Kramer: [speaking fast and fidgety] You can't put a limit on my cafe lattes, it says so right here. And I don't want to get dirty looks when I come in here. If I want a caffe latte, you give me a caffe latte. And if I have any problems, I'm gonna get my lawyer Jackie Chiles down here and you're gonna be in really big trouble.

Kramer: Let's see what Dr. Gene prescribes, huh? Oh, here, look at that. Weekend At Bernie's Two. Now, that's an hilarious premise.
Elaine: Huh. Well... Yeah, I could use a chuckle.
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: What are you getting?
Kramer: Nothing, I'm gonna finish watching The Other Side Of Darkness.
Elaine: Oh. How much you got left?
Kramer: Yeah, about two hours. [off Elaine's look] Yeah, she shot in that coma pretty quick.

Hal: Hey, Kramer.
Kramer: What's going on?
Hal: I told my chiropractor how swimming in the river made my back feel. He recommended it to all his patients.
Old Man: Step aside. [jumps into the water]
Kramer: He just sunk like a stone, didn't he?

Kramer: Darin? What are you doing here? The college canceled the internship.
Darin: I don't care about the internship. I care about Kramerica.
Kramer: Kramerica is no more.
Darin: What about the oil tanker bladder system? We were going to put an end to maritime oil spills.
Kramer: Probably. Darin, you go home. Forget about Kramerica. [closes door; instantaneously opens it again] Well, you're still here?
Darin: I haven't had time to leave.
Kramer: Well, I haven't changed my mind. [closes and opens door again] Well, you are a tenacious little monkey. All right, I'll do it. Kramerica Industries lives! Let's get back to work! [closes door with Darin inside; opens it again] Let's see what Jerry has to eat.

Jerry: Kramer, they think I killed Fredo! And who buries a bird?
Kramer: Yeah. Just give it to the Portuguese guy, and he puts it in the incinerator.
Jerry: Just get the key and let's get out here.
Kramer: You know, it's a funny thing about that bird dying. I hid the key in Fredo's food dish. Whew! That's a weird coincidence.
Jerry: Kramer!?
Kramer: What?
Jerry: You killed Fredo!
Kramer: Fredo was weak and stupid. He shouldn't have eaten that key.

Jerry: Kramer, I need those cufflinks, but now they're in the box, and the key is in the bird. What are we gonna do?
Kramer: You just answered your own question.
Jerry: Oh, no.
Kramer: I'll get the shovel.

Newman: You know, when you think about it, it's kind of silly for us both to pull this thing all t he way back uptown. I mean, after all, it is a conveyance.
Kramer: Yes, that's true.
Newman: So, which one of us is gonna pull?
Kramer: Well, there's only one way to settle this. One spot, two spot, zigzag, tear, pop-dye, penny got, tennyum, tear, harum-scarum, rip them, tear them, te, ta, toe.
Newman: Yeah.
Kramer: Best two out of three? One spot, two spot..

Kramer: Hey, Seinfelds!
Morty Seinfeld: Hey, Mr. Kramer.
Kramer: How long are you staying?
Helen Seinfeld: We just came to town for a funeral.
Kramer: Oh yeah, yeah I heard. Marvin Kessler. Boy, that makes you think. If he could go...

Marion: Yes?
Jerry: Yes, I called before. I got his notice in the mail.
Marion: Oh, Tropic of Cancer, Henry Miller. Uh, this case has been turned over to our library investigation officer, Mr. Bookman.
Kramer: Bookman? The library investigator's name is actually, Bookman?
Marion: It's true.
Kramer: That's amazing. That's like an ice cream man named, Cone.
Marion: Lt. Bookman has been working here for 25 years so I think he's heard all the jokes.

Kramer: So, how long you been driving this thing?
Woman: Going on four years.
Kramer: Well, nothing's sexier than a woman behind the wheel of a semi.
Woman: Nothing? [they share a glance and laugh] Listen to you, you're quite the sweet-talker.
Kramer: You know, I always wanted to drive the big rigs. I used to watch those commercials during the reruns of Gomer Pyle.
Woman: You want to give it a try?
Kramer: Really?
Woman: Do you know how to double-clutch?
Kramer: Yeah.
Woman: Well, come on!
[They swap seats while driving]