Donna: Go for it, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, we'll throw a party. Gonna charge $2 a head.
Kelso: $2 a head. A keg is equivalent to seven cases, that's 168 beers. If we each drink three beers a piece-
Hyde: No way, sophomores gonna drink one.
Kelso: True.
Hyde: Yeah, and the freshmen will only drink a half.
Kelso: So that averages out to 1.5 beers per person which means we can invite 112 people. That's $224.
Hyde: Cash.
Kelso: Which is decent.

Kelso: Oh, I'm so psyched, man, I got this, like, four-foot bottle rocket and I'm gonna, like, tie it to my arm and light it and just blast into the future!

Hyde: Where the hell is Forman, man? This isn't like him.
Kelso: I'm really starting to get worried. I mean, what if something happened to him?
Hyde: Nothing happened to him.
Kelso: What if he's lost or hurt somewhere?
Hyde: Calm down, Lassie, I'm sure Timmy's just fine.
Kelso: Maybe we should check the school morgue.
Hyde: Kelso, the school doesn't have a morgue.
Kelso: Then what do we pay all those taxes for?
Hyde: You know what kills me? You do better in school than I do.

Jackie: I don't believe you, Michael.
Kelso: What?
Jackie: You can't just maul me in front of my father.
Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie: He yelled at you to stop it.
Kelso: Oh. [chuckles] I thought he was talking to you.

Jackie: Well, I have a date, too.
Kelso: Who is it? What's his name?
Jackie: His name is... not important. What's important is, he's better than you in every conceivable way.
Kelso: Damn, Jackie, that could be anybody!

Kelso: Oh! No, no, I know. There's this new club that opened in Chicago. It's supposed to be like, like, the hottest spot this side of Studio 54.
Donna: My God, you guys, that's perfect.
Jackie: No, no, Michael, we can't go. My parents are gonna be out late tonight, and... We have to study.
Kelso: Study? Aw, what a gyp. I'm going to the club.
Jackie: No. No, no, Michael, you're coming over to my house tonight and we're gonna... "Study."
Kelso: Fine. I never get to do anything fun.
Hyde: My, God, you're dumb.
Kelso: I guess that's why I've gotta go study.

Hyde: Man, a beauty coach? What's goin' on with you?
Kelso: When Jackie wins this pageant, I am gonna be the guy with the hottest chick of all of the hot chicks.
Hyde: Yeah, Kelso, that's genius.
Kelso: Yeah, just picture it.
[fantasy:]
Bob Eubanks: And this year's Miss Dairy Princess is... Kelso's girlfriend!
Kelso: Yes! [giggles] Oh, thank you! Thank you. Thank you, Bob Eubanks.
Bob Eubanks: Mr. Kelso, now that you've been crowned, what's going to be your first order of business?
Kelso: Well, as Mr. Dairy Princess, I would like to give milk products to all of those in need. And then someday, I would like to rule an entire hot chick dairy kingdom! Settle down, girls. There's plenty of me to go around here.

Kelso: Think we'll see any bears? I'd love to kill a bear.
Red: You can't shoot a bear, it's deer season. You shoot a bear, you get fined, you go to jail.
Kelso: No, I'll just say it was self-defense. Who is the jury gonna believe, me or a dead bear?
All: A dead bear.

Donna: Hey, Kelso, eat that.
Kelso: All right. Green Jell-O. Hey, Jackie, try some. I heard green stuff makes you horny.
Jackie: Michael, that only works with green M&M's, duh.
Kelso: Nuh-uh. It's everything green. Right, Donna?
Donna: Actually, Kelso, you know what really makes you horny? Beets.
Kelso: Yeah, right.
Eric: No, it's true. I saw it on 60 Minutes, man. Beet farmers with, like, 10, 15 kids.
Kelso: Man, how's come everything good for you always tastes so bad. I'm trying it.

Kelso: Man, I can't believe Jackie chose that guy over me.
Fez: Or me for that matter.
Kelso: Yeah, that's true. 'Cause you're a good-looking guy.
Fez: Back at you, Kelso. Your eyelashes, they go for, like, miles.
Kelso: I've heard that. Yeah. I'm what's known as "man-pretty."