Hyde: Look, that chick likes Red because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass. You? You're soft.
Donna & Kelso: How soft is he, Hyde?
Hyde: Softer than Liberace at the Playboy Mansion.
Kelso: Yeah! [laughs] 'Cause he plays piano. Wait. [Donna whispers in Kelso's ear] Oh, burn! [howling laugh]
Eric: You guys kill me.

Eric: So, Hyde, big job fair tomorrow. Oh, and you're in luck, 'cause I read that corporate America is experiencing a severe shortage of paranoid conspiracy nuts.
Hyde: I'm not a conspiracy nut, okay? My history, shop and gym teachers secretly started that rumor to discredit me.

Hyde: So it's just a sprain, huh?
Kelso: Yeah, it doesn't hurt too bad. I guess the best part is I've now fallen off the water tower in every grade.
Hyde: That record will stand until your son goes to school.

Hyde: Hey, Forman, I got you a plant for your new apartment, but, um, I can't give it to you in front of your parents.

Hyde: Just your luck, Forman. You're about to turn 18 and there's gonna be no hooch left in the house to steal. [Red and Kitty look at Hyde] I mean avoid. Do homework next to. Pray near. Come on!

Hyde: [siren wails] Whoa, it's the Five-O. Better go hide my stash. [off Kitty's look] Comic books. And comic book paraphernalia.

Red: Steven. When are you moving out?
Hyde: Soon.
Red: How's your girlfriend?
Hyde: Shallow as hell.
Red: Job?
Hyde: Dead-end.
Red: Future?
Hyde: Bleak.
Red: Kitty, feed the boy.

William Barnett: Hi, is this the Formans'?
Kitty: You know, I'm sorry, I told your friend last week, we don't want a subscription to Ebony magazine.
William Barnett: No, no, no, no. We spoke over the phone. I'm William Barnett. I'm Steven's father.
Kitty: Oh! I mean, come in, come in. Everybody, I want you to meet Steven's father. Steven, look.
Hyde: I'm looking.
William Barnett: It's good to meet you, Son. I've really been looking forward to this. I wanted to get you a card, but they don't have one for our unique situation. So, here. Happy First Communion.
Jackie: Wow. You came from him?
Eric: Yeah, I'm not sure I see the resemblance.
Hyde: What are you talking about? My 'fro, my coolness, my suspicion of the Man. This explains so much.

William Barnett: I own a chain of record stores.
Hyde: Record stores. That's cool, huh?
William Barnett: Yeah.
Hyde: I was afraid you were gonna be a cop or something.
William Barnett: I don't like cops.
Hyde: I don't like cops, either. Hey, who do you think shot JFK?
William Barnett: I don't know, because they don't want me to know.
Hyde: Check it out, man. I'm a chip off the old block.

Red: What the hell are you doing?
Hyde: What?
Red: It's your first day on the job and you're drinking? This is not summer camp, you know.
Hyde: There's drinking at summer camp?
Red: Look, if you're not responsible enough to handle yourself, then obviously I made a big mistake. I hope there's another job out there for you because you're fired.
Hyde: My dad told you he offered me a job, didn't he?
Red: What? No. What?
Hyde: 'Cause I've heard you fire a lot of people, and I've never heard you saying, "I hope there's another job out there for you." You say, "I hope my foot doesn't get stuck in your ass." Or, "Don't let my foot get stuck in your ass on the way out the door." Or the classic, "I'm gonna stick my foot in your ass."
Red: Listen, get out of here.
Hyde: Thanks, Red.