the White House lawn.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Gee, when Janice described him she didn't mention that he was... tall. Not that I have any problem with people who are... tall.
Lester: My cousin used to date a girl who was... tall.
Philip: Heck, the boys go to a predominantly... tall school.
Will: Am I alone in this, or didn't y'all notice he was White?

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: Janice, why didn't you tell anybody about Frank?
Janice: I guess I was hoping no one would notice.
Aunt Helen: Honey, who'd you think you were bringing him home to? Stevie Wonder?

Quote from Vivian

Janice: Well, I was afraid you wouldn't approve.
Vivian: Janice, you do not need our approval. Are you sure this is what you want to do?
Janice: Vivian, there's not a doubt in my mind.
Vivian: Then I guess I better pick up some Barry Manilow for the reception.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Look, I think there are a lot of fine young brothers out there just as good as Frank. But you can't control who you fall in love with. If he's still here in the morning, honey, I say marry him. Okay?

Quote from Vy

Vy: What's going on in here?
Aunt Helen: Uh-oh.
Vivian: Oh, we just thought we'd have a little snack before we went upstairs.
Vy: What's upstairs? The electric chair?

Quote from Hilary

Man: Where do you want these?
Hilary: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Man: Lady, don't you know any other words?
Geoffrey: No.
Hilary: I'm sorry. Pea-green patio chairs? I don't think so. This is not a Ninja-Turtle wedding.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Do we have a safety deposit box? I wanna hide my things before Aunt Helen and Uncle Lester get here with Bobby.
Vivian: Oh, Ashley, your cousin Bobby is not that bad.
Ashley: Mom, last time he came here he pulled off Barbie's arm and burnt down her Dream House.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Janice: Ha!
Aunt Helen: Oh, look at the size of this rock.
Vy: Oh, Gibraltar is a mole hill.
Janice: Right. Later on this afternoon, you ladies can go skating on it.
Vivian: Well, isn't this something? The Smith sisters are together again.
Janice: Yes, we are.
Vivian: The good, the bad, and the--
Aunt Helen: Don't even try it.

Quote from Will

Carlton: You need a pedicure.
Will: Yeah, I would crack on your feet, but they don't reach all the way up here.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: All right, Bobby. Sit and stay. Carlton, it's your shift. I'm going to get my tubes tied.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: Girl, this family has sure had its share of surprises. Do you remember the last reunion when Uncle Rubin came out of the closet?
Aunt Helen: How could I forget? He came out wearing my purple-leather suit.
Janice: I guess you guys couldn't sleep, either?
Vivian: Oh, Janice, what are you doing up? Tomorrow's your big day.
Janice: Yeah, right. Looks like I caused a big mess, as usual.
Vivian: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. You don't always cause a big mess.
Aunt Helen: Yes, she does. She's the one that told Uncle Rubin he looked good in purple.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: Oh, come on, Vy. Come on. Sit down with us and have a snack.
Vy: No, that's all right. I know you really don't want me to.
Vivian: Of course we do. Don't we?
Aunt Helen: Uh-huh. [eats] Come on, sit down, Vy.
Vivian: So here we are together again. The Smith sisters. Loud, live, and in color.
Aunt Helen: More like quiet, evil, and colored.

Quote from Vy

Vy: Damn it. Janice, you should have told me he was White.
Aunt Helen: Uh-oh. Clear the table. I think she's gonna blow.
Janice: Vy, I am sick to death of your attitude. Now if you don't want to be here, just leave. I mean, if you don't want me to marry Frank, so who cares?
Vy: Baby, don't you have enough problems being an African-American woman? You need a white husband to further complicate things? What about Frank? This isn't gonna make his life any easier. Have you thought about that? You thought about your children? Or the jobs or friends you may lose because some bigot fails to see the beauty in your marriage? Honey, I did not make the rules, but I do know how to play the game. For survival, Janice, please don't marry this man.
Janice: Vy, Frank and I are aware of everything you just said and we can handle it, sis.
Vy: You are making a terrible, terrible mistake. [exits]
Aunt Helen: Well, I guess she'll be on the first broom back to Philly.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, yo, Frank, what you doing, man?
Frank Schaeffer: Oh, just trying to get some color.
Will: It's going great, man. For a second there, I thought you was Wesley Snipes.

Quote from Will

Vy: Will, I already told you, you're not going to that wedding.
Will: Well, come on. Look, Mom, I have to go. I can't disappoint Aunt J.
Vy: Aunt J? Boy, I'm the one you should be worrying about disappointing.
Will: Look, Mom. Mom, I think I'm old enough to make this decision for myself.
Vy: Oh. Now you, too. Why, I raise you, your Aunt Vivian, Aunt Helen, and your Aunt J. Now, all of a sudden, everybody knows more than me.
Will: Look, Mom. What you feel about Frank, I mean, it might be cool for you. But that's not cool for Aunt Janice.
Vy: I sacrificed a lot for Janice and it's quite obvious that she doesn't respect me anymore. Which also means she doesn't care about me anymore. Well, that's fine, because I don't care about her, either.
Will: Mom, what are you saying? What? Everybody that loves you got to do exactly what you say? I mean, what if I don't choose the college that you want or I don't choose the profession you want, or don't live in the city that you want? What? You gonna stop loving me, too? Look, Mom, I hope not, 'cause, look, I really love you. I really, really love you, Mom, but I'm going to the... to the thing. If I can just make it to that door.

Quote from Vy

Frank Schaeffer: May our love burn as bright as this candle.
Janice: May its flame burn eternally in our hearts.
Reverend White: If there is anyone who thinks that Janice and Frank should not be joined together in holy matrimony let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
[As Vy steps out of the house, everyone looks back]
Aunt Helen: Oh, Lord, have mercy.
Vy: Why are you all looking at me? Reverend, go on with the ceremony. We are paying you by the hour.

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