Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘PSAT Pstory’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: PSAT Pstory

204. PSAT Pstory

Aired September 30, 1991

Carlton is dismayed when Will scores higher than him on the PSAT. Meanwhile, Geoffrey quits after being offered a paltry pay rise.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: My life is over. I'll be expelled. They'll send me away. I'll have to get a Jheri curl and a tattoo. I'll be subjected to over-crowding, bad food and daily threats of personal violence.
Will: Carlton, I don't think they'll send you to prison for cheating on a test.
Carlton: I'm not talking about prison. I'm talking about public school.

Rate

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: In light of your exemplary service over this past year, I'd like to offer you an additional $20 a week.
Geoffrey: I'm sorry? I thought you said $20 per week.
Philip: I did.
Geoffrey: Very well. Dinner at 7:00 as usual, sir? [Vivian pinches Phil's arm]
Philip: Ow. Of course that's not all, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Of course not, sir. I really didn't think so.
Philip: Why don't you treat yourself to a new uniform, on me.
Geoffrey: Thank you, sir, you're most kind. And with my newfound wealth... I can treat myself to a Happy Meal.

Quote from Carlton

Hilary: Carlton, will you quit?
Carlton: Quit: from the Latin, quietare, to be at rest or satisfied.
Hilary: He's been doing this all morning. It's really irritating.
Carlton: Irritate: from the Latin, irritare, to excite or stimulate.
Vivian: Okay, Carlton, that's enough.
Philip: Vivian, his PSATs are this morning. He's just trying to be prepared.
Carlton: Prepare: from the Latin, praeparare, to make ready.
Philip: Carlton, shut up.
Hilary: Shut up: from the big guy, your father.

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: Geoffrey, since you quit, Philip and I have been doing a lot of talking-
Geoffrey: I might as well tell you right now I won't come back for a penny less than $80 more per week.
Vivian: We'll give you $100 a week.
Geoffrey: Oh, thank you. That's most generous. But there is one more thing.
Vivian: Oh, of course there would be some perks, Geoffrey. An extra week's vacation, alternate weekends off, two nights a week off, and extra help for parties.
Geoffrey: Thank you. But that wasn't it.
Hilary: What do you want? A car? A StairMaster? A fax machine? What?
Philip: I think I know what it is that Geoffrey wants and he deserves it. Geoffrey, I apologize for taking you for granted.
Geoffrey: Thank you, sir. That's all I require. Unless you'd be willing to consider a full-time cook? Preferably Jamaican, with an incredible set of... cookware.
Vivian: You're pushing it, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: It was worth a try. I'll get my things.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Vivian, Hilary's going to fix us a lovely meal.
Hilary: Well, Mama Celeste and Uncle Ben do deserve some credit.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Now, look, Carlton, there's a lot of things that you do better than me.
Carlton: Like what?
Will: I don't know, Carlton, you get straight A's. And posture, you got great posture. And you tie a tie real good.
Carlton: True. I am a much better dresser than you. And I speak better, and I drive better, and people definitely like me a whole lot more.
Will: Looks like my work's done here. Good night, Carlton.
Carlton: And my manners are vastly superior to yours. And when it comes to personal hygiene, God knows, there's no comparison.
Carlton: You know, Carlton, there's one other thing you do great, man.
Will: There is? What? You irritate the hell out of me! Now, get out of my room!
Carlton: Thanks, Will.

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: Philip, Geoffrey's annual raise is coming up and I think we should discuss it.
Philip: Oh, we won't bring it up until he does.
Geoffrey: Madam, sir. I have just taken the liberty of rotating your tires, re-grouting the pool and drawing up plans for a small gazebo. I hope it is to your satisfaction.
Vivian: I think he just brought it up.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Come on, Will, we better get going. I want to get there early so I can get my pick of the pencils.
Philip: Before you go, son, I have a little surprise for you. It's my old Princeton sweatshirt. I was gonna save it until you went off to college, but I thought you might like to have it today.
Carlton: Dad, I don't know what to say. This means so much to me. I'll wear it for good luck.
Will: Or you could throw it up in the air and cover that big hole in the ozone.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: That grocery store was a snake pit. I almost got thrown out of the express line for being one item over the limit. You'd be surprised how fast you can eat a sponge cake when you have to.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Admit it, Will, I beat you in gym.
Will: Okay, fine, Carlton, you got your shorts on way faster than me.
Carlton: Right.
Will: Of course, yours have a lot shorter distance to travel.

