Philip: Well, sweetie, how does it feel to be almost 12?
Ashley: Dad, as you get older, birthdays have less and less significance. You know, I really stopped counting at 10.

Geoffrey: Hi, kids. I'm Tidy the Clown. We are going to play a new game. It's called Clean Up After Your Spoiled Little Selves.

Little T: Oh, come on. You mean this is the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?
Ashley: I guess not.
Little T: Well, what was?
Ashley: I can't tell you. It's too embarrassing.
Little T: Well, I'll tell you my most embarrassing moment. I was dressing for gym class during a fire drill and I had to run out of the building in my drawers.
Ashley: Okay, okay, I'll tell you mine. It was the Honor Day assembly, right? I was sitting with my legs crossed for the whole time. And when they called my name for the English award, I stood up and started across the stage, only my leg was asleep. And then, thwap! I fell flat on my face. You know, come to think of it, most of my embarrassing moments involve me hitting the floor.

Will: I'm telling you, Uncle Phil, he kissed her right on her mouth.
Carlton: It was really more on the cheek.
Will: Yeah, but he was aiming for her mouth and he missed. The kid is not only aggressive, but inaccurate, and that's a dangerous combination.
Philip: You guys are getting all worked up over nothing. He's just a 13-year-old boy.
Will: Uncle Phil, you don't understand. This is serious. I know what goes on in the mind of a 13-year-old boy.
Philip: Considering you still have the mind of a 13-year-old boy.

Ashley: Look. Now, this is a really good picture of him.
Carlton: Who's he?
Ashley: His name is Little T.
Will: Yeah, you know, that kid singer.
Ashley: He's not just a kid singer. He's the coolest, cutest guy in the universe.
Carlton: Some would beg to differ.
Ashley: I've been reading all about him. Listen to this: "He loves video games, cheeseburgers, and basketball. He hates rainy days, anchovies, and phony people." He is so deep.
Will: You're telling me. He likes all the same stuff I like.

Vivian: Carlton, what are you talking about?
Carlton: I just don't think it's healthy that Ashley's so boy crazy. I mean, shouldn't she be playing with those toy ponies with the pink hair?
Philip: Carlton, it's just puppy love. Don't you remember your first crush?
Carlton: Yeah. It was Tootie in The Facts of Life.
Will: Wait. You had a love thing for Tootie? When did you get over it?
Carlton: What do you mean "get over it"? I'd still love to meet her someday. I wonder what I'd say.
Will: How about, "Hello, Tootie, I'm Fruity"?
Carlton: Just because you've never been in love.

Little T: Are you feeling better?
Ashley: I can't believe I just did that. This is so embarrassing.
Little T: It's not so bad.
Ashley: Come on. I've always been planning on things to say if I got a chance to meet you. Then I finally meet you, and I don't even make a sound.
Little T: Well, I don't know about that. You made a pretty good thud when you hit the ground.
Ashley: Did I really? Oh, God, I can't even faint right.

Vivian: Would you like a sandwich?
Hilary: No, thanks, Mom. I'm just too excited. I can never eat before a big date. Do I look okay?
Vivian: Hilary, it's not even your date. It's Ashley's date.
Hilary: Yeah, but still, do I look okay?
Vivian: Hilary, baby, calm down.
Hilary: I'm sorry, Mom, but it's just this is the most exciting day in a girl's life. I mean, it's Ashley's first date. And it's with a celebrity. It is so gratifying to see her developing the right values.

Vivian: Ashley, sweetie, when you walked in from that date with that smile on your face. That's a moment I will always remember.
Ashley: That's nice, Mom.
Vivian: Could you go out and do it again, and I'll go get the camcorder?
Ashley: Mom.
Vivian: Okay, just asking. Good night.

Philip: My little princess. I cannot believe my little girl went out on a real date tonight.
Ashley: He's a really nice guy, Daddy.
Philip: I know, but there's something you should know, sweetheart.
Ashley: What?
Philip: I'm never gonna like anybody you bring home.
Ashley: Well, that's awfully fair of you.
Philip: No, it's not that they're not good. It's just that nobody is good enough for you.
Ashley: Good night, Daddy.