Red: Bob, your decorations are in the dumpster behind the liquor store.
Bob: Thanks, Red. If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.
Red: Yeah, well, if I had "mistlefoot," it'd be in your ass. [laughs]
Kitty: You know what I would like for Christmas? No more talk about you putting your foot in other people's rear ends.
Red: Maybe next year, Kitty.

[As Red sneaks back into the house draped in Christmas decorations, he screams as he turns around and sees Kitty]
Kitty: Red, are you stealing Bob's Christmas decorations?
Red: It's only stealing if you, uh... if you keep it. I'm throwing all this crap away.
Kitty: Oh, my God. I'm married to the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch.
Red: Well, as long as you're not Mrs. Tattletale, we'll be fine.

Kelso: Uh, Eric, I don't want to play Joseph as a carpenter. Oh, how about if I play him as a spaceman?
Eric: Okay, uh, Kelso, I don't think Jesus was the son of a spaceman.
Kelso: Oh, really? Well, where do you think God lives?
Leo: It's true, man. [points to the heavens]