Angie Barnett: What is all this? What happened to the Soft Rock section?
Hyde: I put it in the alley. See, that way, if somebody comes in asking for Barry Manilow, I can send him outside and lock the door.

Kitty: Excuse me, Mr. Record Store Big Shot, I need some help. Where can I find something by Bette Midler?
Hyde: Well, we don't have any Bette Midler, but may I suggest something even better? Perhaps a little Sex Pistols?
Kitty: Sex Pistols? Well, that's terrible. Guns don't belong in the bedroom.
Hyde: They agree, and a lot of their songs are about just that. And they deliver their message with a smooth, mellow sound.
Kitty: So it's like easy listening.
Hyde: Well, they're not hard to hear.

Kitty: Steven, I can't believe you thought I'd like these Sex Pistols. I don't want anything this loud and crabby in my house if I'm not married to it.
Hyde: I'm sorry, Mrs. Forman. I'll make it up to you. Have you ever heard of a band called Judas Priest?
Kitty: Well, that's what Judas needed, a priest. Are they spiritual?
Hyde: I listen to them every Sunday.

Jackie: Hey, Steven, what are you doing?
Hyde: I'm painting this model I just finished. I have a lot more free time now that I quit the circle.
Jackie: What, you quit the circle? What are you, high?
Hyde: I don't do that any more, Jackie. I don't need to. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go for a jog. Oh, and if you see Mrs. Forman, can you let her know that I'll be making the salad tonight?

Hyde: I can't believe this. Who cares if Ford is coming?
Eric: It's better than when the Oscar Mayer Weenie Mobile drove through.
Donna: They didn't even stop. They just slowed down and threw a bunch of hot dog whistles at us.
Hyde: Two girls in a phallic RV. Driving around, handing out things you blow. [sighs] What a great country.

Eric: Guys, check this out. It looks just like when we were kids. And look, the wise-men gifts: gold, myrrh, and- [sniffs] Hyde, I think this one's yours.
Hyde: That'd be my baggie of frankincense.

Hyde: Eric. It is time.
Eric: Why don't you do it?
Hyde: It's your house.
Kelso: Your house.
Hyde: Listen to them up there. The party has reached critical mass. In 10 minutes, there will be no more beer opportunities.
Eric: If my dad catches me copping beers, he'll kill me.
Hyde: I'm willing to take that risk.
Kelso: Don't worry about it. Just remain calm, keep moving.
Donna: And above all, don't get sucked into my dad's hair.
Eric: What's wrong with your dad's hair?
Donna: Just don't look at it.
Hyde: And, Eric, cold. Definitely cold.

[on tape:]
Hyde: I'm saying, the earth is a farm.
Eric: That's brilliant.
Kelso: A farm.
Hyde: A farm put here by aliens, man. And we're the cattle.
Eric: We're cattle. [Kelso moos]
Hyde: And the government knows it. It's out there, man.
Eric: What is?
Hyde: The truth.
Kelso: What are you saying?
Hyde: Out there is the truth. The truth is out there, man.
Eric: That's seriously brilliant.
[Fez stops the tape]
Fez: See, you are all stupid.

Hyde: "With their sugar-coated ideals designed to anesthetize the ignorant masses. Why? So that the military/corporate branches can carry out world domination." All right, read that back to me.
Donna: Okay. [clears throat] [makes warbling sounds]
Hyde: You didn't get that?
Donna: All right, let's just use the encyclopedia.
Hyde: Oh, you just want to vomit up facts from an encyclopedia?
Donna: Yes.
Hyde: Okay, fine. You know what? Vomit away. I will not be a part of this, then.

[circle:]
Kelso: Tonight, I learned there's a price to be paid for doing it. She said, "forever," man. And I think she meant it.
Fez: The inside of my mouth feels like cotton. As if cotton was in my mouth.
Hyde: Kelso, man, women are like muffins, okay? And once you've had a muffin, man, you will put up with anything to have another muffin. And they know that. Now she really owns you, man.
Eric: Hyde, you sure know a lot about women. But, I mean, you've never really had a steady girlfriend. So, what's that all about?
Hyde: I'll tell you what that's all about, Forman. My mind is pure, man. I don't fall victim to the female race. I'm here, sans girlfriend, to help you guys out.
Fez: Then I have a question, Hyde. How much masturbation is too much?
Hyde: No such thing as too much, Fez.