Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Kelso: Oh, I'm so psyched, man, I got this, like, four-foot bottle rocket and I'm gonna, like, tie it to my arm and light it and just blast into the future!

Donna: No, this has been really hard. And this celibacy thing was my idea, so... I need to accept some responsibility for the odd and disgusting things you do.
Eric: That's right, you do.
Donna: But, you know, next time, be like a normal person. Go to your room, lock the door, light some candles, put on some Al Green and make an evening of it.
Eric: Wow, Donna, that was really detailed. [chuckles] It's almost like... Oh, my God! You do it, too!
Donna: What?
Eric: No, no! I'd noticed the candles getting lower, even though I'd never seen them lit!
Donna: All right, this conversation is over! [exits]
Eric: Wow. So, this is where it all happens. [takes candle]

Hyde: [inner monologue] Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Jackie: [inner monologue] Please look at me. Hey! Psst. I love you, Steven. I have secret love powers. Look at me!
Donna: [inner monologue] Hmm. I have 29 teeth. No, that can't be right. One, two, three-
Fez: [inner monologue] Jackie's in love with Hyde, and I have nothing. Oh, look. I found an M&M. [eats] Oh, no.
Eric: [inner monologue] My life sucks. Okay, I really hope no one smelled that.
Kelso: [inner monologue] All right! I'm the best-looking person in this room. No. In this whole town. No! No, in this whole state. No.
Red: [inner monologue] Dumbasses.

[Kitty walks in on Donna and Randy kissing]
Kitty: [enters] Oh, my God! In Eric's bedroom? You two-timing whore!

Eric: You know what? That's it. I'm going. I'll just show up in California and, like, blow her mind. Yeah. I mean when the Empire killed Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, did he just call 'em up?
Fez: Oh, God.
Hyde: Oh.
Eric: No. He hopped on the Millennium FaIcon and he paid a little visit to the Death Star.

Jackie: Michael, you should have gotten the room with the bathroom. You earned it by being born better looking.
Kelso: Oh, well, I could have had it, but Fez said that there were evil spirits in there, so I made him take it. Sucker.
Hyde: Man, I can't believe you fell for that. Especially after that time he told you evil spirits lived in that hot dog and then you gave him that.
Kelso: Wait, are you saying he's tricking me?
Jackie: Foreigners always lie. That's how the Indians tricked us into buying New Mexico.