Quote from Geoffrey

Cecil: Oh, by the way, did I tell you, the Crandolfs have expanded my wing? The spa is really quite lovely.
Geoffrey: Well, I have a Jacuzzi.
Cecil: Oh, you mean those foaming bath tablets they gave you last Christmas?
Geoffrey: They're quite exhilarating if you sit directly on them.
Cecil: Oh, and did I mention that the Crandolfs have installed a wonderful new home-entertainment center for me?
Geoffrey: You know, the Banks have just given me a fabulous new television set with quadraphonic sound, remote control and a satellite dish.
Will: Hey, yo, G. Can I borrow your new TV, man?
Geoffrey: Certainly, Master William, it's in my suite.
Will: [opens drawer] No, it ain't, G. [pulls out hand-held TV] It's right here.

Quote from Will

Carlton: I'm studying all weekend.
Will: Carlton, that is not normal, man. What kind of fool works night and day?
Philip: Boy, do I have a lot of work to do this weekend.
Will: Hey, Uncle Phil. Like I was saying, Carlton, a wise man knows the value of hard work.
Carlton: Look, Dad, I just went through my practice PSAT test again. I just shaved seven seconds off my time.
Will: Whoa, Nelly. Very good, Carlton. You're gonna get a gold star on your chart right next to "put away toys" and "stay dry through the night."

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Daddy, Geoffrey wouldn't just quit. What did you do to him?
Hilary: Ashley, I'm just glad you didn't have to see him leave. There was a tear in his eye as he walked down the driveway, took one last look at us, and gave a sad little wave.
Will: And fortunately you're too young to know what he was waving.
Ashley: I can't wait to be grown up.

Quote from Carlton

Vivian: Carlton, baby, would you put the mustard in the refrigerator, please?
Carlton: I know what you're implying. You don't think I can cut the mustard, do you? You think I'm not as smart as Will. You think just because he did better on the exam that he's a better person.
Vivian: Sweetheart, that's ridiculous.
Ashley: Carlton, now Will's just teasing. We all think you did really good.
Carlton: Good? Good? That's just another way of saying I stink, isn't it? Well, maybe I have hit a little slump, but I'm sure even Albert Einstein had a bad day.
Hilary: God knows he never combed his hair.
Carlton: The point is other great minds have faced adversity and it made them all the better. And l, too, shall overcome.

Quote from Will

Will: Would you hold it together, Carlton? Look, man, I'll get you through this.
Carlton: But I tried to cheat off your paper. What's in it for you?
Will: Well, until someone proves otherwise, you are my cousin, man.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: That was pretty good, Vivian. Of course, I might have given in on the Jamaican cook.
Vivian: Um, let's get one thing straight here, I wear the cookware in this house.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Busy, Will?
Will: Well, I was about to jet to the Riviera with Whitney Houston but since I'm grounded, I guess I can spare five or six months.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, I'm sorry I got you into trouble.
Will: Hey, forget it, man. I shouldn't have been ranking you on your test scores in the first place.
Carlton: Why not? You had a right to gloat. I would have. In fact, I would have gloated better than you did. Ten times better.
Will: Carlton, please, come on, man. This competition thing has got to stop. All right? You a smart dude. You don't need a test to tell you that.
Carlton: Yes, I do.
Will: Carlton, look, I beat you by one stinking lousy point. I mean that's just because I'm down with this math thing. Hey, you stomped me on the verbal section. You're a lot more...
Carlton: Articulate, eloquent, erudite?
Will: No, wordy.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Another crumpet, Cecil?
Cecil: Perhaps just one. My compliments to your cook.
Geoffrey: Actually, I baked them myself.
Cecil: [laughs] Oh, you don't say? A butler having to do the baking? [laughs] I'm sorry, it's just a butler having to cook is rather like a butler having to clean.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Yo, what's up, the butler posse? Yo, C, you looking buffed, man. What, you been pumping iron?
Cecil: I do what I can, homes.
Geoffrey: Care to join us in a spot of tea and crumpets, Master William?
Will: No, that's all right, I'm driving later, man. Y'all go ahead and get busy without me. None of that sniffing furniture polish, all right? Just say no. [exits]
Cecil: Thank goodness the Crandolfs only have poodles.
Geoffrey: At least I don't have to follow him around with a pooper-scooper.

Page 2 


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode