Eric: This is freaky, man. Red hasn't said anything about the stash, which can only mean he's gone to the much-feared stage: beyond yelling. He's gone Darth Vader, man.
Kelso: Or instead of Red snagging you, maybe you snagged Red dipping into Hyde's stash. I'm just sayin', everyone's tryin' it.
[fantasy: circle:]
Hyde: I guess Kelso's right. Everyone is trying it.
Red: I'm telling you, this stuff isn't just for cakes. It's great all by itself. [squirts cream into mouth] Mmm! Wait, wait. Watch this. [squirts cream onto head] Look at me. I'm Whipped-cream Head! Fear me! All fear Whipped-cream Head! [sinister laugh] Mmm!
[reality:]
Eric: Kelso, that was delightful. But the only part you left out is where Red kills me!

Kelso: Red. Hey. You're wondering why I'm going through your stuff. Okay. That's... See, I needed, uh... to borrow your saw... because I need to chop down a tree. Because there's something stuck in it. An animal. A rabbit. There's a rabbit stuck in a tree. And I want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.
Red: Kelso, rabbits don't- How the hell did a rabbit get up a tree?
[Eric and Donna sneak into the garage as Red and Kelso stand on the drive]
Kelso: Uh, Eric threw it up there.
Red: Eric threw a rabbit up a tree?
Kelso: Yeah. He's a sadistic bastard. You know he hit a cow?

Eric: What's with the gun, Trigger?
Kelso: Oh, will you relax, Eric? It's not a gun. It's a BB gun. Yeah, I lost it when I was, like, 10, and I found it this morning buried in my backyard.
Donna: Why were you digging in your backyard?
Kelso: Uh, dinosaurs. Watch the news, Donna.

Kelso: You guys, how bad is it? Is Hyde gonna be a cyclops?
Eric: Kelso, what were you thinking? I mean, did you shoot him on purpose?
Kelso: No! The gun went off on accident!
Eric: Well, he kinda thinks you did.
Kelso: How could I? I mean, yeah, I was mad. But I didn't... I don't know. Maybe I did it accidentally on purpose.
Donna: You mean subconsciously?
Kelso: No, I was definitely awake the whole time.

[circle:]
Fez: So then I said, "No party, no pooper!" Because he wouldn't have a party.
Jackie: See, I think it's stupid that Eric and Donna need to practice being married. I mean, it's simple. The woman just needs to be a cook in the kitchen a maid in the living room, and an acrobat in the bedroom. And I can hire a cook and a maid.
Hyde: I am liking you more and more.
Kelso: You know, I was thinking about The Incredible Hulk. I like that show. Especially the part where he gets all, like, mad and turns green and then his shirt rips off. But then I was thinking, like what if he was purple? And a lady? Come on. Like an angry, naked purple chick. That's better, right?
Red: [o.s.] What's going on down here? Why doesn't anybody ever go home?
[circle ends: Hyde sprays air freshener and Fez opens the door for a breeze as Red comes down the stairs]
Kelso: And then I realized, that's why they call it a clock radio.
All: Cause it's got both!

Fez: You know, I have been called many names since coming to this country, but I have never been treated like that before.
Kelso: Look, Fez unfortunately, there are some people in this world that are gonna judge you on the color of your skin or your funny accent, or that girlie little way you run. But you know what? You're not alone. Why do you think the Martians won't land here? 'Cause they're green, and they know people are gonna make fun of 'em.
Fez: You said it, brother. I just wish there were someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist.
Kelso: [chuckles] Well, that's Canada. Yup. Good old Canada. They don't make generalizations about people 'cause they're too busy playing hockey or getting drunk or putting maple syrup on their ham.

Kelso: [plays guitar and sings] Something touched me deep inside The day that Hyde died So bye-bye, Mr Steven Hyde I'm a hottie and you're nottie Jackie's gonna be mine She likes my brunette Likes not your curly ass twine Oh, Jackie Burkhart, you are so fine [talks] I wrote that just for you, Jackie.
Hyde: He didn't write that. He ripped it off from "American Pie."
Kelso: Nah-uh. The "American Pie" guy ripped me off.

Kelso: Okay, fine. I was at the Academy when the auditorium burnt down, but it totally wasn't my fault. See, I got there early to practice with my flare gun 'cause I wanted to show Brooke an actual B for a change.
Fez: Okay, so far, 0% your fault.
Kelso: All right, so I accidentally shot off a flare, and it went all... Like, right underneath the bleachers.
Hyde: Well, we've just jumped up to about 60% your fault.
Kelso: Okay, so then I shot off another flare at the first flare 'cause you know what they say. You've got to fight fire with fire.
Jackie: Yeah, this is now, like, 99% your fault.
Kelso: So then I shot off another flare to warn people about the fire. But that one just went right up and on the roof, and that's when I just got the hell out of there.

Kelso: Man, I can't believe I missed you falling out of the water tower. So, I'm at home, and I'm watching Scooby-Doo, and I think to myself, "You know what? "You should go and hang out with Hyde and Donna." And then I think, "No," because maybe Scooby and Shaggy found a real ghost this time. But it wasn't. It was just another crazy old guy.

Kelso: Okay, I think it's obvious what happened to Eric. We got an abandoned car, a flat tire and footprints heading off in that direction. Ms. Forman, your son's been kidnapped by coyotes.
Red: Isn't it more likely that he had a flat tire, couldn't change it himself and went off to find some help?
Kelso: And the coyotes got him along the way. Yeah, now you're thinking like a cop.