Fez: Eric, I cannot thank you enough for lending me your girlfriend. It feels so good to be in a normal, healthy relationship.
Eric: Fez, it's a fake, pretend relationship.
Fez: You say tomato, I say tomato.
Eric: Fez, "to-mah-to."
Fez: What?
Eric: You say "to-mah-to."
Fez: Why would I say "to-mah-to"? That's not even a word, dummy.
Eric: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Fez: It's okay, Eric. Different strokes for different strokes.
Eric: Right.

Fez: Guys, who's Harry Truman?
Kelso: He invented electricity, dumbass.

Donna: [to Kitty] Well, I'm sure Eric and I will be able to talk about this like we talk about everything, because that's what you do. In an open, mature relationship, you face things head on.
Eric: [enters] Oh, God!
Donna: Dirty! [runs out]

Kitty: So, how's it going?
Red: Real good. The foreign kid just ate something off the floor.
Kitty: Okay, well, um- Your father's gonna drive me to work.
Red: That's right. And if you do anything wrong, I'll know because one of you is a snitch. You just think about that while I'm gone.
Kitty: Well, they're not gonna do anything wrong because I brought a box of activities to occupy their time. [laughs] So, um, be good and have fun. Do crafts, not drugs! [both exit]
Fez: Ooh, a model airplane and glue.
[Red returns and takes the glue away from Fez]

Eric: Oh, Mom. Oh, my god, Mom. I had her in my sights. I mean, she was right in the cross hairs.
Kitty: Oh, honey... You know I love you and your sister equally. But if you ever get an opportunity again, for God's sake, pull the trigger.

Eric: So... This is what it's like to not be a virgin.
Donna: Yeah. So... Hmm. How are you?
Eric: Good. How are you?
Donna: Good, good.
Eric: Good. It was good. Right?
Donna: I can honestly say the best I've ever had. Was I good?
Eric: Were you good? Donna, you know how my mom's all over my back to write "thank you" notes, and I never do? Well... Trust me. You're getting a thank you note.

Jackie: Okay, Michael, I want you to take me to the movies today.
Kelso: I'm way ahead of you, Jackie. 2:00, Smokey and the Bandit.
Jackie: No. No, no, no. I told you. I don't want to see that again. I don't like the South.