Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Hyde: So you grew up with Fez, huh? You know, we've been wondering something for a long time. Where the hell are you guys from?
Fez: Um, isn't it obvious?
Donna: Okay, just tell us what's the name of your country?
Andrew Davis: Well, that depends on whether you ask the British or the Dutch.
Hyde: Okay, so what if we ask the British?
Andrew Davis: Oh, no, no, no, no! They wouldn't tell you. They hate us.
Hyde: So, what if we ask the Dutch?
Fez: Oh, who can understand a word they say?

Kitty: Okay, well, the house is all set. Mr. and Mrs. Dubois should be here any minute.
Red: Dubois? Kitty, I don't want Germans moving in here!
Kitty: I think they're French.
Red: Yes, and if they buy the house, they'll give it up to the first German who knocks at the door.
Kitty: Okay, well, I have to get to work. Are you sure you can show this house by yourself?
Red: Kitty, I showed a Japanese soldier the inside of his own stomach, I think I can show a house.

Jackie: Hey, Steven, what are you doing?
Hyde: I'm painting this model I just finished. I have a lot more free time now that I quit the circle.
Jackie: What, you quit the circle? What are you, high?
Hyde: I don't do that any more, Jackie. I don't need to. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go for a jog. Oh, and if you see Mrs. Forman, can you let her know that I'll be making the salad tonight?