Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Donna: Jackie, have you realized who fits every single thing on your list?
Jackie: Yeah, Elton John! And I think he's single, 'cause you never see him out with a girl.

Kitty: Muffler Master isn't going to drive you out of town.
Red: They're a big chain. They're always throwing their weight around, crushing anything smaller than themselves. They're like Bob at a Cub Scout pancake breakfast.
Kitty: Well, they are just a faceless corporation. You have something they don't. A friendly smiling face behind the counter.
Bob: When did you hire a new guy?

Bob: Red, I just heard some bad news, I ran over to tell you.
Red: Bob, you live next door, why are you panting?
Bob: I was going against the wind.