Car Salesman: Hey folks, how we doin' today?
Moira: [in a mock Cockney accent] Oh, excited beyond compare! Yes, especially with this being our first ever purchase of an automobile.
Johnny: Yes, it's our first car, let's hope we can afford it.
Moira: Yes, my poor 'usband, lost his job recently as a tennis pro. Yes, at a public resort, that is, yeah.
Car Salesman: Well, let's get you folks settled inside, we'll see what we can do.
Moira: Oh, thank you. It'll be nice to get off the streets, and be indoors for a change, yeah?

Alexis: I already purchased a booth. Your name is on the website, and I just printed out all of these headshots for you to sign. Obviously I will be taking commission.
Moira: Alexis, there's a good reason I've avoided these conventions in the past. Showing up, taking your picture with a motley crew of pale, dewy-faced salamander people. I haven't hit rock bottom quite yet. It's a matter of self-worth.
Alexis: You did a commercial for adult diapers!
Moira: In Japan! In full-face Kabuki makeup!

Roland: Well, I'm gonna need you in there, by my side when we make this budget pitch.
Moira: You don't have to worry about me, Roland. If there is anyone at this fabulous little confab who know how to work a room of fragile egos, it's me. I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People Choice Awards.

Moira: We're all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors.

Dr. Lipman: Hi, I'm Doctor Lipman. We're gonna take you back for some tests.
Johnny: Good.
Moira: Is "tests" code for open heart surgery? You can tell me, I once played a nurse on "M.A.S.H."

Moira: Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster.
Blair: I would hardly call this an opportunity!
Moira: I-I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.
Blair: Okay, what's your point?
Moira: We were number one. Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit.
Blair: Yeah, I really wouldn't know where to start with this one.
Moira: Hmm. Well, here are my revisions. If you care to discuss them, I'll be running lines in the nest.

Moira: And who, may I ask, is bold enough to scale this cultural monolith?
Patrick: Jocelyn's actually directing for the community theatre, so.
Moira: Jocelyn?
David: That's very ambitious of Jocelyn.
Patrick: Yeah, well, I just thought it could be a fun thing to do.
Moira: Yes, the exact sentiment expressed by the passengers as they stepped aboard the Titanic.
David: Okay, well, that's really encouraging.
Moira: What?! They were having a rip-roaring bash before that bloody iceberg.

Moira: How mercurial is life? We all imagine being carried from the ashes by the Goddess Artemis and here I get a balatron from Barnum and Bailey. [small laugh]
Roland: Okay. I, I have no idea what that means, but it doesn't sound good.

Judge: Juror 75, you were asked if you had any personal conflicts that might affect your judgments of this case.
Moira: I don't know these people. I don't know these people. The fact that my own world was ripped out from under me, by someone like this prick of a prestidigitator? I should think would help the court in the quest to make a fair judgment. [crowd murmurs] May I approach the bench, please?
Judge: No, you may not. The Court thanks and excuses Prospective Juror 75.

Moira: You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. The opportunities will diminish, and the ass will get bigger. Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! Especially yours. You're going to have a huge ass. And you, future baldy. Sorry, hairless, homeless! So what? Who cares? When they get mean, you tell them to go to hell! Because only you know who you are! And those cruel Internet people cannot take that away from you! You will forge on! And you will find some glimmer of something to hold on to. And only then will you find your way back. Only then will you become once again who you are! [to a seated boy] Lady standing! [sobs] [groans]