Red: Okay, get under the sink and loosen that disposal so we can get to the pipes.
Eric: Under there? But it's all spidery.
Red: Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass.

Red: Well, if it isn't my son, the vandal. You know, I ought to vandalize your ass with my foot.

Kitty: Eric. Your father and I have noticed that you've been acting very strange lately.
Red: Like a hippie.
Kitty: Is there something you want to tell us?
Red: Are you on dope? Are you?
Kitty: Because- Because we can help you get clean. There's counseling, hospitalization-
Red: My foot kicking your ass.

Eric: I don't know why she's so mad.
Red: Well, you'll often find, as you go through life, that when you try to turn your girlfriend into a prostitute, she gets cranky.
Eric: Okay, but, Dad, passing PE is all that's standing between me and the rest of my life.
Red: You're lucky this table is standing between my foot and your ass.

[As they eat breakfast at the kitchen table, Eric and Red both stick their fork in the last waffle]
Eric: Hey. L'Eggo my Eggo.
Red: Hey. L'Eggo my foot in your ass.

Red: What the hell are you doing?
Hyde: What?
Red: It's your first day on the job and you're drinking? This is not summer camp, you know.
Hyde: There's drinking at summer camp?
Red: Look, if you're not responsible enough to handle yourself, then obviously I made a big mistake. I hope there's another job out there for you because you're fired.
Hyde: My dad told you he offered me a job, didn't he?
Red: What? No. What?
Hyde: 'Cause I've heard you fire a lot of people, and I've never heard you saying, "I hope there's another job out there for you." You say, "I hope my foot doesn't get stuck in your ass." Or, "Don't let my foot get stuck in your ass on the way out the door." Or the classic, "I'm gonna stick my foot in your ass."
Red: Listen, get out of here.
Hyde: Thanks, Red.

Red: In here I built a whole workbench against this wall so there is plenty of space for all your tools.
Man: Actually I was thinking I could turn it into a yoga studio.
Red: Really, and I was thinking I could turn your ass into my foot studio.

Red: Yeah, well, you're gonna need a place to live now that we're moving to Florida.
Kitty: Boy. It's gonna be strange selling the house.
Red: That's true. Plenty of warm memories.
[montage of Red's "foot in ass" rants]
Hyde: Did you ever actually do that with your foot?
Red: Once. On Iwo Jima. I can't talk about it.

Kitty: I am making this space my tai chi area.
Red: So, you're going to be out here, and I'll be in there alone? I love tai chi. Eric, I got a job for you. Go grab some cement and secure that Bob statue.
Eric: Okay, if that's a job, then how much does that pay?
Red: It pays my foot not going in your ass.
Eric: So it's on credit, then. Good.

Bob: And then I told Donna she was grounded, and she said no.
Kitty: She said no?
Eric: Can you do that?
Red: No.
Bob: I need your help, Red. I gotta get Donna away from that guy.
Eric: Oh, Dad, you know what's good? Threaten her with the old foot in the ass.